The Case Of The Mysterious Vibrator (El Dildo).

Perversion: Deviation from the average or from the accepted norm.

In prison, when does an inmate become a pervert? Lol! 

In the case of the mysterious vibrator (El Dildo)….. Someone crossed that line. 

Fast forward to Saturday, 25th of January 2014…. Day began like others, my drunken cellmate who binged on my free wine, been up and restless all morning as he battled his hangover. There was supposed to be patio today, but none. Then around 3pm, our alarm system went off; whistles and catcalls from different corners as inmates scrambled to their stash spots to hide their stuffs. In the heat of the moment, while trying to remove a router from where it was hung, the lad missed a step and dropped the router, who knows if it will be good for use if it survived the search. 

All stashed, as we leave fate to take care of what we’ve hidden. It’s time for the cops to come and search (seek and find). Successful, they will go out with tankful of goodies. One man to man each cell as the rest of us filed out, left with a book, cup of tea and some magazines to keep me busy as we don’t know how long it will last. 

Outside, each inmates was search and patted, nothing incriminating found. As others relaxed, others took to playing football. Our queen used the opportunity to sun-bathed as she sat on the grass with her bare-it-all top, giving the lads something for their eyes to feed on. She went on to play a game of show me what you’ve got with a cellmate who sat beside me. The lad asked for a full view of her tits, and responded by telling him to peel his shorts open. They went on with their sex game, while others enjoyed the warmth of the evening sun. 

Then catcalls and inmates moved towards the entrance of the pavilion as the cops filed out with tanks filled with the finds (their loots; some wiil eventually divide the spoils of today’s war). No one will know what they’ve lost, until they go in and check.

No one will know what they’ve lost, until they go in and check. But someone amongst us knew right away that he has lose something of value and something that gives him some good pleasure which many haven’t had in a long while. 

Whoever the person is, he wished he hidden his sex toy very well; like every other inmate, the cops were surprised at their strange finding; A gigantic battery operated spiky vibrator. Wondering what the ladies cops will be thinking, some of them look so naïve, doubt if they have been around so many men and finding a toy which many will think to be a woman’s playmate in a all-men prison, what they will think of us…….these lads are probably shagging each others. 

The jokes around the mysterious dildo are so many, but the best so far…….. Why bothered to buy a dildo when there are many live dildos walking around looking for where to poke their dildos 😉

Back in, my cell was spared as nothing was touched, they came in and decided it ain’t worth their time. Most cells were trashed, no stone left unturned. Stuffs were taken, was too hungry to walk around, but my mates were all ok as their stuffs survived. 

When they left us, they went on to pavilion 8, where we saw emptying gallons of chicha (#Moonshine) and walking out with tanks of their spoils from the day search. 

Like always, whatever was taken, will through one means or the other find its way in; #MoneyTalksWardensWalks

Sunday, the 19th through Saturday, the 25th of January 2014. 

It’s been a busy, but also a sluggish week for me; without my telephone, I’m totally cut off from the grid and feel disconnected from what’s happening on the outside. The phone has served its purpose, simply died out on me, have tried security wipe, changed batteries, but still won’t budge. The only solution is buying another one and getting it inside through our transporters! 

The week has basically followed the same pattern as others, wake up, lay back and check where aches on my body; always my lower back, strain from the concrete bed. Through my morning rituals like others, some days, my mates drives me nuts, but such things makes a place like this ticks. 

The gym and my daily training is what keeps my sanity intact and keeps me from slipping off the edge like many who had gone that way. My workout is taking a different pattern as I’m doing more of #HIIT format of workout, working out around my sore back. Burning up more calories through short bouts of circuit training; using dumbbells as kettlebells, swings and clean, pull-ups (since the cable break under a 140lbs weight, nearly missing a lad’s feet), still have my weights and resistance training; but more for strength. Have also increased my warm-up time; stretching and loads of body-weight exercises to loosen up tight joints and warm up the muscles before getting into the real routine. Incorporated new workouts for different body parts, and many are copying; but like always some tend to be doing them wrongly, once in a while I do chip in words of advice, some take it, but others like prisoners that we are, are either too proud or just daft to accept corrections. Some end up with injury. But at the end, I have three more young lads who are working out with me now, at the beginning like others before them, they show zeal and enthusiasm, but soon, it will wane off!

Monday Night/Tuesday morning, got up around 2am to find a cellmate with four other lads from other cells drinking and chatting, my cellmate in his #RobFord moment attempted to touch one of the other lad, but the lad revolted and threw his hands off his body. Goes to show, what silly things can happen after downing cups upon cups of #Moonshine. 

Same cellmate been playing too-close-for-comfort with our shemale, once brought and stock a condom; whatever he’s planning, he should plan safety first. 

No news, they say is good news! Maybe on the outside, but in prison, no news simply mean you’ve either been forgotten or abandoned ;)…….thus, you’re fcuked! 

We’re waiting with fingers crossed for the Justice minister’s response to questions from the former Dutch Ombudsman; who has gone to work in Brussels. We hope the new ombudsman will pick up from where his predecessor stopped. We are also waiting for the ladies from #PrisonLawNL; they are supposed to be here at month’s ending. They were here last year, and till date, we’re still waiting for the outcome of that visit. My first question when I get to meet them when they come; ‘what was the outcome of their last visit?

One inmate walked the long walk of freedom this week, while few others were hauled in to take his place; these ones will start their uncertain journey into an unknown tomorrow, to a life lived watching over your shoulders and with your back to the walls.

Patio has been inaccessible this week as the cop tend to be a bit tight on us; guess corrupted by the lads. 

Gambling seems to be on the rise as there’s little or nothing else to do with the abundance of time in our hands. Each sessions run into late hours, dominoes, cards or dice, just about anything to keep them going. Others are busy with drinking, smoking or snorting. A mate who has been sober for a while, had to light up his crack pot to crack open his locked up soul from depression.

My mate who binged on my wine on Friday night with a mate who was locked out. After we offered a place to lay his drunken head, he went to open my mates bunk on top of our cell around 2am…. My mate who was deep asleep, felt the presence of an intruder, sprung up to safety before demanding what the lad wanted there. But the lad staggered out, either he went in to steal or who knows what else he wanted to do. But from what we learn about him; he stole a charger in his first cell before he was kicked out and sent to the gym hall. 

The lad drank so much and offered to buy more, but I refused and advice my mates selling distil not to sell to him. His actions has caused so much issues in the cell. But his mate is still battling his hangover demons, thus, he’s good for nothing now. Made him warm milk + honey, hope it helps. 

00:18 on Sunday, 26 January 2014

Our Santa (the only sikh in the building) just left me, after thirty minutes chi-chat. He’s in bad shape physically, still waiting for a date for his supposed-surgery to realigned and correct his face. If he doesn’t tell one his problems, one won’t know what he’s suffering from. The young lad really did disfigured him; broke his jaw, he can’t chew and has been coughing blood since December 13th, part of his face his numbed, can’t see clearly and got a hearing problem. And he believes Panama will fix him for free. I hope they do, as his state is very critical and severed.

1:09:35 AM ………Back in my cell, with hot-water bag under my lower back to ease the pains. Couldn’t use the ladder in front of my cell; my mate who had the drunken inmate visit last night has barricaded every corner with tanks of water. We all said, the lad acted under the influence of alcohol, but my mate is no man that take chances; after doing time in the states he reads meaning to every action taken by a man and especially in prison, where nothing is taken for granted. He’s actually wating for his release date……..hope it comes soon. 

Two of my cellmates are having serious dry cough; could be friggin contagious, hope my preventive measures of daily dosage of vitamin c and occasional fruits help. 

Seems the warm milk + honey helped my hangover cellmate as he seems to be sleeping peacefully. Hope he abstains from binging on moonshine for his health. 
Most are sleeping, but many are also up, drinking, music and playing whatever game with keep them up all night. 

Back to the Dildo that was found on Saturday’s search. Who knows what sex toys these lads are hoarding inside their cells and what they are up to under the cover of darkness. Probably somebody get strapped to their metal bed while another dressed in leather or latex is lashing him with leather horsewhip

Whatever their fantasies, hope they enjoy themselves and use protection. The dildo will surely keep the cops wondering what really goes on here. It will give them loads to talk about, just as it has brought about many gossips to men waiting to wag their tongues at nothing. 

Days ago, saw a mate walked the passage with his sheathed knife; who knows what he was up to. Waited to hear if there will be any announcement of any incident that involved him or any his pals threatening someone with knife. But there was none! 

Hope our unwritten laws will be able to keep us in check, even as many are becoming irritating and irritated from boredom.

“Reason, could help you recognise the right thing to do, but does not necessarily motivate you to do it – we are not conscripts in the army of duty, but volunteers.” – Phillipa Foot

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