LIFE: When Survival Depends On Others.

“We are the most alive and the closest to the meaning of our existence when we are most vulnerable, when experience has humbled us and has cured the arrogance which, like a form of deafness, prevents us from hearing the lessons that the world teaches” – Dean Koonte in “Seize The Night”

As Prisoners, in cramped and congested cell built for six inmates at a time, most are cramped with sixteen inmates and more, glad mine is nine as one is gone for good; the bad blood among us. And since he left, life is bit smooth as we’re now getting to know ourselves after living together for more than a year. Blimey!!!

But life is not all that a sweet symphony, but a bitter one, filled with ironies! Even the authorities who got us all thrown in here knows that in such a condition as these; Our lives and survival depends on each other. Thus, the next man standing or sitting can as well determine your total existence and also one’s dramatic exit and extinction. It is a don’t-have-any choice situation; certain fate can be chosen, but not one like this; when you become the government’s property and one of a government whose major preoccupation is to see the numbers of people incarcerated rises on daily basis as they make money from aids (From the West) by the numbers of inmates behindbars.

Such a fate as ours, is thrown at you and you are forced to accept it, love it or loathes it, that fate is yours till the day you walk out alive or taken out in a body bag; still and lifeless .

A mate once told me, how he had a big uncle who was banged up in the slammer back in his country, he became a big bully due to his size; but was done by this little fella he always bullied; when was he done? Easy; while he was in cloud Nine, deep dead asleep! Such is the most dreadful thing that can happen inside the slammer. That’s why most and everyone changes cells when they are at loggerheads with their cellmates. And one sleeps but never asleep; doubts if any attends the REM/Deep sleep Phase as part of your must constantly alert to the environs (Just read that the sense of hearing doesn’t sleep, when every other sleeps, pretty good to know)!

Thus, as inmates sharing a cell with many individuals with different individualistic behaviours, one’s life is in the hand of his God or whatever he believes in. And definitely in the hands and minds of one’s cell mates. Pretty rewarding to be at peace with all men. Make peace with all men; one of the 8 Beatitudes; Blessed are the peacemakers

I have heard tale of how a cell mate was bought over with money and promises of protection; if only he will spike the drink of his cell mate. And he did it to save his own head. Thus, is our lives in here.

It’s 00:27:53 on Thu, Mar 22, 2012, sitting outside by the wailing wall; hope I get answers in the form of a good signal as the signal in my cell can’t help me tonight with what I have to do.

Sitting outside with me, are a team of all night gamers; beat the time by playing board games. And my ever-curious pal who is so surprise at what smartphones can do. He just discovered the google voice search, can’t hide the grinning on his face. He’s so happy to have discover and know that, you can just say a word and your phone will respond and do the search without you getting to type a letter. Over heard him calling my name for a search on me,lol! guess he won’t sleep tonight as he has discovered his own piece of Ireland (from the advert discover your piece of Ireland)lol! Well, I discovered mine after I down a pint of proper Guinness Stout; not when I’m using the virtual assistant on my phone.
And he seems to forget that in here, we try to keep the phones quiet as much as one can. He should be happy that there ain’t police presence in our midst as it used to be in time past.
Even the once that make their way in here, will even ask to use our phones to place calls to their mistresses or spouses if they have any.

Feeling much better, glad I had some medication to relieved the symptoms of flu, pathetic when you don’t have and can’t afford to buy one; then, have to wait for the flu to finish its work on your body. Now, my Canadian pal picked up the flu, made him a cuppa tea; though he doesn’t deserve it, but can’t deny a sick man a cup of tea. Will get him paracetamol in the morning.

Two days after our monthly visit by our consul, it was a needed one as we all waited eagerly for her; like our lives depended on her visit. Literally, our lives and fates depends partly on her as she comes with up-to-date information regarding the state of affairs of our cases. Lately, the report hasn’t been a good one, but as prisoners; we are full of hopes and dreams. Everything else can be taken from us, but not our dreams and hopes (they are so dear to us); do hear my cellmates talk of what they will do and cars they will buy when they get out. Flippin dullards.

We were waiting for our extra-groceries, which we are allowed to do once every three months; though it ain’t much, but it’s better than nothing, like they say “Half bread is better than None”. Many inmates here will kill to have a visit from their embassies or consulates, not many are fortunate to have people think of them, when they are the scumbag of the society.

Personally, I was striped bared as I wasn’t having anything; had to use my toiletries knowing what time it was (Hard times), glad she came when we needed her most. (actually, I’m listening to Katie Melua and what came up now is; Just when I needed you Most); what a flippin coincidence, beautiful song. Guess that’s me, I left my family when they needed me most and my spouse with couple of weeks into her what became my little dotting Angel. Glad for the strength and the bond that has kept us through this far; ain’t love, but friendship. We have grown to become best friends; distance and time has made us see why we love each other so bad and why we need to stick it through the second part of the “I do”; “Through Thin” and this is that Lean and thinnest moment of my life and she had resolved and made up her mind to stand by me through it all. What more can one man ask for; Love and you have it.

The news regarding our repatriation isn’t one that put smiles on our lips, but grimace. The new generation of politicians back home are giving in to pressure from Brussels and Uncle Sam; the once most liberal nation in the world is becoming conservative in about everything. At the end of the day, every single law signed into bill in the house comes back to the lowest caste in the ladder of the society; Prisoners. With no other choices or humanitarian consideration, we’re about to be abandoned and forgotten. Left for fate and destiny to deal with us. I hope it won’t get to that.

I hope, in all the political wrangling, a second thought will be taken to get us home and closer to our loved ones. Kinda drives one nutters when you see your fellow inmates walk out for visit and sometimes get to see them cuddle their loved ones fortnightly and there’s even special days for kids and the whole family. It boils deep into one’s heart, you dream and hope for that day, you can do same.

It’s 01:47:08, all dark and I’m alone out here, thinking, gotta go in, if not; there might be rumours that I was up all night kerb crawling,lol!
The Truth doesn’t make any good story behindbars, but lies and rumours make a very good news and if we are to print papers; flippin rumours will sell faster.

And for other more vicious and deadly reasons, I have to leave for me cell; we have killed Gigantic Spiders and Scorpions in this pavilion. Thus, wouldn’t want to be the first to be bitten or stung by one of them poisonous creepy fellas; No Clinic and No Medication.

Mr. Discover Ireland is gone, guess he won’t sleep tonight as he will be busy dictating to his smartphone. He is like a child opening his new toy for the first time; fascinated by what he sees and can’t stop experimenting until he figures out how it works. Glad he has something to keep him busy; flippin loves phones, but to watch youtube videos and listen to music. Good for him.

The only fella walking around is the lil Ladee who is busy jumping from cell to cell until the wee hours or dawn, doing what he loves and knows how to do best (You-know-what); will call him our “Night Nurse”, Like President Mugabe called the female British Diplomat; whom he accused of running around his opposition camps.

Whatever the lad does is taking care of him; eat good, get his fags and fcuks, since being here, have seen the lad changed mates more than Lady Gaga changes costumes in her videos. He does the 3-way Love affair (Elton John’s song), Secret Lovers, Night Nurse, and even Pay As You Go (PAYG), and also Favours (guess that’s for goodwill to help save mankind from the draught of inactivity of the Mojo). Asi es La vida Loca. Good for him, as it helps him with his time. Everybody does something to help with their time. Better than others who spends all day living others lives; gossiping and wanting ills to befall others. Wankers!

My released cell mate who was locked up for more than four years on “suspicion” was all into gossiping and eavesdropping on other’s businesses and then tell to whoever will listen to him. Glad he’s gone, hope he doesn’t come back again.

Survival is doing whatever you deem fit and able to indulge in to help with one’s time. Wanna loose weight and you don’t like exercises, then indulge in the hard stuff; Moonshine, not the wine dingy, but proper distilled sh*t. Sooner than you think, you’ll be like Victoria Beckham and her size zero crews.

One of our numerous distillers, who indulges in daily fiesta with his brew can be seen with watery eyes and the drink is taking a toll on his health as he’s shrinking by each day; drinks and poor nutrition. He looks like a ghost of his past, hope the bottle doesn’t take him down. The crack and dope heads are also getting their shots and beaten when they can’t come up with money. I have seen grown-ass men take beatings like kids for money owed.

On Tuesday, when we went upstairs for our visit, met one of the would-be escapees. He was in comfort, but now, he will be Paying to get transferred from the Panamanians pavilion to the maximum security pavilion for foreigners. He told us of daily fights, loud music both secular and religious (none giving in as both wants to heard, even outside their pavilion), of how inmates walks around with knives in their pants. And how edgy life is among the locals.

I wouldn’t know if he regretted doing what he did as he tries putting up a smiling and brave face; (in Jail, one need a mask to hide one’s true emotion; happiness could raise eyebrows and envy, while sorrowful and bitter emotions might tell or be misinterpreted as a form of weakness and at the same time, someone will want to glory in another’s sorrow or downfall)

Recently, there’s has been rumours among the inmates that me and my fellow compatriots ain’t getting repatriated; to many, it’s a cause to rejoice. I wouldn’t know or see any reason to rejoice in another man’s ills, well, not in a prison where everyone is trying to snoop into each other’s affair. They do this out of boredom; nothing to do with their miserable lives. I have come to understand the way life is lived among people of these sorts; Don’t give them anything to talk about, and if/when they start, I fired back to belittled them and silence them, once and for all.

Many amongst will speak or act out of inferiority complex, men chivalry, macho and to be considered a man when they are actually wimps and Sissies;)

One need an Ocean-like of patience to live among most of the inmates here. Glad I’ve learned to surround myself with shields to take and rebound all thrown at me.

This blog is coming up a bit late; damn lazy and sometimes just lost it. But the words must go out.

They say; “The Pen is mightier than the sword”, but in this era; it will be said that “Never underestimate the power of social media”

We have seen from the “Arab Spring Revolutions” how social media helped toppled Dictators with a shot being fired by the Masses!!!

Thus, I’ll write and share my daily experiences and life behind bars; it might be a guide to someone from falling into this bottomless pit; no matter how many are brought in, there’s always a room for one more.

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One Response to “LIFE: When Survival Depends On Others.”

  1. sup bro..
    like you said … there is always room for one more…
    i am sure soon you will receive the new that you are free to leave that place..

    i think jails should be a place for re-insert people to society.. but la joya is everything else rather than that.

    ive been following your blog from 4 or 6 months now… and keep the hope and faith..
    soon or later good news come alone..

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