Prison Experience: Some mistakes make us who we are.

 

Prison experience can shape the character and principles of one’s life, these experiences in turn either humble your character and personality or turn you into a fierce, aggressive, and hostile human being.

 

15:22:03 on Mon 28 Oct 2013

 

The day has gone pretty fast, my mates started the day with early chattering and lazy talk of what I don’t know. Kept still on my bed until the ramblings upstairs got me up, hope not another bout of fight. Take no chances; one of the most used slogans used in the joint, quickly, dismantle my phones, separating the chips and memory cards, ready to stash them. Then I heard the zone is clear of cops. Just as I had thought, two young lads woke up feeling the strength of incredible hulk and decided to let out some steam. From what I heard, one of the young lads accused the other of nicking his $100, on the inside that’s like a grand; the accused was pounced upon like a prey being apprehended by a fiercer predator; the attacker had his mates watched from a distance while he threw punches after punches at his suspect.

 

Such is life on the inside; Behind bars, he might or might not be the one who nicked the said money. But since there are many accusing him……he has no chance of defending himself; it’s a case of one against the majority! Our life, our fate!

 

While those having visit today went out, I hit the gym for an intensive #HIIT #Chest workout. Joined a group on the bench while my mates joined me afterwards, needed it, after a long weekend off from workout.

 

Done with workout, when I saw the local lad who sells water to us; met up with him, after a brief chat, agreed to sell me 5 tanks of water, rushed in and got out 5 tanks with enough money ($1 per tank), that’s friggin expensive, many will rather use that money for 5 rolls of joint or a pinch of Maryjane. But, I need the water, soaked in my sweats and have to wash my gym clothes. Got two of my cellmates to foot the bill; the water was meant for another inmate, but seeing the dough, the lad gave all 5 tanks to me. #PrisonBusiness ……first come, first served!

 

The visit went fine with loads of food and other goodies to be sold. Refused to dine on the food, scare of another bout of diarrhoea. Heard from a mate, a lady was arrested after she tried smuggling in 10 sim cards of the only working network. On the outside, it’s about $1 per Sim card, but on the inside and now, it’s sold for $10 and more. She and her inmate male friend must have figured out how much profit they will make, and then decided to risk it. She was given a fine of $120 and had her visit right removed for 6 Months. Too bad for the lad, no Sim cards and no visit for 6 months, ain’t bad, some of us are here for about 4 years and without proper visit; well, exceptional of our consular visit. 

 

Very hot today, who knows what the temperature is, guess about a boiling point as I’m drenching in sweat, was supposed to rain, but nothing pouring down, hope it rains hell tonight.

 

A meeting was called today, to address our never-ending problem of water. We have contributed and paid money for pipes to be laid out, but nothing positive has happen to change our predicament. The locals are the ones benefiting, they get water and sell it to us. Someone gotta make profit from other man’s suffering. I doubt if the meeting will change anything, ain’t the first and neither will it be the last.

 

Facts are coming on what really happened to our president; upstairs by the administration, he was attacked by a local, after the local asked him his name and confirmed that he was the right man. The lad battered his face, and then told him, he’s a snitch and a rat; many amongst us believes he’s the one ratting us to the cops. That’s something that can’t be proved, like every other incident, it’s fuelled by rumours from lazy men who has got so much time in their hands but nothing to do with that time. From this moment, he will live, constantly watching his back as he has been marked, not even a walk to the admin will be easy for him. The locals paid to do him, will be waiting like predators for the moment signal will come out, that their hunt is out and about.

 

Life in the joint can reduce a man to nothingness; he becomes the enemy of himself, driving himself into despair and finally into oblivion.

 

20:29:28

Switching from one sim card to another as we search for signal that ain’t no where to be found. A compatriot did sent a tweet to one of the major networks and he was told, by the order of the cops they have cut off signal around all the prisons, meaning, we’re now #FUCKED! Big Time!

 

The only spot in the pavilion, has gotten the lads scrambling and pointing their handsets and tablets to one direction; funny how it looks up here, like some kind of zen-movement, got no choice… Have to wait when they’re all gone, not many has got the patience to stay up all night waiting for signal…. #Patience; the only virtue that is in abundance within the walls of prisons, if you don’t have it, you have to acquire it with time.

 

23:52:26 Mon 28 Oct 2013

Seems our new ladee is a proper chimney; she puffing jumbo size of hand-wrapped joints one after the other. She is got the lad who ushered her into the pavilion on her first day hovering around her locked door like a male dog hovering around his bitch. So bad she is not in the cell with the lad, the lad can be seen stalking around the passage to and fro to chat up with her. Don’t this will go well with her host and the lad who gave up his bed for her. Something sinister is brewing and sooner than we thought, there will be clash of trans-suitors, from past scenarios, it’s always bloody and fatal; lovers brawl.

 

My mate who did couple of years in America once told me; In America, inmates always fight for three things, namely; #Money, #Drugs (not the ones you get from your street corner pharmacy, but proper controlled-substances) and finally for #GayLovers. The last is always the most brutal and fatal, as it involves men who had finally found love and a willing partner  who is ready to give himself to love and be thrust for the pleasures of both parties. The few who had been with us had always kept a low profile, a sort of open-secret. Some workers amongst them were sort of doing community services, providing mouth services to the sex-starved lads for a fee or proper meals. The las one that was sent packing, just couldn’t hold his sh!t together, after his nightly walkabout, his mates had to do the clean-up for him; vomits, soil boxers and splashed toilets. The lads couldn’t stand him anymore; they were actually scared of what he might have which they don’t know. So they sent him packing to pavilion 8, where is was too happy to go; loads of wealthy clientele base on the other side of the fence who might want to patronise his nightly community service. Good luck to him.

 

Soon our new ladee mate will get to know what ought to be done to make money; someone told me, she has been advanced by an interesting client, “Time will Tell”

 

Tried staying all night for signal, but to no avail, resigned like others who are tired of waiting. The signal issue is driving us crazy. Soon the only way to let out the bottled steam will be through physical outlet; aggressive altercation.

 

Back to my cell, unlike me, early night, some reading and played some games on my phone and finally flipped through photographs of my loved ones; bringing back good memories, of times past, how I wished to wake up in the arms of my love and to the chattering of my little musketeers. That moment will come, with time, it will come.

 

Ended my thought-filled night with some Andre Rieu violin songs and that sent me to the world beyond; where a prisoner is free, into dreamland.

 

Tue 29 Oct 2013

Since I slept earlier last night, I was up with the rest of the lads, one of my mates was busy by 7:30am nailing his new shelves to the concrete wall, and disturbing others as they were trying to get their last few hours of sleep.

 

There’s no water, but I have a tank left which I always keep for a moment like this. Lying on my bed, and thinking of what to do or rather, what I will do today. Our lives revolves around water; we can survive for a while without food, but not without water. Hearing the clanking sound of metals in the gym got my springing up, dressed up and ready to hit the weights. How I’m going to use this one tank will be a miracle. Made a breakfast of oats + peanut butter and some slice of ginger.

 

Many were surprised to see me in the gym that early, rather be found in the gym than sitting in the cell entertainning idle talk. Since I will be off on Wednesday, decided to do all-rounder body workout; picking out compund exercises for each body parts, incorporating a #HIIT format of workout. Two lads joined me, been waiting for this day, they are foul-mouthed; grilled both of them with intensive workouts until they were our of breathe. One took excuse and left, thought he went out to jog, but lad was sitting outside trying to recover. That’s what I call #GoodSh!T

 

Done with workout, only to find out one of my cellmates had used half of my water to flush the toilet, well, I’m left with half-full of a tank or pessimistic-speaking;  half-empty! Water came in a cell but they wouldn’t give others, thus, had to showered with my half tank. Soaked my gym clothes, whenever water comes, will do the washing.

 

Lentils and chicken parts came in for lunch with the usual half-cooked rice, took some lentils and passed the rest, my mates made food from the leftovers of yesterday’s visit food; also made a pass on that, scared of diarrhoea, not now when we don’t have water.

 

Prison is never a safe place, but once you are in, you do all you can to make yourself safe and secure. Until recently, our pavilion has been a quiet one, with less brawls and fights compared with the locals; where there are always stabbing, fights and shootings incidents on daily basis. Now our pavilion is becoming like theirs; we’re seeing verbal and physical brawls everyday, little incidends that used to be settled amicably ends up with punches been thrown and knives been drawn. It takes a lot of talking to persuade them from using their drawn-out knives.

 

But the latest incident is something that should make everyone here rethink about what safety we really want. A local came in here today and beat up the lad that was involved in an early morning fight yesterday; apparently, from sources who seems to know the who is who of the gang worlds, the local that came in today is the leader of the lad’s gang on te street. Info has gotten to them that the lad is talking too much, so el efe (The Boss), huge or fat from living large on the inside, came to castigate the wayward foot soldier. It was a daring act, in front of his cellmates and others in the pavilion, and nobody stood to his defence. Everyone knows, war with the locals doesn’t end until blood and life is taken, what happened to our president could happen to anybody. But the president case as we’ve come to know, is an inside job; someone or groups of inmates had ordered the beating. The man has been reduced to a pulp; quiet as a cornered mouse. He knows that daunting act was a warning of what more fatal could come his way. But there’s no proof that he’s the snitch or the rat, ratting us to the cops.

 

Today’s incident is a clear warning, pointing to the insecurity and how easy it is for one to meet his demise right where you think you’re safe; one’s supposed turf.

 

16:58:01 on Tue 29 Oct 2013

Upstairs, bit cooler than my cell which is hot as an oven, above the cell next to where I’m sitting, an old Spaniard is blowing on his crack pipe, all his earnings from lottery sales which he does daily, ends up feeding his addiction to crack coke. Wondering if he does eat, he has the proper look of an European prisoner #Lockup in the jungle.

 

21:04:31

Had thought it will rain, the thundering and dark clouds earlier today has given way to a clear sky. Thus, it will be miraculous to have rain tonight. If there’s no water tomorrow, many will voice out their angst against the authorities.

 

Spent the rest of the night waiting and gazing into my phone as I read saved articles and waiting for signal. What I feared and dreaded most struck me at the eleventh hour; stomach upset! Was so scared that it will be diarrhoea from food that came in on Monday. Went down to use the loo and back to my signal post. Eventually had signal on my #Android phone around 1am, and it lasted for about 15 minutes; which was enough to update my old tweets, refresh my news apps, brief chat with Schat and rushed all necessary emails.  Have learned to adapt and pre-write and saved all work, thus, when signal turns up, all I have to do is click send!

 

Stayed up till around 3am before retiring to my bunk downstairs. Struggled with sleep as I lay on my bed trying to rid myself of bitter memories as they kept creeping in; every inmate night, the one thing he wants to get rid off is what keeps coming back and that memories of yesterday!

 

Wed 30 Oct 2013

Finally fell asleep on the early hours of Wednesday, only to be shaken and awoken by inmates running helter-skelter with alarm of police coming towards the pavilion. Then I knew, gone is my sleep, and it was a false alarm, as the cops has found a new pavilion to vent out their angers; Pavilion 8 (the other pavilion for foreigners in La Joya), since they found the pistol and other weapons of warfare. The lads should be ready for frequent impromptu calls from the cops; whom out of boredom will always be going there to scavenge and search for things they deemed illegal. But then, how did a pistol got into a maximum secured facility; the answer to that question is within and amongst us, corrupt cops and wardens, who will do anythhing for benjamins!

 

No school today, heard there’re some problems upstairs; recent confrontations amongst the locals and amongst us; the foreigners. One can’t really tell what is happening, but the situation in the centre is very tensed. There has been series of meetings amongst our so-called “Grupo Apoyo”….. Or Santa little helpers; group of old-timers in our pavilion, chosen to keep the rule of law and order and maintain peace in the pavilion. But the lots of them are corrupted working for their personal benefits.

 

Our president has stepped down, after the fatal incident that had his jaw bones broken. Heard he was punched with a metal knuckle, which knocked out his remaining set of teeth, lad had barely any before the altercation. He was meant to be taken to the hospital in the city, till date he’s still here lamenting in agony.

 

Took a much-needed power nap this after to be awoke by the intense heat from my wannabe-chef cellmate who cooks for his mates in another cell; always been blunt with him, he mates should always send two tanks of water for his cookery service.

 

Dr. Porter has taken to resistance/weights training, apart from doing his daily walkabout, he does need thhe weights to keep his muscles firm, strong and healthy; despite his medical conditions, he’s doing what many abled young men don’t find comfort in doing; #Exercises

 

Tomorrow, Thursday, another headcount of the week, who knows what the cops has got in stock for us? Maybe a nother showdown of impromptu search, apparently, we’re waiting for the mundiale search; when hundreds of cops from outside will storm us for a thorough prison search, such always happen on the run-up to Christmas.

 

22:32:31!

About to change base to where the lads are gathering for signal, haven’t had my shower today, got a gallon, which will do for tonight. For tomorrow, who knows? Just gotta survive!

 

19:07:49 on Thu 31 Oct 2013

It’s almost weekend, feeling worn-out, didn’t get enough sleep last night; after I got down from my signal spot, did some reading and decided to watch some films, since I couldn’t sleep. Been a long while I sat down to watch a film from the beginning to the end, barely got time for that. Finally got to sleep around 5ish, and awoken around 8ish to use the loo. Being our headcount day, couldn’t nap after my workout today.

 

It rained cats and dogs today; just before I left for gym, started raining, very heavy, everybody had all their tanks and containers filled. But if it doesn’t rain tomorrow or the day after, we will be back to square one; our drought!

 

Was too weak to keep up with my planned workout for today; #Shoulders + #Abs…. But glad, I pulled through despite my weakness. Almost everyone had their dirty clothes washed today, with enough water for all, many use the opportunity to do their dirty laundry, the only problem will be where to get them dry, the lines in the pavilion are all taken, with sheets and clothes hanging every corner. Finally got to change my bedspreads and sheets, washed my gym clothing which I soaked for about two days now, friggin relieved.

 

Our headcount didn’t go well today, we had to be counted three friggin times. Don’t know which dumbo didn’t go out first and second time. Our new shemale mate paid a visit to our cell today when she came to pick up some groceries and actually gave me and a mate a odd gift; #Banana? Hummmmmmmm! Wondering why banana, she got two for herself (will rather stick to addressing her with feminine pronouns; sometimes we get confused), damned, supposed to be a “HE”, but with that #DDCUPS and a ass that will turn #JLo green, we’ll rather call him a “SHE”. The only fella who had such curvy, silicon filled booty was a freed #Jamaican inmate, his wasn’t as massive as our new ladee mate; Brendita! But during his reign as the Queer, or rather Queen of the pavilion, the lads like fondly or patting him on his backside and he friggin enjoyed the attention, which angered his Jamaican compatriots. Then, and till date, they always say, if he was Jamaica, he would’ve been a goner, freakin weird fellas, drug dealers and other criminals are seen as stars in their society. Well sure is life!

 

Went upstairs briefly for signal, but couldn’t keep my eyes wide open; nature’s calling. The sleep I didn’t get is telling on my fragile body, had to packed up and went straight to my bunk, where I snored the evening away only to be awoken around 10ish, guess I must have slept for about 2 or 3hours. What woke me up was my mates arguing about something that should be bothering everyone here; in my sleep, I heard #SIDA….. Which is #Aids in English, opened my eyes and listened as they took turns in talking. A lad was trying to tell them about a lad which I presumed they all knew; he was locked up, upon released, got home to wife and kids, but felt bit awkward about his wife. After some months he went for #HIV test and found that he was positive, told the wife to do same, at first she relented, but eventually went and tested positive also. Within a year, the wife died; from what they were saying, the wife was poking around when her man was in the slammer and along the line of her nightly duty she picked up something and when her man came back after time done, she gave him that deadly welcome gift.

 

And they went on and on talking about other cases, but then, they seems to forget the ones right under their noses; the many inmates indulging in flings with other inmates in this pavilion and with rumours of who is walking around with deadly infections. And I doubt if they had a second thought about our barbershops; what hygienic procedures they take to keep their machines and equipment safe and sterile! And they all have their hairs cut on weekly basis, I refused to use the barbershop and my balding hairline is always an issue to talk among them. I rather look like a cave man than pick up something through the negligence and foolishness of someone else.

 

The young lad in my cell, whose accomplice died of HIV/AIDS related illness, has had this scalp problem since he came here, about 3yrs on now, and the rashes seems to always breakout after treatment; I once had him on a strong course of vitamin C and antibiotics, which helped then, but they all returned. His medications now; is what #HIV patients use! Keeps me thinking, and he was the lad involved in the moonshine-fuelled lewd act with our new cellmate. On that case, the lad, after drinking and getting himself smashed, and while we were all asleep sneak to the young lad and proposed to do him a favour of blowing him and get done in return; the young lad was too happy as he hasn’t had such for about 4yrs now. Another cellmate who heard the whispering peeped from his curtain and saw both lads in the young lad’s bunk, curtain drawn and after some minutes they started arguing; the new mate did his part of their deal, but the young lad refused to honour his part 😉

 

It was a secret for a few hours, in the morning, the pavilion knew what happened and the young lad felt he is the macho, while the new lad is his girl. Till this day, he’s calm as he knows if he starts a brawl with anyone, he’s got loads of names that is hanging on him. Others are pretty open about their sexuality, but others rather keep it sealed in their closets. Now that we have a new would-be sex worker, only time will tell, as I’m seeing many on the edge hovering around our new heavily chested and booty shemale. Soon she will be on the market to offer her wares and whatever she is got; our old queen whom we rarely don’t see much of her, used to do lap dance, special dressed-ups and graces birthday parties with one-on-one dance. And she also plays the role of our night nurse; hopping from one bunk to another, tending to the lad’s need. Lest I forget; she and our Jamaican ladee were very good with manicure, pedicure and sensual massages, but for a fee!

 

Soon we will discover what talent our new shemale has for us, apart from robbing men who secretly visit shemales in the city, she should have other talents that will be useful and earned her some dough to meet her joint-chain-smoking need. If she loves the bottles, wouldn’t mind introducing her to my special #RedWine #Moonshine #Brew. She will love it! Or she might opt for our potent and lethal distil, the new #Poland/ #Canadian mate nicknamed #PapaNoel or #Santa because of his heavy white beard; once told a mate that if the mash is distilled once; it’s poisonous, real #Vodka must go through triple distillation. Well, not with what these lads are doing here. They will be too glad to get all through the first process, adding water to the final product increases the volume; thus, more money!

 

Back in Renacer, a Korean inmate who was addicted to alcohol once bought methylated spirit (Methanol) from the locals; the lads added kool-aid to the alcohol and sold it to the man, who drank and collapsed. He was lucky as we close to the hospital then. He was rushed to the hospital and survived the ordeal.

 

If I want to drink, I drink my brew; fermented fruit juice makes a good homemade #Wine or #Moonshine.

 

01:23:32 on Fri 1 Nov 2013!

It’s weekend, time really flies, waits for no one! Once its gone,  can’t be redeemed; such is how we’ve wasted precious times of our lives incarcerated!

 

The new mate is talking in his sleep, feel like wagging him a hot slap, the lad does this every night, think he’s sick and need some visit to the shrink, but can’t and won’t have it here, as there ain’t no shrink to take care of inmates unseen problems; our psychological problems.

 

08:11:46 on Fri 1 Nov 2013

Wow! How time flies, December is around the corner, will be my fifth, thus, the fifth Christmas in the slammer; fate and destiny.

 

Don’t know what my cellmates are doing, woken me up, I might as well hit the gym early today. But, first gotta look for where to get my washed laundry out before it start smelling bad.

 

The day started with a bright and sunny sky, lucky to had my bedspreads dried, every line and space on the grass were occupied with our laundries. Just before noon, the sky turned dark as the sun gave way for a dark gloomy sky; pregnant with another bout of rain, which came pouring hard just after my last workout of the week.

 

The gym was packed as always, but the new cop who took over yesterday allowed people outside to do their workouts in the patio. The boxing group and those running enjoyed the warmth of the sun. While the rest of us stick to our weights. It was a mixed of #Chest and #Arms and hardcore kettlebell swings; using a dumbbell in place of the kettlebell.

 

Back in, did another round of washing, gym clothes and more of my dirty laundries. Tomorrow, Saturday; our general cleaning as there is enough water. All our tanks are filled, hope it rains all through weekend as we will be in need of water; it’s public holidays in Panama, and on such moment, public services are always shut down, thus, there might not be water, which in fact hasn’t been for two weeks now. Been a festive season, virtually everything will be shutdown until next week.

 

No new inmates and none released today, but there are so many new faces in the pavilion; last few weeks had seen many hauled in to begin the cruelly journey into uncertainty.

 

Having flu symptoms from bathing with cold rain water, not just me, many are lining up in my cell to purchase cold remedies from my pharmacist cellmate. My mate and I are sticking to fresh ginger tea; helps with internal cold and joint pains.

 

21:23:00 on Fri 1 Nov 2013

#Weekend; groups are formed on different spots in the pavilion, some in cells, others on top of the cells or corners around the passages listening to music as te sip from either moonshine or liquor. Others rather indulge in blowing joints and chattering away their time.

 

Our revellers carried on with their drinking all through the night, sat out with others waiting for signal before nature called me up, which made me gave up my spot. Signal came up, but was very weak and with many hanging around to get online, I left for my cell and bunk around 2ish, couldn’t sleep; crazy swing moods. Finally closed my eyes around 4ish.

 

Sat 2 Nov 2013

The lads finally did the general cleaning in the cell, which brought some form of freshness into the cell.

Like other Saturdays; inmates are catching some fun to help with the mood. Earlier today, there was a brawl between two inmates, once of them pulled a knife on the other. Many wants the knifeman thrown out of the pavilion; this will be another test on the efficacy of our unwritten rules of conduct in the pavilion. On Thursday during the headcount, I saw one of the dope-head #Spaniard rewriting our rules that has seen many coats of paints painted over it, will receive new life and send its warning to our deafened ears.

 

Someone who witnessed the incident said, the lad’s name was sent to the cop outside; thus, he’ll be thrown out on Monday. It’s something we will all wait and see the outcome, if the lad is above the law.

Water came today from the prison water supply; but the colour wasn’t anything different from the water we fetched from the stagnanted pond outside the pavilion to be use in out toilet. Have three dug-out pond to receive rain water whenever it rains, so we can have enough water to flush our toilets. There were times we were forced to bathe with that water, there was no other option or alternatives; add some bleach and it’s ok to shower with.

 

It seems, since the fight, there have been series of meetings between different factions involved in the brawl. Whatever they’re discussing is probably too late as the knifeman ought to be thrown out come Monday!

 

Being a pavilion with 24hrs open cells, inmates are free to roam around whatever time they choose to; as such most find time and dark corners to indulge in their nocturnal bodily lewd acts, posting sentry around corners to check for intruders.

 

There are olders inmates who had never been to the gym and wouldn’t want to, to avoid fracas with the youthful ones who wouldn’t share their weights and others are juiced up and ready to unleash roid-rage on others at any little upset. These older inmates routinely wake up by 4am to do their walkabout round the passages before others are awoken; it takes dedication to keep to such routines as I have seen men resigned their lives to fate and what prison holds for them.

 

Early in the morning, one can see litters on the floors; bottles #Gatorade or #Powerade but filled with urine and not some energry drink, inmates with full bladder after night of drinking and consuming will opt for bigger bottles like the 2 litres coca-cola ones to empty their full bladder, all these happens despite every cell having rubbish bins outside each cell. Some are just to lazy and dirty, they say dirty habits are hard to weaned off.

 

Sun 3 Nov 2013

Frustrated as there was no signal, I went to me bed around 11pm, couldn’t sleep as thoughts floods my mind; always memories I want to do away with, plug in some inspiring audio book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill, which helps as I listened to his motivational talks on the power of the mind. Finally relaxed with news I was able to update when there was an open window on our signal frequency.

 

Slept very deep for the first time; knackered and tired from short burst of sleeps and intensive, cruelly workouts. Didn’t know it was raining, woke up around 4am to use the loo, which someone had splattered; wondering who did that, drove me to the brink of waking everyone, but for the sake of the old inmate with serious blood pressure problem, I kept my cool. Whoever did it will face my wrath later on, couldn’t get back to sleep, whoever filled the tanks was too lazy to finish his work. Thus, I had to fill up all the tanks and every empty bottles of coke and my Welch’s gallons, also our cooking pots; water scarcity has driven my nutters over water, I hoard water as one doesn’t know what will happen the following day. Took an early cold shower despite feeling feverish yesterday, made me a cup of fresh ginger and popped in a bag of green tea; that will keep be warm as I made my way upstairs to our signal spot. I was first to get them, got a chair from my mate upstairs who was still sleeping.

 

Upstairs and at that early hours, signal was great, good access to update my news apps and even got a 3G band; listened to radio stations briefly which kept the signal streaming. Our ingenious way to keep the signal for a while without breaking up; once you get a 3G, open an online radio station, once it starts streaming, it keeps the signal on for a while, which allows one to do other stuffs online, like #twitter, #Facebook, and other instant messenger application like #whatsapp and #BBM. Stayed up until others started streaming in, got crowded and my battey juice need some extra power up. Left for my mate’s shank on top of one of the cells, famished and sleepy at the same time. Got some powder milk and made my way to my cell, where some of my mates were still sleeping. Made me a hot oatmeal with peanuts, should get some peanut butter, actually made enough for everyone, pretty hard to eat alone. Had mine and back to catch some sleep, which I know would be very hard to catch as these lads will be up and about in their daily preoccupations; chattering and singing off notes ballads. But I know I will sleep as I’m totally wasted.

 

So much has happened within last week and this week; my compatriot finally had an interview with a television-journalist back home in #Nederland about our situation and #DenHaag ‘s refusal to grant us repatriation so we will be closer to our loved ones. Since our signal crisis, sending emails is harder than going for a walk outside; for the latter, a can of cola or a bottle of powerade will get the cop to let you out. But sending emails is something many here don’t even dare to, I prefer emails, once sent, the recipient will always find it, so long it doesn’t get into #Spam folder ;-). I finally got my compatriot’s mail sent to the journalist who later rang him and had a recorded interview with him for a follow-up on a previous documentary on the state of our cases.

 

One will only hope, that the programme will help change the course of things, as many of are financially, mentally and health-wise drained. For now, our fingers are crossed as this programme will be air, in the past, there’s always mixed reactions to Dutch detainees outside Europe, since those in and within #Europe or #EU #EEC rarely have problems with getting repatriated or #WOTS as they call the process in #Dutch.

 

Its 17:59:40 on Sun 3 Nov 2013 …..

Had enough sleep for today, will be going upstairs again to hustle for signal, but not after my verbal brawl with someone did the splatter earlier today, everyone denied it. But, I eventually put my feet on the ground, being second oldest here and I actually bought most of our utensils; told them, whoever cooks, should endeavour to clean up. Hope someone will adhere to that as I’m bent on constantly reminding them. We had the needed meeting as I poured out my mind on the dirty habit by someone in the cell. What broke the last straw was someone who wanked in the toilet and used our hand-towel to clean his cum (semen), another inmate knew who did it, but wouldn’t mention who did it. If he talks, they call him #Sapo (frog) which is #Rat or #Snitch. To them, if one does something bad, and another sees it, you shouldn’t say who did it, kinda driving me nutters. I hope our amicable discussions today will yield positive reults.

 

23:04:44 on Sun 3 Nov 2013

Signal is bad, but many who made the switch to a different network, can only make calls as they seems to have a 2G frequency. I need something higher to get online. Thus, will have to wait patiently until the spot is clear.

Just found out about the lad who pulled a knife on another yesterday, the lad who pulled the knife seemed to be a jovial, socially lad; always drinking and blowing joint, but the lad he pulled the knife on, is someone who’s on my black book, we barely get along. His mate is one of my cellmates, since he buys stuffs for the guy to cook, he feels his on top of the world, forgetting that he doesn’t feed me; he knows we are at cold war, probably his chef-mate has told him to be careful with the way he talks to me and others in the cell. The lad is lousy, our eyes are on him. He’s lucky the lad didn’t plunge the knife and ripped his guts out.

 

We try to live at and in peace with all men, but sometimes you are pushed to the wall, then you’ve got no option, other than gaining momentum and launch back with force and all one’s got!

Another holiday season in the country; which has literally shut down everything in the centre. My food today was my morning oatmeal and beans soup which I had with fried eggs. Might make me another oatmeal before sleeping or chocolate drink, but ain’t got bread. #Malo!

 

Just hours after the last drop of rainfall, our water has gone half-way down, wondering what the lads are doing with water. Hope more rainfall tomorrow; should be hitting the gym for a #Back and #Shoulder combo, just had the September edition of #MuscleAndFitness magazine in, super workout routines, diet information; the latter not for me. Did bought #Broccoli but at cut-throat price, $4 a piece! Little did one know, being a prisoner can be a very expensive business; one have to fend for oneself. Guess it all amount to the cost of crime, friggin expensive!

 

Will try to get this online tonight, hopefully the lads will start peeling out of the spot, the more phones there, the more difficult it is to get connected.

 

The lad whose gang-boss, whom my mates called “El Efe” came to beat as they thought he’s becoming lousy is a bit quiet now. But what has got us wondering, how a local will leave his pavilion and walk right into ours and beat up someone here; the cops and wardens are all involved. Heard even the cops are scare of these gangs as many knows their homes and families and that’s how weapons of all kinds gets into the population.

 

There was another fight last night (Saturday night), lasted about a minutes or so, started with verbal exchange of hot words, then came the swift and timed punches. All for unpaid debts, about $50 is owed to a white-haired man by another compatriots of his; lad’s on joint and booze, day-to-day business. Why will someone lend another money when you know he has no means of paying back; no job and no deals. Well, they just have to sort out their problems, as we all have some little devil of ours bugging us individually; once on the inside, Everyman on his own and to himself. There’s this struggle to survive amongst us. And this is literally seen in the greed that has swept and eating us up; inmates rarely share food, many believes that the more one eats, the better chance of surviving. And they seems to forget, accumulating calories and not expanding them through mobility is also dangerous to one’s health and state of mind. It takes a lot individually to do one time here and leave healthy or with sound state of mind.

 

There is a resolve to do well here, once banged up, many falls into that spiritual hibernation of soul-searching and some will come out with that resolve to a change life and work towards a different future.

 

They say wisdom comes with age, sometimes not applicable to everyone, of course as you get older your personality changes; for good or bad! The choice is always personal!

 

“When something bad happen, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you.”

 

“Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.” – Robert Schuller

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