Brutality and abuses in prison can be perpetrated by both guards and inmates; so many cases remained unreported as there is no voice from the inside.
So much and so little can cause strain in relationships among inmates; those strains will eventually lead to backlash involving physical confrontations…. Which could spiralled into fatal endings.
Most fatal endings could start with friendly encounters; drinking with mates, smoking and snorting with compañeros, cards and dice games or group sports like football or even sparing with our rags-filled boxing punching bag (like it happened today; a training session b/w two inmate became volatile and sparing became heated exchanges of punches that led to bleeding).
It could even be a slip of the tongue; utterances of wrong words at the wrong place (Prison is always a wrong place to be). Staring too long at someone is not even nice, as the stares makes an inmate uncomfortable. So much could lead to fracas and bloodied endings or in the worst-case: #Death!
Sometimes, but very rare among us, fighting over culo (ass) could get inmates drawing battle lines; did happened after a night of binged drinking, many were awoken when some lads were verbally battling over ownership of the only ladeee in the pavilion; our shemale. Well from words from the grapevine; she is more of a salvation army; free for any one who can meet her financial obligations. There’s been rumours of $40 for a session of BJ, wouldn’t want to confirm that, but I did witnessed one time encounter during my early days by the wailing wall (for optimum signal)…. Well, somethings are best kept the way they are (let sleeping dog lie), the giver and receiver knew I know, since it is his money and she rendering a well sought after service, no big deal. C’est la vive 🙂
But the night of the culo ended without bloodsheds; whoever own the culo is his flippin business as many knows the culo could go to the highest bidder. But among the locals, tampering with someone else’s love on the inside could be very fatal; as we have seen it before; the battle of the shemales, proper stabbing, heard the lad died. In his next life, he will learn to stay off someone else love; meant prison love. And many are HIV+…… that’s the worse-case scenario! Thus, many of us will remain as hermit and others will become asexual to satisfy their cravings than pay for a disease which you know many inmates are dying from and without medications to help prolonged their lives.
One thing I have learned from Napoleon Hill’s #SexTransmutation: being able to tamed one’s sexual urges and transmute it into something pragmatic has helped me discovered myself and new grounds for a fresh start-up!
“Sex transmutation is simple and easily explained. It means the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires. When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.
So strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it.
[sic]—- (during the Christmas of 2011, such incident did happened as some lads couldn’t hold it any longer; there were orgies in different cells, handjobs were given and taken at dark corners of the passages… Was actually a wild wild night experience) 😉
…When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.
The transmutation of sex energy calls for the exercise of will-power, to be sure, but the reward is worth the effort. The desire for sexual expression is inborn and natural. The desire cannot, and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the body, mind, and spirit of man. If not given this form of outlet, through transmutation, it will seek outlets through purely physical channels.” – Napoleon Hill on #SexTransmutation (Think and Grow Rich)
The above excerpts; culled from the downloaded eBook version; thank God for smartphones and torrents. Being able to channel such energy into something positive is very rewarding. Many of my fellow cons are yet to realised what is hidden inside if they could only redirect such a powerful force into something else. The few whom I know that are busy with creativity, reading are those old fellas whose testosterone level are probably down to null, but the active ones are busy with their stash of porn clips and seeking for flesh from the outside; some will go as far fingering their ladies during visit.
Within us, most issues between inmates that leads to fracas has always been failures to honour debts given in good faith (looooooool)…. Trust no one in Jail!, and sometimes phone calls from outside can set chains of actions and reactions.
But one and the holy grail of men problem; #Women! And for a man in prison, who has a woman on the outside that could send him nude pictures and videos…… His life is pretty much okay, until she stops, then everything goes downhill. For such, most inmates guard that part of their life dearly, tampering with another’s source of comfort could bring a long-term enmity and in most cases leads to physical and violent confrontations. If they only know how to use passwords to protect their phones contents, most problems will be avoided. Apparently, I have the passwords to most of the lads in my cell, since their lousy head couldn’t store anything. I helped set up emails account, and they want everything available online, they want to be on the social network bandwagon; but forgetting that passwords are the keys to get in and out. Most tends to forget their passwords and always back to me… Thus doing time and also being a password keeper, it actually helps my cognitive skills 🙂
One of my cell mates was knockout from a drinking spree he had with his mates after they brought proper liquor from the streets on Sunday evening. An older pal of his used the opened window and nicked his girl’s number and communicated with her; sent her pictures and requested same. But the lass acting faithful to my mate; despite having two kids for two different inmates and living with a man and siphoning all my mate’s $$, the young lad made from distilling our potent-lethal liquor and sales, faithfully told my mate. Now, my mate is giving his long-term the cold shoulder, the mate can’t come into our cell as he knew what he did was wrong. He was very free with us before the incident, eat and drank with us, but now, his movement will be well calculated as these lads could kill for a woman, even when the woman in the centre ain’t their legal spouse. What a waste of space these lads are!
Most morning in my cell, is when they always have heated discussions of whatever they find interesting to argue about; and most high-toned talks are about; someone killing another because he slept with another’s wife, or nicking another’s drugs, even uttering the wrong words at the wrong time; the list goes on and on….. Sometimes, I think of what would make me kill another man, maybe there is something that I’m yet to find out; but not for a woman who willingly opened her legs to be screwed….. Naaaaaaaai!, these lads sees life differently and as nothing (Nada); barely see beyond today! #CarpeDiem!
From my almost-four-years in the joint; I have found one thing common with many of the lads here; they were born into a world of violence, they grew in it, breathed violence and lived that life. Thus, taking that from them won’t be an easy task, will require a total transformation.
Sunday, 16th of June was father’s day; many of the locals were privileged as they were given a 23hours permit to visit their families, something we foreigners don’t get and along with many benefits for time-reduction, given to the locals but none for us.
Like in the past; in Renacer, a lad was released with a permit for 23hrs, lad didn’t make it back and gone to the land of no return; Shot dead by rival gangs.
Same incident happened on Sunday evening in Panama city, a lad who went out on permit for the father’s day celebration on Sunday, driven with his mates in SUV and on their way to a hotel for a quickie with girls they had arranged for their father’s day celebration; probably to plant a seed on the lass (fatherhood from prison). But thing went sour as someone whom the lad was on his/their black books heard of the party. Bullets rained on their car, killing three and one later died in the hospital from the gun wounds. Such is the life lived by most here. It could have been a call from the inside or someone the lad has robbed; drugs or money and they came for payback and took all four.
Panama; they say is a gateway country. But I believe she is a crossroad of cultures and beyond the façade of the high rise buildings, her numerous private banks, the famous Panama canal, the plantain/Banana plantations (the banana war of 2004/2005) b/w The US and Europe. There are untold stories to be told, to be heard about this tourist haven.
“It is said that no one truly knows a nation until one has been inside its jails. A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but its lowest ones.” ~ Nelson Mandela
“The greater ignorance towards a country is not ignoring what its politicians have to say, it is ignoring what the inmates in its prisons have to say.” ~ Criss Jami
The above two quotes say a lot about the country Panama; like The UK, The Netherlands taking after The US by opting for Mega prisons and privatisation of prisons. Little Panama is following suit. Many inmates are waiting to see how corruption will soar when that time comes. A penal city is under construction and will be ready to house both female and male prisoners. Hope I’m gone before it happens; wondering if they have the resources and manpower to run such a facility. Mexico had “El Pueblito” which became a little village in a city; everything were ran by gangs of inmates; that prison actually featured in Mel Gibson’s film; Get the Gringo! I know some Mexicans here who had done time in that prison. Some liked it there as the rich and powerful could live at home on the inside; his wife and kids, buys himself a cell, life goes on and still control his business from the inside. Cool 🙂
But those at the bottom of the ladder had it tough there; just as it is here. One must be dying before he is attended to. A Panamanian lady had to go on television and radio to complain how sick his son was and dying; needed an urgent operation. He was finally taken out and had his operation, according to my friend who was in the hospital with the lad; the Doctor said, if he wasn’t operated then, it would have been another one gone. And the lad was shackled and sent back to the population hours after the operation; doubt if there will be any after-care. Seen inmates removing stitches after an operation as nobody came for them, some got infected with abscess coming out from where they were operated. But then, what can they do…. Nada! They are the scumbags of societies and one less is one less problem!
Escaping the negatives on the inside is a game an inmate has to play with his life at stack. A line must be drawn from one’s first day in the joint, carved out a niche for oneself, create an activity you will love to do and finds motivation in doing it. From numerous research by American scientists; they found out that exercises helps inmates with stress and depression management. And keeping to a workout routine also prepares them for a live on the outside upon released as ex-cons who had a well-kept time routine for their workouts will also apply same zeal to normal working hours on the outside. Then comes the other good benefits of exercises; one’s health remains optimum and fit and one is less dependent on the non-available medications in the centre.
It’s 01:17:59! Gotta sleep…. Need my 6-8hrs of sleep. Changing my sleeping routine is pretty hard, but gotta do it for my health. Had an early and good workout yesterday; intensive #Chest and light shoulders. Helps with the mood swings of life on the inside.
I had intended this to go up on my twitter, but my heart kept pouring out all its contents, should rather get it up on my blog…. Hummmmmmmm! No title after writing these lot.
It’s 02:10:57 on TUE 18 JUN 2013! Stayed beyond my time…. Not nice…. Some lads are drinking and with loud music; we had our curfew in place; no music after the whistle has gone off. Wondering if they are still celebrating father’s day. How happy some lads could be when locked up. Find it depressing! But like they say; one man’s meat is another’s poison. What makes and keep them functional is different from mine. Asi es la vida en carcel!!!
One thing that is influencing my writing; the writings of Oscar Wilde…. And I love this quote. Might not be appropriate where I am or what I did… But it sends a message. ….
“The things people say of a man do not alter a man. He is what he is. Public opinion is of no value whatsoever. Even if people employ actual violence, they are not to be violent in turn. That would be to fall to the same low level. After all, even in prison, a man can be quite free. His soul can be free. His personality can be untroubled. He can be at peace. And, above all things, they are not to interfere with other people or judge them in any way. Personality is a very mysterious thing. A man cannot always be estimated by what he does. He may keep the law, and yet be worthless. He may break the law, and yet be fine. He may be bad, without ever doing anything bad. He may commit a sin against society, and yet realise through that sin his true perfection.” ~ Oscar Wilde (The Soul of Man under Socialism)
#being-heard, #crime, #equality, #freedom, #Prison, gevangenis, #incarceration, #inmates, #jail, #law, #leaders #Politics #Panama #Society #America #US #Drugs #Guns #Latino