Prison Curious: A Journey Where Choices Made Determine One’s Destiny.

“You may think that in life, a lot of things happen to you along the way. The truth is, in life, you happen to a lot of things along the way.” – Dr. Shad Helmstetter


In prison, waiting and patience becomes part of a man; his life is controlled by these two! He patiently wait for his survival, or his demise and to outwit his foes, for the right moment to attack his enemies, to know his fate, for news from the outside about his loved ones and of fallen or still-standing associates. And finally he patiently waits for the day of his long walk into freedom; though not many make it out walking as when they first came, some will be wheeled out or hop in clutches and the not-so fortunate with fate and life will leave in body bags; stoned cold as death itself!


Prison experience spurs one to approach life in a new way and can inspire mental toughness. And for most it becomes their solstices; a turning point in their lives!


Wed 18 Dec 2013

Seven days before Christmas, we are waiting for the last consular visit of the year. We are not expecting something new. Thus, all we’re waiting for, are our toiletries and extras we did ordered. But for me, I’m expecting a pack from Schat, can’t wait to get hold of what she sent down to me. She has been with me through thick and thin and still waxing stronger with each break of dawn.


An impromptu rainfall early this morning and a full bladder got me up to use the loo, one of my cellmates was filling the tanks. Back to bed, and as usual, couldn’t sleep, despite sleeping late at around 4am. The little lad stumbled in drunk and pissed, left his phone with his drinking mates, asked for mine as I was reading, at first, was reluctant, but he kept pleading and I didn’t want noise to get others up. Handed it over to him, he closed his curtains and began feeding his fleshy desire; he was the lad who had blow-job from the new lad in the cell after been on a bender all night. But tonight, all eyes on him, with my phone and the xxx videos he should help himself to a lousy drunk hand-job, hope there won’t be any of drunken cum on my phone.


Tried sleeping later in the morning when others began getting up to their morning rituals, but two of my mates were in serious discussion about coca plant, coca leaves and its end-product; cocaine! One is an native-Indian, thus, coca plant is part of his livelihood, the lad will be going home soon, and he plans setting up his coca farm with his families who are already in the business. Their coca-alkali talk kept me up all morning, finally decided to get up as it’s of no use lying down and doing nothing. Others were still buzzing around like bees with nothing special to do. My singing inmate was belting out his morning songs. Finally made my way to the kitchen corner and boiled me water for a hot chocolate, had it with our breakfast bread and boiled eggs! Not bad for breakfast in jail.


Hit gym which was scanty, it’s December, our festive month, thus, many will be on all-night benders till new year, and keeping up with their workout routine will be outside their agenda for now. Better for me as I had enough weights for my back workout today. With my mate’s boombox and proper music, my workout came out super and rewarding.


Door remained locked as the centre had zero-movement today; only workers were allowed outside. One of my compatriots has been hanging on the door waiting for wardens to walk down with a white paper to call us out for our consular visit; the lad look like a kid waiting for his mum or dad who had gone on a long journey. Well, most of sure have kids waiting and hoping for our return one day!


In for a quick shower, enough water to meet my needs! Had coconut-juice + oats + milk +chocolate cold drink! Wasn’t bad….. Before slumping on my bed for a quick nap, the sleep I didn’t get earlier today. Las fiestas continues as many are out drinking till stupor like #RobFord of #Toronto ;-), my cellmate who doesn’t learn from experience is at it again, drinking, but this time alone, hope he doesn’t puke tonight again.


From now till end of the year, it’ll be purely fiestas and more fiestas in the pavilion. Every cell has tanks of mashes waiting to be distilled before the D-Day! Few had come to me for my wine recipe of which I’m not letting out a word of it….. Whoever wants it, gotta pay me! #Hustling!


Downstairs the lads were scrambling for their bunks and hammocks when I got down. Heat up some chicken nuggets that came on the dinner cart; friggin wondering who dreamt of sending nuggets to grown-ass inmates as food! Pathetic! Had a quick shower to wash off the dried sweats and earn a good night rest. Went out for the last cup of ice as I would need something cold to drink later on; water!


Slumped into my hard-bed with #AGameOfThrones! And zzzzzzzzzzzzzz after some pages!


Thu 19 Dec 2013


Weekly headcount! Been up as early as 5.30am, pondering and thinking……..#WTF life! Can’t see further than out high-wired fence! Love to see beyond those fences and the thick jungle and high mountains around the centre. Love to see beyond now, what the future holds when it all falls down and comes to an end! I guess, I’m my past, and my present, and my future……have to work towards what I want.


Barely closed my eyes when our PA system went up, the cop are around, all scrambled to brush their teeth, wash their faces and stash their phones and those with weapons, which they always sleep with had to stash them away also. One will think, the securities around the perimeters are enough, no way, we all provide security for ourselves; some have locks on their doors, which they lock at night, others take solace and comfort in what crude weapon they have, which they guard with their life! My mate sleeps with his baseball bat, others with their knives, all to protect themselves from would-be attackers. You never who your enemy is, until he shows up!


Quickly dressed up for a quick spin outside, no time for my morning rituals. Outside, did some stretches before getting into brisk-walking and jogged some lapse on the field before the cops were done with their headcount. And none was missing!


Back in and sweating, decided to hit the gym for some burst of cardio; dumbbell swings, rope-jumpe, pull-ups and dumbbell shoulder press. Enough for the day and an early workout. Back in, no water in the cell and the lads ain’t bothered at all. Had my shower with my reserves and hit my bed for a quick power-nap!


Half-sleeping as I wait for the roll-call for our last consular visit of the year. Up for a soupy lunch of ox foot and white rice; I bought the ox foot while my mates did the cooking! #SharedResponsibilities!


Finally found out from a compatriot that my consul was here but wasn’t allowed in as there was a government official in to open the just-completed justice building in the centre; video-conferencing trials!


Thus, our waiting and hoping continues, likely she might show up tomorrow morning.


A mate and his companion was called up for medical evaluation, likely he will be gone tomorrow! #Good4Him


Just learnt from one of my compatriot, the lad that was repatriated from Venezuela to Holland will be in for six months for rehabilitation before release into the Dutch society. Frankly speaking, it beggars belief why same change in law can’t and won’t be applied to us. The minister’s only and one reason for our rejection; not enough time left for rehabilitation when we are back home in Holland! And we still have years upon years to do here! #Pathetic



Busy in most cells in the pavilion as the lads are all in festive moods, my cellmates just finished distilling a tank from the tanks of mash they had set up to ferment; demand is growing as Christmas is drawing nigh and more are getting thirstier for moonshine!


Finally in after the lads were done with distilling, they have about 10 gallons of liquor ready for the every-increasing demands in the pavilion and from the locals. Yet, there’re more tanks of mash fermenting and waiting to be distilled.


Took a quick shower from my reserves gallons, it seems we’re heading back to our water problem; always at this time of the year! Should buy one or two tanks to boost my reserve.


Boiled some fresh ginger, which I drank with green tea, sipping it as I sat with aching back reading till sleep beckons me!


Fri 20 Dec 2013


Got up early around 4ish to use the loo, but couldn’t get back to sleep. Rather lying and get haunted by memories, picked up and continued with where I stop on the novel I’m reading now.

Finally got to close my eyes when the lads got up and about, couldn’t get through the first phase of sleep as I lay listening to them and with anticipation of our consular visit today, had yesterday’s lentils for breakfast, while I cooked oatmeal for my postwork-lunch! Hurriedly, I hit the gym, my last workout for the week. Met Doc as he was hitting chest with his personal trainer ;-). Prison is such a place where humanity clashes; some people will look to help but others will only look upon with scorn. The man working out with Doc is also an elderly man and loves his weights, first trained with me, gave him my new belt since he back was more sore than mine, but he spoilt the belt, and what can I do? Nada! My working out time changed, he earlier while I came later, thus, we split but still share everything we use. Then he had Doc in his group and since Doc started with him, his form has really improve; thus, weight training is very vital for overall well-being.


My mate and his companion who went for medical evaluation yesterday were both hauled out, the took the final walk to freedom after spending close to two years and later found not guilty. Hope they won’t be coming back as most did!


Joined two lads on the bench and went heavier than both, did dumbbells press and flyes and pull-over! Added abs and running on the spot as the cop is bent on keeping door shut!


Had to round up as my compatriots kept reminding me they won’t wait for me if the call comes that our consular is around. Back in for a quick shower and had my oatmeal before slumping down to catch up with the sleep I denied myself earlier today.



My mates are on marathon benders, done will distilling, sold some and drinking what is left of their today’s distil. It will be like this in different cells and on different spots in the passages till 24th night, when it will come down; then the centre cannot hold! Mother of all benders 😉



Finally, the my cellmates are beginning to adhere to our unwritten rules, they just wrapped up their party, returned the boom-box to my friend, cleaning up and taking their nightly shower. Better this way!


A mate just showed me his investment for the season; a costly and risky investment! Used all his dough to stashed on proper liquor; bottles of whiskey, still wrapped in newspapers as they came in from the streets. He’s banking on the 24th to make a mega-profit; as he and everyone knows, the cops can pay us a surprise Christmas visit. Hope he has a good stash for his stock!


The looks on my compatriots faces aren’t one for the season, waited patiently for our consular visit, they look disappointed. Hope she is not on holidays, as our hope is on Monday; if she doesn’t show up on Monday, then it will be next year! I’ve got a heart full of patience, I can wait till the day she shows up.


Seated upstairs as the cell is boiling with heat from the distillery, the lads are busy with their second tank today. They’re not alone in the pursuit for money, others in different cells are also busy.


Sat 21 Dec 2013

04:07:49 …….up to use the loo, and don’t feel like getting back to sleep, might as well continue with my reading till nature come calling again.


Slept for a while before the lads roused me with noises of tanks and other things as they moved things out for the lad doing the general cleaning today. Had to get up and moved my stuffs and back to bed with ‘A game of thrones’. Was starving, waiting for the lad to finished, the lad is due to go, been waiting for his release papers since October. WTF system, quick to throw one in but slow to let them off even when their time is done; the Jamaicans are still held up at the immigration awaiting paperwork and corrupt bureaucracy of the panamanian penal system!


Had an English tea; lipton/milk…., boiled egg and bread! Not bad to calm the hungry worms. showered and back to ‘A game of thrones’ …….should be through with it as I’m not working out today.


Saturdays can be a mixture of dullness and liveliness, but today seem to be pretty dull! The door that keeps us bound in the pavilion was thrown open for an hour outside, many weren’t bothered, but some who longed for a man’s sport went out to have a kick of ball on our stony field which has seen more blood than soles of men feet on its sharp edged stones.


It’s the last weekend before Christmas, and also the last one before the last visit of the year; which will be a family visit with two kids allowed to accompany adults to see their doing-time fathers, uncles, sons, cousins and nephews and even grandfathers, what a world prison is, just about everything that makes humanity ticks lies within its concrete walls.


The cops still stick to the no-Christmas-food from family on 24th! Thus, the fat-lady and her teams of corrupt inmates finally won the right to profit from inmates by selling turkeys, hams, cooked rice, grapes and other things that comes along with the Christmas meal. Doubt if they will profit much from our pavilion as many are not prepared to fork out what they are expected to pay for those stuffs; about three times the supermarket price!


Finally got one of my sim card to work, and got data for three days, but getting signal is a usual waiting game, if only my cellmate, who, despite having conjugal-visit with his wife every fortnight still check on her every now and then will allow me the usage of my phone! The lad is way far from the real world, he calls the old girl every hour, got me wondering if she ain’t got no life of hers! Prison do turn men to something else. Once told him, when he’s done here, he should become a private eye, he will sure make more money on snooping on people than transporting tones of angel dust for guerrillas!


Spend most of the day in the confine and comfort of my slab of concrete we called ‘bed’. Finally out and about to catch some fresh air as the lads started their distillation; seems they will working even on Christmas day as there’s so much tanks yet to be distilled. My grape wine is till fermenting, hope it will be ready before 24th, as that’s when I hope to cash on it! Though the ginger/raison one is ready, but not too make like the tangy and peppery aftertaste from ginger. But the elderly folks are big fans of it.


All through the day, had to listened and endured the squabbling of things that wouldn’t fret anyone, but not for men who have nothing do. Most spend their days, talking and arguing over other people’s lives. My cell ain’t left out; the lads sing of what they want to do; I’m going to brush my teeth, take a leak, take a shit and shower, like if anyone cares if they shit or not. It’s not like out toilet is in an outpost where one will need a sentry to watch out for enemies, friggin toilet is right under my nose, and the stench of their liquor-cooked shit bathes me every time they stoop in to answer nature call. I’m now used to their daily chanting of what they will do, but never will an inmate tell you when he’s about to strike and hurt another inmate; that’s the only secret an inmate can keep!


As evening and night fell on us, it was all another frenzy in the pavilion as drinks, music and smoke fills the air. Had to leave for the top of the cells which, despite the noises was a bit airy with bout of wind blowing fresh air.

Stayed for a while, but got tired of waiting for signal.


Back in to meet the lads packing up their working materials. Took a quick shower before hitting my bed to wander into memory lane. But the music upstairs kept me up, though with my book till 3ish before I dozed off!


Sun 22 Dec 2013

Up around 6ish to use the loo and the music was still on with loud-drunken voices, damn these lads can friggin drink, wondering if they think of their organs! Knowing fully well how good how medical system is, one should be extremely careful with our potent stuffs; all the deaths recorded in the centre has all been due to negligence from the authorities, failing to attend to sick inmate when they ought to. Thus, using one’s hand to dig one’s grave is what every sane man wouldn’t want to do; well, who is sane here? Not even the so called men of the clothes, wolves in sheep clothing! Everyone works and hustles for his own good and well-being not minding whose toes they step on. #PrisonCurious


Breakfast was custard-like cream which I bought. Made it and had it with fried eggs, shared with my boxer-cellmate, told him, being the only one who trains with me, I can afford to share whatever I eat and know it will beneficial to him. A cup of black Joe washed everything down. The old hawker had tilapia fillets, $2 a piece, got 10 pieces, hope my mate share the cost with me. Who knows what will come on lunch and dinner, these will last me through 24th if I keep it iced enough.



Lunch came, lentils soup and rice, lentil soup was ok for me, lucky enough you find chunks of beef! Mine came with one and a piece of yam, enough for the afternoon. The lad had distilled a tank of mash this morning, and they will be working soon. I might do something with two or three pieces of my tilapia fillets later in the evening.


Upstairs, the Jamaicans and their crew are having their own kind of party, music and drink and joints should be flowing as music from the island flows incessantly.


No idea what came on the cart for dinner, but had my tilapia fillets with some fried green plantain and grilled green peppers; not bad for a prisoner’s dinner! Well, some dine better than that, imported cheese, steaks, grilled chickens and fishes; most nicked from the kitchen and sold to those who can afford them.


Upstairs, many are revelling while others are in search of signal, around 4ish, we had a search scare when two wardens walked in, within a wink of an eye, the lads were darting around, some climbing to their stash spot to hide their precious! In the chaos, I left my waist bag where I was hunting for signal, only to remember when I got to me cell, was friggin lucky the lads that live down the cell where I was were not there; would’ve been another history;-)


Seems our young shemale will be leaving soon, there’re rumours, she will be leaving on Monday; #Freedom. From words around, she drugged a man, probably her client and robbed him. Well, not all that walks with DD Cups are of the gentler sex 😉


Our old queen will be over the moon when the former leaves, bet she will come out of her cocoon, as she is been out of the scene for a long while. Many say, she is in hibernation, but one thing for sure, she will not be friendly as she used to be when the princess is gone; many deserted her when the young one came, guess they will all be running back to mama’s arms again 😉 …… But one thing for sure, doubt if any got what they wanted from our princess as she was still studying and chain-smoking joint daily. Fuck-duck-duck….. She smokes like chimney!


00:30:18 on Mon 23 Dec 2013

Finally done with #AGameOfThrones, should catch some quick sleep as I will be up early to hit the gym, still expecting my consul. Hope she does turn up later today!


Mon 23 Dec 2013

05:11:40 …… Up to use the loo and friggin signal on my bed, something must be wrong, whatever happened, it didn’t last long, but enough to open a news site 😉


Gotta use the loo, I’m friggin pressed! Seems my bladder will burst like a dam!

Couldn’t sleep much longer. The lads were up and about, getting ready for today’s family visit, which will be our last visit of the year. Also got ready to hit the gym, will make it a brief one as we are still expecting our consular’s last visit for the year. Next year, visit from the embassy will be every three months, that will really be a long wait!


The gym was damm too scanty; seems everyone went out for today’s visit. Got enough equipment to use; flatbench press with barbell and dumbbells, flyes and pull-over and topped it up with hanging leg raise and farmer’s walk! Enough for today. Back in for a quick shower, dressed up and kept my watch for the warden who will come calling.


Family visit lasted about an hour, the lads came pouring in with transparent plastic bags filled with all the goodies they had asked from their loved ones. Thus, it’ll be la fiestas de las comidas today. So much, but one can only eat what he can. Forcing oneself to over-indulge is sickening and makes one a glutton.


Didn’t get to dine with my mates when finally the call came; our consul was here, through the past weeks and days, have seen different embassies came and gone. Glad she finally made it. This will be her last visit for the year, then from 2014 it will once every three months.


When we finally got upstairs after all the lousy controls that rarely check; we walked upstairs. The meeting was brief, she came with our toiletries (to take us through 3 months before her next visit).


She couldn’t pick up my package which is lying somewhere at the airport with the customs; hope she makes out time and pick it up before the customs add more charges and fees to it.


Back in, my mates were waiting like packs of wolves to buy and to ask for whatever I have for them, pity, as there was nothing to share, that wouldn’t stop some from walking with me to my cell. Exhausted from everything, crashed into my bed for a quick power-nap, couldn’t sleep, but just enough to de-stress myself.


On our dinner cart came pork tails in lentils; bit suspicious, wanted the lentils but passed it since I’m not a fan of pork tails; they call it Rabito!


The pavilion is back to life with music in different corners of the pavilion. But in my cell, it was something else, Mr. Rabito was dealing with the lads, another bout of diarrhoea came with the deadly combination of pork tails and lentils; sent two of my mates to the toilet, as one is rounding up, the other is jumping in and the cell was fill with foul stench of their faeces.


Went upstairs for signal, but nothing as it’s getting more and more difficult. Back to my cell for a quick shower before hitting my bed! The fiesta has just began, music and everything that makes life worth living behind bars seems to be flowing. Hope to cash on my wine as I need dinero for things that really matters to me; my supplements, eat proper food and phone cards!


Tue 24 Dec 2013

Waooooooh! In less than 24 hours it will be the fifth Christmas in the slammer, well, there are many who have seen more Christmas here than I have; but when one is busy, you rarely know how time flies.  Five Christmas is quite a lot and under the inhumane conditions we find ourselves; it’s survival of the fittest.


Break my fast with oatmeal of yesterday; warm it and had it before hitting gym, which was scanty. Only the few die-hards came out, while the rest were preparing for tonight fiesta! It’s gonna be hell break lose in the pavilion; enough drinks, joints, el rey and whatever will keep the lad going.


Kept my workout at intensive level, touching every body parts before rounding up. Little did I know I have hit something I shouldn’t have; I did deadlift and barbell row and those two ain’t friendly with my lower back.


Back in, had a proper shower and washed my gym wears + my trainers. After my lunch, decided to take a quick nap as I needed it, despite the music and noise in my cell, I did get some minutes of sleep. Only to open my eyes but can’t move; my lower back got locked up, no mobility within the region and this left me in excruciating pain. Such pain that could make a man think just one thing; open the damn skin and chop off everything behind the pain. But then, that’s not possible.


The mood is on, as everyone is busy with today. While in the gym, saw some movements; after our unwritten law was passed, that nobody should buy turkey or ham from the lads from the kitchen, since the cops won’t allow families to bring in the Christmas food. Our pavilion’s pastor wheeled in large quantity of hams and also sneaked in some quantities for some inmates who broke out law. It raised storms as many knew about it, he was warned; if it happens again, he will be thrown out of the pavilion. The so-called pastors uses the name of the church to operate and run their prison-business; wheeling and dealings prison way!


Meanwhile in my cell, I’m starving; after taking diclofenac for the pain, managed to get up and get about what need be done; wanted soup with some hot spices. While busy in the kitchen, one of my cell mates who has been drinking, and this lad don’t know how to keep his clothes on after some cups of our distil, he was giving the lads free show; dance and was about striping off when others came in and got him to stop!


In his drunken state, he fell on me, and like a pack of cards, I went crashing down, others ran to help me. That’s when the pain started; lost feelings on some parts of my legs, managed to ge back to bed; seems my concrete bed is adding more salt to injury, not helping with my sore back.


While others were celebrating 24th with whatever they had, I lay back listening and watching my cellmate who shouldn’t be drinking and snorting, as those things don’t do him any good. The lad was all over the pavilion, dancing, stripping; friggin don’t know why he so much wanted to stripped. Well, like he said, “he’s gay”, bet he’s the mas feo maricon around; he needs to see a dentist and get a fix! Fell asleep after popping in several painkillers, which was what I really needed!


Up to use the loo, and the pavilion was still in festive mood. The lads could make use what little resource and make themselves happy; that’s what prison does to men. Makes you appreciate every little once neglected.


Wednesday, 25th December 2013

Fifth Christmas in the slammer; how time flies. Years in the slammer can take a lot from a man, but leaves him with bitter memories and experiences.


Woke up before others, still in pain, but able to move around. Placed a pot if water on the stove for an early morning tea. In front of the cells were inmates seated with cups in their hands, drinking and chatting. These ones and others had spent all-night partying. The problem with binged-drinking is always the hangover, which many will be going through.


The gym is closed, even if it was opened, won’t be going near there with a sore back. Was able to move around as I felt bit relieved.


There was no Christmas food, didn’t bothered to check what came on the cart; made sauce with my tilapia fillets and fried fishes one of my cellmate brought on Monday visit. That was our lunch, for dinner everyone fend for himself.


Felt better to drink a bit of my ginger wine, shared with my mates as we listen to music all evening. Our drunk mate, who gave the lads free show on the 24th, was still acting under the influence of all he had been taking in. Hope he sobers soon enough as we have loads of questions for him; at least with video evidence. Despite his stupidity, I won’t him thrown out of the cell, as he wouldn’t have anywhere to go to and nobody will receive him. Thus, he’s gotta get fixed and stay. The lad whose bed he climbs to get on his hammock, cut off his hammock’s rope, thus, he will be climbing up to his nest on a stool.


The lad was all over the pavilion; sooner or later he will get himself, but doubt if he will remember anything of what he did.


Had a few cups of my brew; ginger wine with some mates, but still stick to the confine of my cell as I couldn’t do much of moving around. Haven’t climbed up to my signal spot for days now.


The party went on all night into the early hours of 26th…….. Then they all retired to their sleep spaces for the much-needed sleep! Pray there won’t be any early search as that won’t go well with the hangovers of many 😉


Thursday, 26th December 2013

Woke up early as it was my turn for our small daily cleaning, should have asked one of the lads to help me with it, but rather do it myself as I felt much better now. And also, it’s Thursday, our weekly headcount day, but after my cleaning, came to find out, there won’t be change of guard, thus, no counting today. Instead, it will be done on Friday.


Rushed a breakfast of hot oatmeal before hitting the gym to the surprise of many who saw me on 24th wriggling in pain and bedridden all night. But, can’t help it, working out has become part of me, it helps with stress and anxiety and my general well-being; like #DrOz rightly put it here on #Stress and #Anxiety


“Exercise……. Elevates endorphins that in turn elevate mood.  And since anxiety is a risk factor for cardiovascular disease, high cholesterol and even obesity, working out can start to undo some of the damage stress does.” – Dr Oz (culled from an article on @TIME magazine)


The article, a beautiful and informative piece on stress and anxiety. I will stick to my exercises as getting medication or therapy is a distant dream!


Focused more on #Yoga movements and stretches, then did some kettlebell swings but with dumbbell! Added some sets of chest and Triceps! Called it a day! The cop allowed me outside for a quick jog! Needed it, fresh air and sunlight!


Back in for a quick shower and a power nap to recover!


The evening was relatively quiet as many are still recovering from the tolls of the Christmas fiestas. No special food from the kitchen, can’t friggin believe, we were served chicken nuggets at this festive season and three pieces per inmate! Who ever is in charge of our food should hung or spits-roasted for us to have a proper meat-meal 😉


So many scandal in the pavilion and in the centre. They say, ‘what men does in darkness, will come to light when light shines’….. The reason families weren’t allowed to bring in food on the 24th! ……… Some inmates had approached the director and procured permit to bring in all that will be needed to make a happy Christmas here, but to resell them to us! They bough ham, turkey, nuts, fruits and even cooked rice! But when the directives in the pavilion got the intel; there’s always one Judas among the twelve! they took control of door, on what should come in and what shouldn’t, with that control in place, nothing was allowed in!


Well, prison is where men out-hustled others by any means and by all means available. We live to profit from others, trampled on toes to get what we want! Such is our lives and also our miseries!


After all said and done, nothing was allowed in and the lads who had invested so much in the ill-fated business will probably find other ways to get rid of their goods; they are lucky, there’s a freezer upstairs where ice are stored!


Whatever will become of that business, is their friggin headache, at least I’m eating and living!


Announcement was on our PA system, the headcount will be an early one on Friday morning. There might be a search also! Thus, set all to be stashed before retiring to an early bed.


Friday, 27th December 2013

Up from sleep as early as 6am; didn’t sleep much as I know will be our headcount and an early one. Dressed up to workout under the early morning sun. All up and about with their morning rituals. Then the call came around 7ish…. Hurried out, did some stretching and hit the field, while our lazy-ass ones were still struggling to get up, I have done 5 lapses and couples of reverse push-ups. There were others who braved the early morning fatigue and took to the fields. Did enough to get my heart running, then hit the gym for an early workout. Swings and lounges to warm up and finally hit shoulders and arms. Enough for today!


In for a cold shake of milk + chocolate +peanut butter, and later breakfast of scrambled eggs on white bread and a cup of cold milk with BCAA 😉 …. Showered and washed my kits before hitting my sleep sack for a quick power nap.


Despite being Friday, the pavilion is relatively quiet, guess there’s nothing to celebrate or be happy about; well something to keep our tongues moving, eight new inmates were hauled in to end 2013 and begin 2014 in the slammer. One is what they call Repeated-offender! The lad was in and released on bail, but went back into haulage; ran out of luck and ended here again. Lad came this time around with his family; brothers, cousins and as I heard two woman (wives) in the female prison; seems he friggin love it here, that he tagged his family along. Well, theirs won’t be a lonely one, they’ve got proper relations around them. #Good4Them!


Upstairs to hunt or rather wait and wait for signal, but nothing on the radar. Better retired to my bunk and watch a rented film; Superman ‘The Man of Steel’……. Was a nice movie, alone while others were snoring, got my earphones and had my own cinema, well, not a wide screen and no popcorns and king-sized cola 😉


To survive the ordeals of prison, one need to put on the superman cape and become a #ManOfSteel in character, words and action. One must become unbreakable and resolved to come out stronger than he was when he first walked in.


“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you.”


How I will be defined and how I define myself after this episode will be my making and doing! 


Saturday, 28th Dec 2013


Not enough water in the tanks, but enough for the lad doing his general cleaning today to do his chores. Up early with others to move my things, made me a cup of green tea and left for upstairs.


Back down when they were done and set my stuffs in order. Took a quick shower and did some washing, cops on duty won’t allow anybody outside, at least was allowed to take my laundries outside to get dried.


My mate who wanted to workout today, and always late for his workouts, wasn’t allowed outside. He hung all day hoping the cop would let him out, didn’t get to train. One of the churches were having their services in the gym all. 


Bit quiet all evening, though some are having what they know to be good time; getting soak on whatever distil or brew they find available. The signal spot is deserted as all are away to their cells to get some much-needed night rest. But our nocturnal mates are roaming the passages, while are gathered together in their brotherhood to smoke or drink their night away.


It’s been a very long while I hung out at the night searching for signal. Decided to stay up all night and see if I’ll be lucky; and lucky I am, as I had enough signal to check through some sites, read news and send some of my tweets. It was a bit relieving, also chatted with Schat, who had been having a sleepless night due to my little girl’s high temperature. Glad everything is fine and the little one was snoring away as I heard from the voicenote sent by Schat. Thank the heavens for her strength and strong will!


Stayed up all night till around 4am, when a compatriot came up to also have a quiet moment with his missus. It seems signal is much better after 1am and before 8am; don’t want to go back to my late night browsing. Though, I still stay up, but in the comfy of my bed and with a book, which is not bad!


Finally got down, the lads used up all the water for their distillation; it’s a pity how these lads don’t think. We all know how water can become scarce at any moment here. Anyway, we will wait and see what happens tomorrow; #Sunday!


Sun 29 Dec 2013


My rest day, maybe day to lie down and take stock of all I have accomplished throughout the week; but then, what does one accomplish within the concrete walls of prison? Well, maybe survived for another week, and still in one piece!


Woke up to the fact of not having water as the lads are busy all week distilling and never bothered to fetch water from other cells when their private pumps are running!


Though, my two reserves tanks and gallons of water are laying in wait to be called up to services if the need arises.


Went through my morning rituals and had an early shower as I’m not working out today. Breakfast was a cup of green tea with peanut butter sandwich. Then back to my bed as the cell was filled with my mates are their lousy chattering companions whose beds or cells are friggin to warm for their liking. My cell seems to be the right place for them to congregate every morning for their daily men’s gossip and back-stabbing. Had fallen out with the youngest amongst them, glad he’s not from my cell as it wouldn’t take days before he got slammed! Lad is a friggin wanker, lacks respect; well, in prison respect is not what one’s want!


Back in my bed, did some reading until a mate came disturbing, then left for a walkabout around the pavilion; the centre is busy, bubbling with life. Though, not much drinking going on, probably keeping it till 31st when hell will break lose on the lads.


The pavilion is dry; no vegetables or anything green, the only thing green are the grasses outside, which are turning brown from the heat of the sun and maybe our sewage/drainage passage which is also green and stinky from algae.


Lunch and dinner were pathetic, but made me omelette with all my herbs and had it with bread and chocolate drink, what other way to end the day!


Mon 30 Dec 2013


Fresh new week, guess so much in it for us. Many are waiting for their release papers, some have been waiting for months, who knows what the workers at the correction offices are doing. Hope they get their release soon.


Up but lie still while my mates went about their daily rituals; which, apparently involves singing, cursing, trying to remember dreams they had last night, and other lousy morning talks that crosses their minds. Sometimes a news headline can trigger bouts of heated argument that can go on for hours all morning. Well, all adds up to helping with doing time.


I always wait till they are done before stepping down from my concrete wall. Set a pot of water to boil for a cup of tea and peanut butter sandwich. Made oatmeal which will be my post-workout meal. And my week began, headed to the gym with my kit box, picked up my friend’s radio for the music. The gym was busy and filled as the new cop on duty is still hard on us; not letting inmates out!


Had a #HIIT chest and Triceps with mixes of abs!


Back in the lads were busy watching soaps, what prison has done to young men; turning us to wimps!


A meeting was called for in the evening, didn’t bothered to go as I had other pressing needs. Later found out from a friend, it was centred on an old inmate who works in the groceries upstairs. The man like every other inmates is working for his belly and his purse, but many are jealous as it seems he’s making the most dough in here. Now, they want to stop him from bringing in things. Wonder if they will succeed as prisoners are never known to be successful at agreeing to a sole purpose and work towards it; always a judas or even more judases who are thinking of their self-interest first and last!


Whatever will become of the meeting, that I can I tell. We have never had a meeting and achieve any positive outcome. Wished one day, we will!


Tue 31 Dec 2013 00:05:52

The lads just finished distilling their last tank of mash will be serving their clients later tonight; #NewYearEve!


It’s officially Tue 31 Dec 2013! The last day of 2013….. What a journey, a slow but also fast-pace one, which still brings ugly and gloomy memories of gone past! Can’t wait for the day, this nightmare will be over. Some call the prison journey, a slow one when one’s life stopped and becomes stagnant. Like Gov of the state of Maryland US (Martin O’Malley) rightly put it  “Progress is a choice”, so also is failure. Mankind has come this far by improvising and surviving all the odds of life! thus, our survival instincts has kept and brought us this far.


Some are sleeping, but there are few who have started their new year’s vigil right now; music from one corner of the pavilion and the lads are probably drinking, blowing joints or snorting. Whatever they do to keep them up.


Left for bed as I need to train later today.


Last day in the gym as 2013 make way for 2014…. Didn’t expect much, but many did turned up. Joined my old group which was my first group here; the old bloke who is a seasoned gym freak, has seen many come and go; some leave for good, others leave after some verbal brawls. I’m the only one who still go back to workout with him whenever I feel like; ‘cos I know and understand him…. Well after reading and listening to a podcast on “How to deal with difficult people”… And where else other than prison will you find difficult people..Lol!


Workout was intensive, Back and Arms’race 😉

Had all we have to do set up, and took turns in a #HIIT format of workout, was excruciating but rewarding. Cops won’t let us outside, so we had to do all needed to be done inside the gym hall.


Back in, the lads were making their final preparation for tonight’s fiestas. while in the gym, wheelbarrows loaded with grilled chicken and other stuffs were wheeled in. And within seconds, the chicken were gone each at $12, tripled the street price! Had the old crook selling dropped one for me, and like always, a part is missing; last time was a leg, and today one of the wings had flown away, probably into his old guts. Prison don’t friggin change anybody, people change when they are ready and if they want to. I believe it’s the prison’s experience that changes people not being locked up!


Well, back to our last day in #2013…. Frying, cooking and some distillers like one in my cell are running their last batches for tonight.


Our surviving Queen, who was so happy when her younger rival left is all out in her full glory, those willing to pay the extra might be favoured to have her services which is the ‘Happy-Ending’ type.


Upstairs, many are on phones, chatting and calling to wish their loved ones happy new year as many parts of the world had already slipped into 2014. Sent few chats to Schat, who was stepping into #2014 in the church with the kids. I bet, tonight she will be on her knees until she hears that inner voice that recognises the pain of a humbled heart. Received two emails from my daughter and son, both wouldn’t want any present, but just want me back home and promise never to leave again. One day, in the future, they will know, maybe they will get to read my blogs, my dairies and all my tweets. Maybe they will understand then, but till then, it will be this way; promises based on hope!


Seems we have been reprieved by the cops, who hasn’t shown up for search. Been a sort of cat and mouse game, we don’t trust them, and neither do they trust us. Thus, we’re always on full alert for any shady movement within the centre.


Upstairs, but no radio as most cells and groups are already into their fiestas. But enough drinks to get us going and enough prison gossips that will keep us busy. Finally we had the boom-box from my Jamaican mate and our party took a different turn. My distiller-cellmate brought a litre of his distil, but most kept to my wine or moonshine.


The race into 2014, got many pissed and knockout, vomiting and slumped in different corners of the pavilion.


Our Queen wasn’t left out, she was upstairs with some lads, tagged along was her pharmacist who supplies what keep her kicking; she had a beautiful floral scarf wrapped just above her DD cups tits, and was busy teasing the lads as she flashes them part and bits of her flesh, she has finally got her nipples pierced, that reminds me, I overheard some lads talking about piercing their dicks and having a ball or bearing or pearl inserted into the foreskin; they say it’s for the ultimate pleasure, hope not like the ultimate pleasure derived from what pinhead did to his victims in #Hellraiser.


Anyway, our Queen posted for some sensuous photo-shot, she was like a #Hollywood star, flashes from our all-purpose smartphones were raining on her and others were busy videoing this one-off moment. She did give her clients some good time and something close to the real thing. But she dare not go below the belt, as down-under she ain’t no different from us 😉


Wed 1 Jan 2014 ….. Midnight struck and here we are, another year, still hoping and believing; everything seems to have been taken away when one is slammed, but they can’t stop and can’t take away one’s right to hope and believe. Guess, that makes us human! I hope, believe and pray that this year will bring a positive response from #DenHaag!


It’s 21:08:51 on Wed 1 Jan 2014!


Have had my share of hangovers which many are still searching for whatever cures they could find. Had a some of my wine with the lads from my cell and their buddies. Many went way above their limits, and are paying the price for over-indulging.


Had left my mates around 2am, got down, had a quick shower before hitting my prison-made pillows (who knows if the foams are washed before the lads filled them into the pillowcases)… Music was banging from every corner in the pavilion, but didn’t bothered me, all I needed at that moment was to close my eyes and dream away the stress of life in the slammer.


Many chose to drink, thinking and believing it will help relieves their torments, but little do they know what alcohol can do. The tolls of last night fiestas were all seen and felt today; vomiting in different cells, some are still downing effervescent; Andrews salts and others. Mine wasn’t like most, woke up to a cold shower, washed up the dishes of last night, warmed the grilled chicken from yesterday and had an iced-cold water; guess that was the last ice, as ice didn’t come in today. Back to sleep, but my mates brought their party home as music was still blasting from the bunk under mine. They finally gave up and went out.


In the past, the food we get during festive periods used to be something one can devour at a sitting. Since a private firm took over the catering service, our food is absolute rubbish; half-cooked rice + stones, salads with maggots (found one in mine some days ago), half-cooked chicken which comes with diarrhoea if eaten they way they are served, we always cook them all over again to make it edible.


When I finally woke up, felt rejuvenated, had a brunch of white rice + egg sauce made by a mate. Later in the evening I made chicken curry sauce with another round of white rice; enough for 13 mouths. And that’s the best we can get for the first day of 2014. The only local allowed into our pavilion; a professional boxer who is doing time for whatever crime he had committed was so pissed that he camed vomiting in our toilet; some say he stabbed his then girlfriend. Hope he finds redemption and go back to his boxing career.


21:35:21…. The party is dying out in some cells, but few are still drinking, while most are asleep ready to begin a new day tomorrow. A cellmate who has been waiting for his release since October might be leaving tomorrow or on Friday at most. Along with about fourteen others, I hope they leave soon.


Tomorrow, life will get back to normal, so also the pavilion, everything will go back as it used to be. Hope the gym opens as I need to get back to my training. And it might be our headcount, thus, gotta sleep early tonight.


22:03:31… Our whistle has just gone off, thus, those still partying should start clearing their cups and bottles. And on television; #ANightAtTheMuseum is on, ours should be #ANightInTheSlammer 😉


Finally, 2014 has met me here in the slammer, still hoping and wishing on the stars.


“No one else can ever make your choices for you. Your choices are yours alone. They are as much a part of you as every breath you will take, every moment of your life.” – Dr. Shad Helmstetter


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