Fourth Birthday on the inside, where will the next be?
The healing process begins when one not only thinks about the past, but start thinking about the future and how one’s actions can influence that future.
01:13:36 THU, AUG 22, 2013
Like stories from the pages of a thriller novel, so is my life and journey in the belly of the beast. A journey that has seen me marked four birthdays behind bars. Each birthday brings bitter/sweet or mixed feelings of pain and joy; pains of regrettable past and knowing well that uncertainty lies ahead of me and joy of being alive to see this day and surviving the uncertainties that hangs before each incarcerated man.
Woke up knowing fully well where I am as I had barely slept since I came down from my sentry spot and signal reception post. An explosion upstairs kept me up longer; my red wine that I gave to my mate upstairs exploded as he didn’t take heed to my advice, “Always open the container every hour or two to let out the build-up gas in the container”. He always like doing thing his own way, forgotten that I’m the brewer and it’s my product. Well, the explosion caused us four litres of my best brew 😉
Every inmate who is concious of self, lives through two elements; pain and joy. For everyone of us here, survival is daily battle, in joyous moments memories that brings pains creeps in and mauled the moment. The Ups and downs of life is what makes a man stealth and toughened against what fate will haul at him.
The prison experience is one that takes away something that can’t be restored from a person. After reading an article on today’s newspaper “The Mail” (THU, AUG 22, 2013) about the British and Irish ladies facing trials in Peru over charges of trying to smuggled drugs out of the country, it comes to mind what they will face if convicted. Then another article by a British lady who spent five years in an Indian Prison, upon being released and till date could not get herself to function as she will want in the society. It seems #MailOnline has focused today’s edition on crime and prison sentence and in foreign lands.
Sometimes, one is left to wonder if it’s the authorities and society are the ones who failed her and others like the lady who did time in India; she was lured into crime like many….by greed, but not everyone, I know some here lads who loves committing crime for the sheer fun and kick gotten from it; the local #wankers.
Upon released, no help or assistance was offered to help get her back to a normal life. She lives and will always live with that pain and regret. Like many of us, the shadow of the past will constantly hung around her.
She is not alone, like many of us here, the stigma or criminal record as they called it will be slapped upon us like a sticker on a new product. It’ll be self-empowerment that can Spurr one out of the valley of self-destruct.
Rarely do we read of success stories of ex inmates, but with self-determination, there are few who will keep their eyes forward and refuses to look back and eventually come out of that cocoon of life tied to their past. But then, there must be facilities and instruments in place to help keep their focus on something better than the lust and relapse.
My fourth birthday on the inside; with each one comes a prayer of it being the last on the inside. The last and also make it out alive as not too many had been fortunate to mark their 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th birthdays on the inside, hauled in to begin a journey of uncertainties, but sooner do they know what fate has for them; as they struggled with their last breathe, their lives flashes before them, only then do they see and know what many of us don’t know; what is it to be dying and without your loved ones around. That reminds me of a recent research article I read online on the brain’s activity during one’s last moment before death; the researchers used lab animals, but they are convinced, that humans also shares the same fate with those animals (the human body works its best at such moment, the brain becomes very active).
Through my time here, seen men waiting for their release papers fell, gone and taken out in body bags, it could be through sickness or through fights as it happens more often.
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.“ – Aristotle
The lad who came back (apparently, he loves here) and was in an early morning fight on Monday with his partner in crime, over admission and acceptance. His older mate wouldn’t want to accept full responsibility. He got into fight with the old man and then got knife from his mates as many in here have weapons of all sorts stashed away waiting for when they will be needed for use. The lad threatened the old man and anybody who will come near him with the knife. Walked around the pavilion with the knife openly as if he owns the pavilion, that everyone should be aware and be warned. Little did he knew he was digging his grave and he just bought his express ticket to be kicked out of the pavilion.
After the incident, he was kicked out and sent to pavilion 8, where the #Lockup is more maximum than ours. He will roast in there.
15:14:54 on THU, AUG 22, 2013! My birthday….
Leave a man to drink freely without bounds, then will you see and know his true nature. The lads been drinking all morning for my day, while I sort out for the food; luckily we had grilled chicken in, should taste like chicken with the size of a pheasant, on the street worth less than $3, but in here we’re forking out friggin hot $12 for this tiny friggin bird. #Ave ……. #PrisonBiz #GetRichQuick
They drank up my made-in-prison Red wine (fermented Welch’s Red grape juice, and got a cool sour red wine). No money to buy beer or other proper drinks that just got in. Since the lads wants to drink, they hustled a litre of the prison potent distilled liquor. Others had a sip and left, but these two lads stayed all evening smashing and with music..
Things took a different turn when our headcount came up, party stopped as we went outside, then came the rain, heavy and cold, which will send many to my pharmacist-cellmate on Friday as many will pick up cold/flu from exposure to the sudden change of weather.
The headcount went amok as some inmates were sleeping, they had to repeat it three friggin times.
Back in and we had our sancocho soup; Colombians love that with their drinks or after getting pissed. By 8pm, turn off the music, but the lads continued with our new-musician inmate who does live show, with $5 one can get him belt out his best tunes. Had all on record, songs of missing love and of distress, of loneliness and of grieve. He sang songs that took the lads to time past in their lives and with the song came more drinks, as the cup moved from hand to hand, the lad sang along to old ballads.
By 9pm, told them, we have to call it a night as others will be getting ready to hit their sleep sack, but my mates wanted more as there was still more free booze. I took a cold shower from the rainwater we had earlier in the day and left for my signal spot, walking around, others were also celebrating and drinking, so strange how many people have their birthdays in August (makes me wonder if all Leos are Daredevils ;-), the other sets of birthday revellers did theirs all night, and apparently they had the proper stuffs; miller lite, aquadiente and whiskey. Good for them!
Up on my signal post, damn overcrowded with inmates with phones and routers hanging all over the skyline like satellites orbiting in space. With so much phones competing for signal from one network, one definitely need patience to wait, and that, I didn’t have tonight. My phone couldn’t compete with all the many routers and phones, I had to leave as I was getting cold, probably from the fresh rainwater I had used earlier on.
Had to retired for the night and back to my cell for an early night. Was expecting one of the two lads to vomit, but none…. Probably the soup helped them. Back to my bed, popped some pronol for pains and vitamin C, should help with the flu symptoms coming up as many in my cell had pick it the cold flu; #Hard2Escape
A fourth birthday on the inside; I love to mark my birthdays, but four on the inside should be enough. Lying on my bed, memories of past birthdays; those celebrated on the outside came flashing, they brought smiles and also sadness when I think of the now, where fate has brought me to.
One can’t have a present without a past, but when the past brought pains and grieves, then one must begin a healing process. They say, Certain healing began when one not only think about the past but also about the future. In thinking about the future, I’m driven to start working for what future I so desire right now in the presence. With that in mind, thank God for the day.
17:47:55 FRI, AUG 23, 2013!
Weekend; time for many to indulge and reload on whatever they need to keep them going.
Woke up early today; to use the loo as my bladder was about to explode. Got back to bed, but couldn’t sleep as the mind couldn’t sleep also. Laid back half-awake until others got up and began their day with the usual idle noisy arguments. Guess today’s was about the two lads who hijacked my party last night, they are our cellmates, but keeping them around free drinks is disastrous. Once they have got the lethal liquor into their system, it changes everything about them, last night, one of them was in his fight mode since the lad selling groceries in our cell didn’t like the noise. But after calling it a night, forced them to leave. One went crashing into his bed, the other climbed up to search for signal, but ended up sleeping on th spot.
Had my breakfast, and got ready for my workout, I have made up mind to workout no matter how I feel. Then came the catcalls, wasn’t one of warning of cops presence, but one that comes when there is a female or female-like presence in our midst. Sneaked out to see what startled the lads; there she was moving gracefully as she knew she has aroused the lads….. But she wasn’t just a she, but a lad who wants to become a lass. They call her Karina with a “K” and she seems to have loads of fans here. But she knows whom she belong to; the one who chats, pings and shares intimate photos and videos with through their new-found social media. Well, she did dressed to kill, on the outside she will be mistaken for a proper broad, not here, we all know she is a lad, who has got her ass pimped up with silicone, hope she had a good ass-job done as there could be leakage after much banging. She had her time and left while I was in the gym and that almost caused some lads dropping weights on their legs. #TheStrengthOfaWoman……. Ya right!
She came from Pavilion 2, where all the trans, and lads who claimed they are gays are housed; but all locals. And most are lads who had been locked up for a long time and decided they rather lead a female life, maybe it will help change their aggressive lifestyles as many are in for homicide. Hope their becoming lasses will help! Who knows?
Lately, we have been having and seeing too much presence of the locals in our pavilion, their pavilions are off-limits to us foreigners, venture in there, one will be devour. But they tend to have many business partners amongst us, and with corrupt cops, they are allowed in here and without search. Who knows what they have been smuggling in. Wouldn’t care about dope, joints, and booze, but weapons are their specialities.. Lately there have also been spike in verbal confrontations amongst the inmates here, and there’s always mention of plunging and scaling; many had devised other means to harm and scared, Hot water or hot oils. The locals uses these more often. They were once barred from cooking or owning any cooking appliances in their pavilion. But with time, seems the authorities had forgotten and they are back to cooking and frying, until somebody will be bathed in boiling water or oil, will the authorities remember what law were set there.
Had an intensive shoulders workout; touching all parts and also did some deadlift and hack squat and pull-ups. Then hit the hot sun to walk and run, with stretches to work my ached back from sleeping on concrete slab. Had enough to keep me through weekend as I rarely train on Saturdays, and Sunday is always a rest day. The gym is closed!
Back in, fortunate as water came gushing from our tap…. Had to washed my laundry which has been soaked for three days now. Friggin stinky…… Got enough water for the day’s use. Wouldn’t take us through Saturday. Hope there will be more for the weekend.
Trying to nap, but can’t…… Wondering mind!
Finally left for my signal spot, seems tonight is not the night as there is no sign of getting online. it’s 23:40:57 on FRI, AUG 23, 2013 …. Music was on but due to our new curfew, by 9pm all music were turned off. Being Friday and weekend, many kept on with their drinking and music but as low as possible. Despite our differences in nationalities, cultures, languages and in mentality, we strive to live in harmony as band of brothers… Well such we are, but band and bonded with one thing in common; #Crime.
00:04:33 ….. SAT, AUG 24, 2013!
Might as well hit my sleep sack and come up early to wait for signal in the morning.
01:26:25 ….. Decided to give it a try as others had drifted to their sleep-space, you can’t beat nature’s calls. Loooooool 🙂