“When people appear to be something other than good and decent, it is only because they are reacting to stress, pain, or the deprivation of basic human needs such as security, love, and self-esteem.” ~ Abraham Maslow (Toward a Psychology of Being, 1968)
Can we ever escape the past? Or are we all bound to walk forever in the shadow of yesterday’s mistake…… #PrisonersFate
It’s 16:12:10 on Fri 25 Oct 2013!
#TGIF …… Finally, another weekend, taking a short break from my #HIIT workout to recuperate and rejuvenate. #Saturday and #Sunday my days off from cruelly workout.
When I hit gym this morning, it was packed, despite the cop on duty being nice to let those who want to use the patio out. Many stick to the weights. Managed to get me set of dumbbell and a short bar, was enough for my form of #HIIT; few lads joined me, had my friend’s boombox out in the gym, with proper workout music to fuel the sets and reps of my improvised workout routines. Wasn’t bad as I felt very bad-ass afterwards; fully pumped up and not from steroid use like my roid-addict compatriot (apparently, he admits to it, that he’s addicted to it, maybe when he was younger, but not at 50, lame and pathetic)
After my weights, and abs, went out for a brief stretching, walking and running in the open; the sun was at its peak, but that’s what I needed, plus fresh cool air coming from the mountains which stood enormous and dark in the distance, with signs of rain coming soon.
Back in, so much to do, my mates done with cooking, but left the kitchen corner messy, had to clean up, not after screaming at whoever did it. Well, such is life, living with dirty men in an enclosure the size of matchbox.
A mate bought some chicken parts; probably from the lads working in the kitchen, went out and picked some spinach (I will be growing mine soon), made a curried-chicken with some spinach; apparently, I introduced certain things here like curry powder, Andrews liver salts and muesli, the lads never had contact with such things before. When I had them in, many opt for them and they like them as more and more are buying them now.
The sauce was nice, will be eating mine with lentils that came on the lunch cart. My mate will opt for rice, as he’s never tire of eating rice.
#Catcalls #Catcalls and whistling from the gym hall…. Something is going on there and it’s not fight as we don’t whistle during fights, it’s #Friday; new inmates are always brought in on #Tuesdays and Fridays, likely there are new lads or lasses as the case maybe; depending on their physical appearance. 😉
Went out of the cell to check; in prison, seeing is believing, but when you see inmates running helter-skelter, run and get your space before you ask why they are running. Out on the passages, empty like days we have search or visit day, which is next week Monday.
Asked some returning mate what’s going on, as I made my way up to our multi-purpose gym hall. Still sweating from the heat in my cell, yet to shower from my today’s intensive workout earlier today. Whoever our new guest or would-be resident of the infamous pavilion has really caused an uproar and upset the mood in the pavilion; the lads are actually smiling; maybe something good…who knows!
After asking few mates, was told, he ain’t no lad but a lass, fully loaded but with his 3rd leg still dangling between his two shaven legs.
Waited till our new fella was processed and a lad who once fought for our home-queen after a night of marathon drinking and snorting (screaming, esta es mi culo; this is my ass), had the door opened for our new #Shemale and ushered her into what and where will be her new home, world and where she can live a little bit of la vida loca; pretty young lad who decided to become a lass. Apparently, there’ll be girls war in the pavilion, her presence might upset the price of the nightly services provided by our home-queen, the price might change drastically as some good patrons of such services are murmuring on what is laid out before their feasting eyes; too much to savour.
Anyway, whatever surgeon who worked on him, made him well, full #DDCUPS, that will make #PamelaAnderson go green with envy, and an enormous slab of silicon on his backside, that will send #JLo and #KimKardashain back to their surgeons to pump more fats into their backsides. For the sake of showing some respect to our new princesa as she is fondly called and for what he has acquired; I will be referring to her as a #She, definitely more of a she than a He, exception of her 3rd leg which still make her one us, thus, she will take leak like us and not use the ladies like ladies do ;-).
It’s 00:03:48 on Sat 26 Oct 2013 ….. Raining, we need it, as the prison hasn’t been providing us with water. And freakin cold, sitting on my signal spot without signal, but my Android phones seems to be picking up bit of signal; messages, mails are coming through, my news widget are updating with today’s news; wow!
Since signal was cut off after the rainstorm, many have been having early nights, but today’s early night will be a sweet one for many as they will be wanking from all their eyes feasted on today; our new princesa. La Reina (our home-queen shemale) did finally came out to welcome la Princesa, hope she ain’t jealous, she will give her the low-down of life in the joint; telling her who to avoid and how to use what she is got to get what she want. She is in a good and motherly hands 😉
Later on Saturday, we will wake to fully feed our eyes on our new addition of tits and enormous ass! Bet ya, within days from now, someone will hook up with her properly. But, in the midst of the chaos, a lad took her in and offered his bed, wondering where he will sleep! And there are many men who had been here before our new shemale and they are all sleeping on the gym hall; this one lad didn’t offer any his bed…… That is the power of tits and enormous ass! Such that can drive a man insane… #SexTransmutation
Sat 26 Oct 2013!
Up with severe backache, the slab of concrete bed is softly killing my back. Did some stretches to warm up my joints before stepping down from my bunk bed. Breakfast was our usual bread bun and muddy water; they called chocolate drink, we had hard boiled eggs today, not bad. Made me fresh chocolate drink, since some of my mates don’t eat eggs, used some and made sandwich filler; curry, black pepper, and mayonnaise; was filling. Went back to sleep as it was too hot to venture out of the cell. Still no water all day.
Signal crisis hasn’t change a bit, still getting freakin hard; its got the lads switching from one sim card to another, checking on which will pick up enough signal to allow phone calls through. Upstairs, above the cells, where blinking lights from routers once filled out night skyline (sometimes they freakin look like stars), now, it’s all dark and empty, there’s no need putting up routers when there is no signal. Thus, they are all stashed waiting for the proper moment when signal is restored.
Our new co-tenants is apparently #Lockup inside, as her new bodyguard won’t let her out nor allow anyone to say hi to la princesa. The lad sure look possessive; soon, she will get to know the norms of our world, then will the hustling to survive unfold before her. She will decide what her fate will be!
I heard she is a chimney of a trans; pot-smoking-trans! She is in good hands as her host and bodyguard dines on joint. Hope she doesn’t smoke herself into oblivion 😉
She did make some rounds from her hold-up to pay a visit to la reina; I guess they had some ladees chat, probably ladees talk or gossip, maybe I’m wrong… Or they had trans talk… Bet, our home-queen will give her the low-down of life as a trans in the midst of sex-starved men who themselves are confused about the sexuality. After 4yrs in the joint, I have come to see many men who are yet to know if they are heterosexuals or bisexuals; many acts the latter after downing cups upon cups of our lethal moonshine or liquor, and others after snorting lines of maryjane! My cell mate and the new lad in my cell acted a scene from the one the many short porn clips on his phone after a night of binge-drinking. According to them; it was a one-night stand. The young lad seems to be happy as he kept telling his mates that the new lad is his bitch… He blew him! Good for him, that he now has a bitch.
The pavilion and centre look very tense; our president was punched by a trans from Pav2 when he went upstairs by the administration. Who knows what would have caused the altercation; yet to find out. Problems within our pavilion can be contained if knives and blood is not involved, but with the locals; that’s international warfare, where one’s safety is not and never guarantee. “You are on your own”
Case of the BlackBerry that went walkabout:
Back to our pavilion, two bloody fights this evening; first the cell beside my signal spot, where a new inmate (lad acts nervous and seemed lost) had his phone stolen by his compatriots; was about topping up his phone with a newly bought credit, when someone distracted him, within a wink of an eye, his blackberry smartphone went a walkabout. The two lads who were around him both denied taking the phone. The new lad pounced on the two lads he suspected; very serious brawl. They all went downstairs to continue with the fight, which didn’t yield the phone. The owner of the phone left to the gym hall where he sleeps, but doesn’t mean the fight is over. He should have known better that he’s in prison, where crooks and criminals of all sorts are banged up. Ain’t no monastery here where men are groomed to become saints.
While the case of the walkabout blackberry smartphone was going on, another storm was brewing around my part of the pavilion. This very one involved the movers in the pavilion; groups of old-timers and their young foot soldiers; matter-of-factly, this one fight will go on to be fought another day. Heart of the matter; #Money, and they say it’s the root of all evils, well, I think greed is the mother of all evils. A creditor seized his debtor’s fan, who had refused to pay him, but got dough to burn on dope and joints. The debtor didn’t like his fan taken by force, called up his young, hot-blood crew, and attacked the debtor; about 5 able-men pounding on one man, the creditor is naturally strong. He has the body of men who competes in strong men events, men who fights bear in the forest, well, he as to use that body to defend himself from this clan of inmates.
The creditor cellmate who once fought with him, but now pals came to his rescue; picking and throwing the lads one after the other from his mate, the creditor. Knives weren’t drawn, but it was bloody; blood from punches and kicking.
It was an unfair fight, one sided as five men pounced on one, such is prison fight, never a fair fight. There’s no rules of engagement governing how inmates should fight; it’s fight for survival and inflicting the most pain which will leave a mark and scar for life of your enemy. Whenever there’s a verbal brawl, inmates changed into their trainers/sneakers, then something more physical than talking and screaming is about to happen.
After the fight, the group who had withdrew to their corners, went upstairs to their different stashes; pulling out their crude weapon of warfare, they were bent to start round two. I stepped in and talked to their leader, apparently, trains with me. Everything seemed calm, but that’s ain’t the end, sooner or later one will be taken unaware. But then, one of our unwritten rules will always comes to their minds; once you’re at loggerheads with another inmate, always remain on guard, your life, survival and existence depend on how swift and alert you are and ready to respond to aggressions.
When I first heard the noisy brawl, I had thought; our new heavily chest-shemale is probably the cause, in the past, men has fought over asses or culos of their lovers. Thus, she can and will soon be the cause of punches been thrown after nights of binge drinking. For now, her muscled-bodyguard is keeping a 24/7 watch over his precious find……but for how long?
Saturday night was tense, no music, every talk was about the two fights. Signal is technically driving me nuts. Glad, I have books to read, will keep me busy, but not having access to the outside world is blinding, can fcuking kill one’s spirit.
Sun 27 Oct 2013
No water, no rainfall…. Another bout of drought season in the centre. Spent half of the day on my bed, freakin hot in the pavilion, went upstairs, the heat could grill a sirloin steak. Back to my bed, where I laid to relieve the soreness of my lower back, changing between lying down and sitting on the edge of the bed.
On our water issue, our cell has nothing, we are left with our reserves in gallons. Whenever we have water, the lads uses water without thinking of where we are. Hope it rains tonight.
There was a search in pavilion 8 today, the second pavilion housing foreign prisoners; they weren’t expecting it, they came down on them and ransacked the pavilion. The cops went away with a pistol and ammunitions, from vibes coming from there; three inmates were taken into custody, probably for the gun that was found. Who knows what will come next, there’s likely going to be a shaking among files and ranks. At the end of the day, we’re the ones to suffer for the cops blunders and greed. That gun didn’t just vanished from somewhere and appeared in where it was found, neither was it brought in by family members during visit as they are always striped-search. A cop and a corrupt one must have smuggled that in. #Period!
19:53:21 on Sun 27 Oct 2013
The evening has been relatively calm, what did I eat today? ; chocolate drink and bread for breakfast, passed the salami that came with it. For lunch, chicken-skin soup came, had a bit of that… And for dinner.. Slept off and my mates didn’t take anything for me; minced meat in fat-laden sauce came with half-cooked rice. Made me cold oat with peanuts, should eat the same before hitting my bed later in the evening, I’m freaking starving. Tomorrow is our fortnightly visit for those with families and friends around. There should be enough food, but if there’s no water, gonna be friggin messy. I might as well pass the assortment of food coming in tomorrow; last time I ate what one of my cellmates brought in, it sent me to the toilet for days, others who dined on his home-made food suffered the same fate of brutal diarrhoea. Thus, gotta be careful with what I will dine on after tomorrow’s visit.
Signal crisis is definitely sending me early to my cell, but not an early night as I end up reading or playing sudoku all night; friggin helps with the mood and stress of #Lockup, wads off one thing every inmate wants to do away with; memory of the past, but they kept coming back.
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~ William James
#Change: Whether good or bad can be stressful, and our natural reactions are often fear, anxiety or resistance. One of the big reasons we often think about change and then do nothing. Some people are so afraid of failure they don’t even try, as they are highly overwhelmed with the fear of failing.
An inmate’s ability to make it on the outside depends on whether he is returning to a stable family, whether he has mental health or substance abuse issues, and on his education and employment-related skills; all comes down to change, did this inmate had that needed change on the inside to help him/her function as expected on the outside once his/her time is done?
23:02:27 Sun 27 Oct 2013
Gotta hustle if my phone will pick some signal…. Before retiring to my cell.
“The very walls themselves are inscribed with a thousand voices, frayed bits of failing code from men long unravelled: Bible scriptures, racist credos, gang boasts, witless epitaphs…….words of savaged men who are gradually dying on the inside.
“You don’t have to be evil to commit a crime. You just have to be able to lie to yourself’.”
#Panama #Nederland #PrisonLife #Lockup #Gevangenis #Justitie #Crime #DrugWar #Drugs #BehindBars #DoingTimeAbroad #PrisonWar #GangWar #CrimeWatch