Ten Years Wedding Anniversary And Five Behind Bars: How Prison Experience Has Helped Strengthen My Marriage Bond! 

Thriving under pressure is all about locking into an incredible, intense focus. You have to be in control all the time, even when everything around you is chaotic.

On the 9th of October, I will be married for ten good, but experience-filled years. And out of those ten years, five has been behind the high concrete walls of Panama’s notorious prison; La Joya.

Ten years and five away from my family, has been heartbreaking, but also gave me enough time to think, reflect and sort out my life and also helped healed and restored great hopes on marriage institution. These years, despite being the lowest moments in my life so far, has made me stronger and also bring out the strength of my wife as she stood and still standing tall and strong through the face of all life’s difficulties.

In the beginning, it was all confusion, but with time, we learned to thrive under the pressure of separation and the fact that I will be away for a long time.

It’s a journey with a destination, which is always unknown at the beginning, but with time, and determination one will decide which destination his journey will lead him to.

For some, it’s a vicious circle which can’t be broken, for others the journey takes them out and for good, they remain out!

For me; a journey, bumpy one, one hell of a rollercoaster and one with lessons learned every day and one that I’ve taken over the sails to determine my destination.

Fri, 3 Oct 2014

Another weekend, time to up our alert level as this is the only option at the moment and also time for cops to make surprise visits to inmates. They did that to the lads in Colon prison, and the head of Panama’s police promised cleaning up all Panama’s prison; wished he will start the cleansing from his own office as the root of corruption is not down the ladder of hierarchy but up and high on the apex of power and authority.

Slept late or early this morning, struggled to sleep as I was in pains from my right shoulder; eventually the pain succumbed to nature’s great call. But had to wake up two hours later to use the loo, surprised, the lad cleaning today has woken up and did his cleaning. Back to bed, struggled again to sleep, gradually the rest of the cell are waking up to whatever the day has for them as I doubt if they have anything for the day 😉

Kept changing position to suit the pain on my aching shoulder. Finally got some few minutes of nap before my training mate started dropping in one after the other. Initially, had thought of taking the day off and have a longer weekend, but after three of my training mates called by, decided to ditch my bunk and sleep for some dose of endorphins in the gym 😉

Quickly set to cook a pot of oatmeal, the slender lad whose missus has eloped with another or as our gayly mate put it “one whom another is tapping her ass” bought a tetrapak of milk, added cinnamon for a spike, for mine added peanut butter for some extra protein and good fat boost. Had few spoons and took some sips from my cup of green tea and fresh ginger. That was it, dressed up and out for another round of cruelly, excruciatingly body-pounding workouts with my mates.

Through the week, we have done all body parts, and added legs and abs. Thus, decided to hit chest but starting with inclined and declined, went heavy and my ached shoulders seems to know that I need my workout, gave way!

Since I rarely do squats because of my lower back pain, I added lunges, goblet squats, dumbbells squats and body-weight squats to my legs routine. We went for high reps, but also did some good weights. Well worth our coming out. Rounded with more abdominal and stretching.

Thank goodness, the catholic priest didn’t show up as it would jeopardise my routines and training. We finished as others were still coming in to get started.

Inside, the lads were busy with their lives, enough water for me; but first had the rest of my oatmeal and down some more gatorade. Hit the shower and did washing; everything used in the gym except my trainers or sneakers 😉

No special food, but rice was cooked, anyone can take his and eat with whatever he chooses or he has or can afford.

Picked the lentils on the lunch cart with some salad, had to wash the salad again as I have eaten one with maggots crawling over the chopped vegetables. The oatmeal was enough fill, kept me for a while, then downed the lentils keeping the salad for evening.

Took a long nap after trying to do some reading, couldn’t fight nature, had to give in.

For dinner came cooked tasteless pieces of chicken. We fried them, some had theirs with rice or fried green plantain. Had mine with the salad from afternoon, not enough fill but enough nutrients for the day and especially after a hard day in the gym.

While the rest of the cell were busy with whatever keeps them busy, I decided to stay back and finish #LeeChild #JackReacher novel #TheHardWay! Couldn’t drop it as I was near the end. Full of suspense and intriguing piece of writing. Seems to be picking his books before others 😉

Finally out as others slipped into their bunks and hammocks, except our gayly mate who was timing us, so he can enter the loo and do some dope-snorting. Lad is living life large and complete! Carpe diem! Allowed him do his things, can’t be his watch or police him, he’s a free being like everyone of us and whatever he choose to do with his bit of freewill or freedom is his business. And whatever comes from that is also his own business, but if wraps of dopes are found during search, he should raise his hand.

Stayed outside with our shemale and his nocturnal buddies, she asked for her picx, guess I have become her choiced photographer; whenever she is dressed to kill, she comes to me and ask for pictures to be taken. Once asked her, how she will pay me, she answered me with the blowjob motion (tongue in the corner of mouth and hands moving back and forth), well, I’m not ready for that payment, but I know many who will be damn too eager to get that 😉 things that happens under the cover of darkness. My cats do see loads! She has gotten a new phone, well, an old banger after her blackberry 8520 died off, now gone to android; got me wondering which generous client paid for her communal service with a phone.

Finally retired around 2am for much needed sleep!

Sat, 4 Oct 2014

Early despite sleeping late, partly because it’s our general cleaning day and we have enough water.

Up around 7am, checked on my downloads, seems to be doing well, but damn slow! Such moments makes one understand the ordeals of being locked up.

Waited for the lads to round up with their morning rituals. Finally get on mine, set a pot of water on the stove for my early morning tea.

A cup of my green brew and cinnamon is all need to get me fired up, maybe a cup of joe much later.

Cleared my stuffs from under the bunk, armed with my tea and phone, climbed upstairs to top of our cell, where I sat through the cleaning session. Waited for the barber to round up so he can give me a clean shave. I’m not really into cutting hair every week as most lads do, no visits or dating anyone on the inside to look pleasing or appealing to. But personal hygiene is my top priority as I do all I can to stay clean and healthy, despite the deplorable conditions in the prison.  Doubt if anyone uses hand wash soap, but I do get my consul to buy me a tube and also alcoholic hand cleanser; both are helpful against whatever we share the pavilion with and also against dirty inmates. Had to constantly remind some of my cellmates to always wash their hands after each visit to the toilet, as it was not a norm in where they come from. It beggars belief that washing of hands after taking a stinky shit is something they find very hard to do, I see some of my mates out from the shit hole deep their hands into the breakfast bowl; another reason I don’t touch the bread after they had touched them. Either I’m first to take mine or leave it for that day.

Had a clean hair cut today, something I rarely do.

Clean hair cut, look younger than I was some minutes ago. Seems I will do some photo sessions for schat and the kids. Been a very long while I did some, most lads are always clicking and flashing; some days in the gym are turned into photo sessions instead of workout sessions, guess it’s sheer idleness and lack of zeal or purpose for what they came to do in the gym at the first place.

Wouldn’t mind getting some pictures taken, and the only place I take pictures is in the gym.

Stayed up and went to bed around midnight and woke up around 2am as some lads were drinking and singing, and they also got our gay mate to entertain them.

Sitting outside and listening to my gay-cellmate as he entertain the lads in a cell down the passage; apparently my compatriot should be the oldest in the cell, but the lad has no voice as the Colombians has taken over the cell, won’t allow that to happen in my cell, I’m the only non-colombian but my feet are always planted on the ground. Five years ain’t no kindergarten five years, it’s a hard-knock life’s experience. Period 😉

Back to my gay-cellmate, he drifts from merriment, to lamentations, and to a very remorseful mood, he shares his life’s experiences with the lads. And, another moment, he’s busy dancing as they sing some local folklore which I believe is sang by women doing some seductive dance steps to woo their men; but now, they are singing it to my mate, who’s actually dancing according to the rhythm and lyrics of the songs.

He came out briefly to spit whatever been lodging in his teethless mouth ;-), had his T-shirt tie to a knot on one corner, seeing that, I know he’s ready for whatever game or offer will come up after getting pissed!

Did some recording as they sing, dance and celebrate being locked up.

Finally call it off by 05:56 and hit my bunk, but then, my gay-cellmate came in to take a leak, didn’t want him to talk to me; but can’t stop a man full of alcohol from saying what the alcohol wants him to say. And he did say something; cried about his misery, missing his twin, and how they had sent money for him to return home after 27 years in Panama. But, he used the money to smoke crack, which he still does here; snorting and hiding his empty wraps in every crack and nook of the cell, and they kept falling out 😉

He actually did his last line in the toilet, and left the wrap on the floor, which was found by the lad he gave a blow job after both were drunk on last year new year’s eve 😉

Around 7am; Finally closed my curtain and pray for sleep to take me away from the chaos of life behind bars, at least on this moment, as I’m  way too knackered.

Sun, 5 Oct 2014

Been up all night till 05:56:57, listening and watching as life goes by and as my gay cellmate entertained his country men; dancing, sharing jokes and reminiscing over his life, which always brings tears as he cries over things he couldn’t change and beyond his control. But his compatriots were busy enjoying every moment of his folly, singing local folklore to him as he flow through different emotions; from joy to sorrow and into abject sadness.

Finally went to bed by 7am when others were taking their first coffee of the day. It’s at such moment that it always down on me that I’m banged up, have to stay late and all night to be able to get online, when everyone is asleep and network grid is free.

Glad it’s sunday, as I will be sleeping most of the day, if cops don’t pounce on us like my lazy cats when they decide to hunt rats after feasting from leftovers in the bins.

Managed to get bouts of sleep through the day, my diet is not at its best as I’m stint, have to improvised to meet up to my body demands; as I’m training regularly, I really need good nutrition, but not in a place like this. Glad I fair better than some, well those some will rather use their money for dope than on food 😉

Spent few hours, but had to sleep as I will be doing our daily cleaning in the morning.

Mon, 6 Oct 2014

Early from bed, even before my grocer-cellmate, who wakes before everyone and take his morning shower and set his business ready for the day.

I’m cleaning today and will also do tomorrow. Set water on the stove for my early morning brew of green tea and cinnamon, as I carried on with my cleaning. Finally done and dressed up for the day’s workout. Rushed through a breakfast of mixed cold cereal; oats + cornflakes, spiked with cinnamon and peanuts. Had a few spoonful and off for gym.

Being Monday, the lads are looking forward for a chest routine, so also the rest of those who will brace the odds to be there in the gym.

We opt for chest, but started with inclined and declined and finished with the bench; barbell press, dumbbells, flyes and pullover.  Did a proper fat-burning routine, leaving the lads panting when we were done. The boxers now train in a corner in the gym as they can’t get permit to train outside every morning as they used to; pathetic! If they had asked the cops to be allowed out, so they could go to another pavilion and kill another inmate, I’m sure they would have been clearance for that.

Back in, our water is dwindling, but the occasional rainfall has been very helpful, though not many like taking shower with it. As for me, it doesn’t make any difference, especially when I’m just in from workout, my body’s temperature is very high and bathing with the rain water is very refreshing and cooling.

Had the rest of my breakfast; cornflakes and oats, added another spoonful of peanut butter and a teaspoonful of honey. That’s should good enough for a postworkout meal.

Lunch and dinner were all improvised, pick and mix whatever came on the cart and bit of rice my mates cooked. From the part of Colombia they hail from; their food usually revolves around green plantain, yuca (cassava), yams (tubers) and fish (most live close to water). Rice, they eat but not as the aforementioned food intems. But being locked up and deprived of those foods they grew up with, they now do everything around rice; without eating rice, they can’t go on. Thus, we always set a pot of rice every day, which can be eaten with canned sardines and slice onions, with fried eggs or with soup made with eggs.

Spent few hours online, planning to change my router’s name from #FlyingDutchMan to something else and also the password; some of the lads on my network aren’t paying. Better alone or start brawls over unpaid charges.

Tue, 7 Oct 2014

Another early day as I have to clean, finished, cooked oatmeal for breakfast, and also cooked our lunch of chicken stew and white rice. Left the rice for the lads to check, but they let it got burnt when I got back from the gym, glad I took the stew off the stove before leaving, as it would have also gotten burnt. Everyone was busy with their phones and they forgot about the rice.

We don’t usually cook that early, but since I bought the chicken parts yesterday and lightly cooked it last night, had to make the stew early today. How lucky I was, as electricity went out from 10am and was restored around 8pm, even then, the current was so low, we are not allowed to cook. So many will be going to bed today without eating  proper cooked food. I know many will defile the law and cook.

Workout was intensive, the lads are good to work with, but they seems not to be picking up or retaining anything upstairs, I’m always repeating myself and showing them how to do certain exercise, despite doing it all the time, friggin difficult teaching them. Well, probably the weed they smoke is messing with their retentive memories, doesn’t hold up, can’t retain anything; but they friggin can’t forget how to roll their joints 😉

We had a good full arms workout, back and forth on biceps and triceps and finished with more abdominals, and body-weight stretches; lunges and squats.

Back in, still enough water, bouts of rainfall and the prison tap been running, but the most joyous thing is having cooked food ready as many are waiting for the prison food to come in. There will be a problem as the food won’t be enough for all, many are waiting…..

Had my postworkout meal/lunch and showered, washed my gym clothing. Popped some tablets of multivitamin, Gingko Biloba and vitamin C; all I have now that is close to supplements. But try to eat good and also use the different fruits, herbs, spice and roots; carrots, ginger, lemon, cilantro, fresh parsley and spring onions, to supplement on what we eat.

Hope to get some proper supplement soon, but first, gotta raise some dough; seriously 😉

Lately, one of the mobile signals has been working so well, that my cellmates could make phone calls from the comfort of our cell, whatever is going on with the signal jammers, nobody knows. But we enjoying while it last #CarpeDiem!

But the wifi signal is hard to come by as all the routers are working at the same time and everyone is busy trying to get online. One good thing, majority of the lads here are not nocturnal like the few of us; I always wait till they are all gone to their sleep, then I’m out and surfing. That’s what I have been doing lately to get all my online businesses done; tweets are saved as draft and later sent when signal is good to go, so also my downloads, set them on to run while I sleep. Depriving myself of proper sleep is not nice at all, but always try to meet up with bouts of naps during the day. Not feeling bad though!

Being locked up comes with so many problems, surviving is one thing, but then comes other issues that shouldn’t have been any of a prisoner’s ninety nine problems; water, food, medical, sleep space, overcrowding and now electricity.

Our electricity is becoming an issue; as it rains, it also sends the pavilion into total blackout, sometimes it affects the entire prison complex, but most times, it’s only our pavilion. Annoying how the system doesn’t have contingency plan in place for such moment. Inmates and total darkness doesn’t mix; I believe those ones amongst us at war with other inmates stick to their cells and their bunks during our blackouts. They won’t venture outside their comfort zones as they don’t know what will befall them. We are lucky, it’s not like the locals; some of our mates who lived there after being thrown out from our pavilion talk bad of living with the locals; they could be of same gangs and housed together, but they still don’t trust each other, they live in fear of one another. Another lad who was thrown out of our pavilion to pavilion 8 and later thrown out of eight after he fought and now lives in pavilion 1 with the locals, tells of the ordeals he’s going through each day with the lads. Pray he survive there as he has a long way to go; the other thing with him, being high and hot tempered, I believe he will calm down as he’s living in a volcanic zone and within seconds to erupt 😉

Took a quick nap in the early hours of the evening, woke up when others were calling it their nights. Spent hours sitting outside and enjoyed the signal as many has retired to their sleep spaces and leaving the grid for me and the nocturnal animals; the feww who dares the night and our queen of the night who doesn’t chat, she blows 😉

Finally called it a night around 2am… Wednesday morning!

Wed, 8 Oct 2014

The lad cleaning is known for his love of noise, 6:30am, our old grocer was taking his early morning shower as he does that every day before the rest of us are awoken for the day. And this dullard knew about that, but today, he shouted ‘who’s in the shower as I want to do my cleaning’ and that woke me up. Annoying, he knew the man was in the shower before he woke up, he would have waited for the man to finish like the rest of us does, well, the lad is just sheer stupid and ignorant. His voice got me up and couldn’t get back to sleep, to add salt into injury; we were thrown into another early morning blackout. Got up and got ready for today’s workout; had planned sleeping till around 9ish, but wouldn’t happen anymore.

Boiled eggs came for breakfast with sugar-cinnamon tea. Had. Three eggs with two slices of whole wheat bread (bloody expensive), with a cup of the tea; would make a good preworkout meal. And hit the gym an hour later with a gallon of ice-cold gatorade.

Same as yesterday, all weights were taken and none of my training partners got anything; they were all friggin waiting for me to do the fighting for the weights, which I did, not after telling them, they should always hustle for weights as they always know ahead what we will be doing the next day.

We went on to have a good #HIIT #Hardcore #Back, hitting it from all angles. Finished with some #Yoga stretches and cable crunches and hanging leg raise to burn my abs. One of my training mates went awol! Lad couldn’t handle the excruciating routines any longer! He will be back tomorrow for another of shoulder routines 😉

Done and in, no cooked food, but had the last of what I cooked yesterday; Yam, chicken stew, good for a postworkout meal. Lunch came in, took a bit of the lentils soup with shredded chicken, wasn’t bad as I added a bit of diced red chilli in; #Caliente!

Showered and took a quick nap as we all wait for today’s weekly headcount. New director, new cops and changes made to effect their newly acquired power; flexing muscles, but for how long, before they realise that, on the inside, prisoners control and rule????????

Glad they didn’t come at 2pm as they said, but around 4pm! Heard our electrical problem will finally be solved on saturday, when the electric company will be around to change the burnt transformer and also fix the breakers in the pavilion. Till then, we are told not to cook, we should be eating from the prison food; wonder how many will hang on till saturday and survive on the prison food!

The headcount went fine, none missing and all accounted for! Saw the cats, doing pretty well, some of the lads sleeping in the gym hall have adopted some of them, even named them; my compatriot who was in the food business and now out of business due to unpaid debts even named one after our compatriot that went berserk here! And the cat respond to its name….. _ _ ron?

We were thrown into another round of blackout as the dinner cart rolled by, for the first time, almost everyone seems to be going for their ration of the prison food and it’s not enough for everyone. Now we know that, even the food send to us is never enough, if everyone was to eat from them.

Though we managed to cook a pound of rice, which would have been cooked in less than thirty minutes, but we did it under four hours, what a feat ;-), pasta with some green leaves scattered in, and a sauce made with shredded meat-like things and normal half-cooked rice were what came on the dinner cart. Took the sauce!

Have heard many inmates talk of dieting; prison food should be enough to get one lose all their love handles, but not here as our food are fattening; we are fed with carbs and fats, doesn’t help with one’s health in general. Even the healthy options like beans and lentils are loaded with pork tails or pork skins and sometimes with fat-laden mincemeat and they all come salty. And there’s only two options around our food here; either you take it the way it comes or cook yours!

All along, we have been cooking as many can’t stomach the foods that comes on the prison menu 😉

Since the electrical problem, I have been living on cold or uncooked food; cornflakes, oats, bread and peanut butter. And occasionally taking anything healthy on our food cart, well, that’s if anything healthy comes in.

Since our electrical problem started, signal has become very erratic, which is making me spend tonight outside the cell for a session of an all-night browsing.

Moreover, back in Europe, it’s the 9th of October, which is also my tenth wedding anniversary, thus, Schat and I will be chatting all night.

And the lads next door are also drinking, since some batches of proper liquor from the street came in through the loopholes in the system and after the head of cops in panama vowed to clean up the system, the lads are getting in good stuffs. My next door neighbours are doing a bender tonight. With them is an ex Ecuadorian senator who is fighting extradition to his country. If he goes back, he will be banged up for good, heard his misus is doing friggin hard time for murder; 25 hard years!

Sat up all night, chatting with Schat, upgrading most of my apps, tweeting and downloading articles for offline reading.

As the lads next door were partying, upstream along the passage, another group were busy snorting lines and lighting makeshift pipes of cracks, somebody gotta do something to help with their time behind bars and these ones chose this way.

Finally called it quit by 7am when the rest of the pavilion were getting up. And the lads next door also turn off their music as they also call it a night or a morning.

No gym for me today and I doubt if one of the lads next door will be in the gym for the next three days.

Can’t make my regular cup of tea as the electric current is way too low. Took me a pill of cardio aspirin and hit my bed, pray no impromptu call by cops for one of their surprise searches.

10th Wedding Anniversary!

Thurs, 9 Oct 2014

Went to be around 7am, thus, no workout today and knowing that my mates will come calling, hope my cellmates tell them I’m off for the day.

It’s my 10th wedding anniversary today, having been married for ten years, and spent five from those ten years behind bars doesn’t sound nice.

But then, what can a man do with fate, when shit hits the fan? Guess, live through what fate has thrown at him. And, that’s exactly what I’m doing, living, surving through this one long episode of my life. As they say “what doesn’t kill you, make you stronger”, I hope and pray that this bitter experience will bring out the best in me and make me resilent, stronger than when I first walked in here.

This one episode has strengthen my relationship with schat, that ordinary love we had for each other, has become an unconditional love keeping us together despite the circumstances and distance between us. This odd, hard five years has brought out the best in her, grown into an adorable mother and a superwoman, one, many thought will fail; but she survived the odds, going on to achieve Masters Of Science and becoming an entrepreneur, and also kept up with all the vocational activities I started for the kids before my incarceration. The toll on her could be overwhelming, but she always pull and wade through each day with everything she has and always put a smiling face at the end of the day, no matter how the day began.

She and my kids gives me strength to live through each grueling day, which has gotten many here to ask me; ‘what’s really keeping me going after five years’….. #Grace and strong willpower to survive and come out a better man.

Haven’t spent all night chatting with schat, had to sleep during the day as I’m not working out today. The lads came calling, but were sent away by my mates. I later met two of them and explained why I didn’t train today. They should understand, sometimes, rest is very important for the recovery after bouts of intensive workouts. And since we aren’t juicing, our recovery might take longer than that of those juicing. And we seems to be training harder then the juicers 😉

Spent all day in bed, between sleep and up to use the loo as I took diuretic; not nice when you want to sleep well and undisturbed 😉

Signal is becoming very poor during the day, but gets better late at night when everyone gone to sleep, and that’s why I’m becoming nocturnal like like my cats 😉

A spaniard who spend more than two years sleeping on the floor of the gym/multi-purpose hall finally left on repatriation today to Spain, as I heard from others who left before him, they will do less than a year in spanish prison for rehabilitation before being released.

The Spaniards seems to be very swift with their banged up citizens, whereas #DenHaag is still playing #Lockup #Games with us. Well, hope our new process will work this time around. If not, we just have to forget about them and face our time and finish it. Each man on his own! Period!

Couldn’t get online all day as signal was terribly bad, had to retired to the comfort of my bed around 1am, but finally slept around 2am.

Fri, 10 Oct 2014

Electricity has been very low, we are not allow to cook, but many are cooking. Planned to wake up around 4am and cook ripe plantain; that was what we planned yesterday.

But exactly 4am, we were thrown into blackout again, the heat got me up and couldn’t sleep till around 6am. No cooked food either, thus, we have to wait for whatever will come for breakfast.

Boiled eggs, bread and dirty coffee (smells like coffee and shit mixed together) came, got all three and devoured them quickly and got ready for today’s workout. Should be hitting chest, and I would love to hit a bit of my shoulder as I missed that yesterday.

Finally out around 10ish, only to meet my training partners idling around, none went for weights and not even the bench. I was pissed off, told them off and went about my exercise alone. Can’t be doing everything for them. I was really angry today! And it seems I might go back to be working out alone. Much better and peace of mind; it’s always reminding them what to do and how to do them, despite training with me for a very long time now. I also take the pain to buy and scouts for fitness magazines both in English and spanish, also downloaded videos, articles and pictures and make sure they are circulated around them, yet they just can’t keep anything upstairs. Now, they are giving me more reason to go solo!

Had one of my best workout alone; inclined, declined, and straight bench press and did some good rounds of shoulders. Enough to call it a week of good shit!

Nobody is cooking, but cooked and fried food are coming in from other pavilions as they have electricity and full currents, thus, they can cook and fry things. And some of our lads are cooking with woods outside the pavilion. Earlier on, they sent in smoke into the gym hall from their cooking. Coupled with the humid and hot air, we were literally suffocating inside the gym.

Rounded up right before 1pm, and inside, had a postworkout meal of cold cereals (cornflakes, oats, peanut butter, honey and milk), lunch was the prison food and for dinner fried eggs despite the restrictions, and had it with bread. That was enough to get me sleeping.

Had an early evening nap, and woke up to an all-night of browsing and surfing as signal has been very bad in the last three days. I only get signal after midnight when nearly everyone has retired to their sleep leaving the night for the nocturnal ones. And thus, leaving their routers from working, mine and those of the few diehards work the nightshift;-)

Sat, 11 Oct 2014

Instead of waking up, I’m now going to bed around 7am, been up all night, doing what I can’t do during the day because of poor signal. Even the routers are failing as the airwaves or grid is congested with routers searching for signal that aren’t coming.

Early around 3am, my boxer-cellmate cooked rice and I later brew me a cup of real hot tea; first in three days. We were not alone in defiling our law of not cooking, many were also cooking around that time, especially those selling cooked food.

Drank my tea and watched the rice as it cooked, well cooked and ready to be eaten with whatever comes during the day, might eat mine with either peanut butter or fried eggs.

Showered and hit my bunk and slept till 11ish, woke up starving.

No cleaning today as we aren’t sure of water, without electricity, the pumps won’t run and thus, no water to do the big cleaning.

Our door was thrown open for hours outside. Saturdays and Sundays usually my free days, but couldn’t resist today’s as the weather was superb. Dressed up and went out, did some good stretching and body-weight routines and jogged couple of lapses around the lads playing football. Added inverted rows and dips to round up my impromptu saturday workout before the whistle went off and ends our time under the sun and beautiful weather.

Back in, the lads were busy with what food they can find around, one used the sausages from breakfast and made sauce with it, which they ate with the rice. I didn’t get to eat the rice, as beans and pig tails #rabito came on the lunch cart. Got me some beans, which I ate with the ripe plantains we had cooked along with the rice.

The electricity company came and fixed the transformer, electricity is back in full, so also our lives, more noise and whatever keeps us functioning. The few days without electricity to cook proper food, it’s been quite calm around here. Guess, not anymore now!

Had another round of power nap, since I’m going back to my nocturnal activity, I have to get plenty of short naps during the day to catch up with what I missed at night.

My mates are drinking proper liquor from the street down the passage; aguardiente and rum.  Invited, but I will rather stay by my cell and close to my router. Took a short and back to my spot, also got me loads of ice and a can of ginger ale, as I can’t drink it pure, added a few of my brew (spiced prison distilled liquor with cinnamon, juniper berry, ginger, cloves, nutmeg, cilantro seeds and zest of lemon), wasn’t bad after a very long while. Shared with a mate, but kept to me all night.

Had my music on and to myself, one of my training mates came as his router is right in from of my cell, lad stayed up till around 3am and left, while I stayed up chatting with schat and my little boy and finally retired to my bunk by 04:49 on sunday morning after a cold shower…. freezing!

Sun, 12 Oct 2014

Awoken by noises of tanks and stuffs being moved and pushed around in the cell. Was really enjoying my sleep but just gotta move, dressed up and picked up my stuffs from the ground; my reserve tanks and gym box (actually a used crate of milk). Went upstairs while the lad went about with his cleaning and washing.

Within an hour he was done and everything back inside, prepared oatmeal or Crema as they call it here for the everyone, showered as there was enough water and ate mine, then back to sleep.

Took bouts of naps all day, cooked rice, but nothing to eat with it, got some eggs but too lazy to fry, had to pick lentils from the lunch cart and ate with bits of our cooked rice.

For dinner, macroni and tuna with fresh onions came in along with rice. Got enough of the macroni tuna mixture and had it as my dinner, and then back to sleep.

Santa Claus, our only Sikh in the village gave me some mint leaves which he’s growing here, made me a brew of hot mint/green tea and sipped through the evening as I wait for signal. Pathetic!

Bit quiet in the pavilion as many are getting ready for tomorrow’s visit. My two mates had fresh haircut and had their visit clothes ready for tomorrow and also all bowls that need to be sent out are washed and packed in airtight backs to keep the million cockroaches off. Whatever they bring in tomorrow, we will be eating street-cooked food for few days.

00:35:59 Mon, 13 Oct 2014

Having slept earlier in the evening, I’m ready to get on another round of my nocturnal activity. But tonight’s will be getting my Google account worked on as it’s been deactivated due to the 5 million users leaks that Russians hackers did. Well, nothing to nick from my account, after reading of the leakage in a webuser magazine I downloaded, I know I have to start reseting all my online identities 😉

That will be my work tonight, though schat is awake, signal still sluggish, gotta wait a while, many are still up and roaming.

Our queen of the pack just rolled by, guess call of duty or tour of duty; helping the helpless and willingly, but with cash 😉

She look good and smelled good, somebody gonna get spanked for being too naughty tonight. Well, not me 😉

The brawl that was supposed to take place yesterday seemed to have been averted, but an invisible line has been drawn and any crossing will be devastating, my now injured training partner is on the other side of the line and my big-boy neighbour on this side. A compatriot of the latter just told me, how the lad is trying to live large and gotten himself into debts; he and few others has got butlers and valets ;-), and he doesn’t have shit, owes debts running into three grand from services rendered; food, booze, fags, dopes and whatever else he gets from the many services in the pavilion.

Good for them, but leading a sedentary life here won’t be something I’m looking up to, we rarely get to move around, so, can’t see why I’m not doing most of my chores on my own to get the body moving and burn some extra calories which I didn’t in the gym 😉 but not these guys, their waistlines are expanding with every puff they do, with every burger they dips in and every fried food they indulged or on every line they snort or every shorts they downed 😉 and they don’t give a fuck!

Soon, we will blame the prison system if anyone of them drops. Pathetic!

Their fight is theirs, and soon they will be a showdown as I have heard enough; the big boy is accused of nicking an old man’s phone while the latter was sleeping in a hammock up above the cells. It shows that, this is prison, trust none and believe nothing that comes from these lads. Always tempted to go back to what brought them here and none has the willpower to resist!

The pressure is on them and on everyone of us to belong, but it takes something on the inside to overcome that urge and inkling; #SelfDiscipline and #WillPower!

The following is culled from an article I read from one of my numerous sites:

[How to stay calm under pressure:

Keeping my cool when under pressure, being at my best no matter how intense the circumstance may get.

I have learned that no matter what kind of distraction come up. I have to refocus immediately on what I am doing.

Thriving under pressure is all about locking into an incredible, intense focus. You have to be in control all the time, even when everything around you is chaotic.

When things take a turn for the worse, it can be hard to fight off the wave of frustration that washes over you.

The best way to pull through such moment is hyperfocused and concentrate what is coming on next on my agenda.

No matter how bad the day before was, learn to accept failures, mistakes and learn from them and move on.

It’s all about what happens today than what happened yesterday and what will happen tomorrow!]

Truces are temporary, but Alliances permanent; smart people chooses the latter. #PrisonGangs #PrisonViolence

#PrisonExperience #PrisonCurious #Panama #Gevangenis #Lockup #BehindBars #Moonshine Anniversary


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