Life Behind Bars; Tales Of The Unexpected.

Tuesday, 13th March; The signal is frustrating, seated at the wailing wall; yet nothing is happening. Need answers to signal’s prayer, for a while, the wall was the only place one can get a good reception. Hope the wall has not been polluted by the immorality of the dark-side that lurks around at night in form of inmates shoving and piping;-)

The pain of life behind bars is lifted and gone once a cop or warden walks to the door with a notice of release; all one hears is “Your name + Libertad”, at that moment you know part of your ordeals is over, ain’t over till you have been duly signed out, a process which office bureaucracy can send you back to the cell for days or weeks; for released documents to be signed, you could be asked to pay and if you don’t, then get ready to spend extra days.

When they want to throw one’s ass into their cells, it doesn’t matter what day of the week; but once your time is done, you get all sorts of bullocks excuses; holidays, weekend, the one to sign your papers is sick; flippin should die off. Such is our life and fate in the hands of men and women who should be on the other side of the bars as well to know how not to play games with one’s life.

Monday 12th March, 3 Colombians left of repatriation, no matter what their fate or what awaits them back home, they are more than happy to leave here. As the agreement with Colombia is; they have to do half of their sentences here before being repatriated. Many ends up doing 6 or more months due to office bureaucracy. Its beggars belief how they toy with human’s life.

Today, the 13th saw the released of an African, whom would’ve done his full time as his country had no repatriation treaty with Panama; the fact that he lives here gave him an edge as he knew what to do to get things moving. I’m so happy for him, at a point, I thought more about him than my predicament.

Once released, many do come around again, maybe the love of this place brings them back again, of they just couldn’t fit into the-supposed normal world.

Through my bitter experience here, I will surmised that;

It’s impossible to make the same “mistake” twice. The second time, it’s called a decision.

So whoever decides to come back here probably made that decision himself and without any assistance!

Everyday comes with its problem and sometimes mucho of it! But glad for strength to go through each day.

Behind bars; one lives each day at a time, every second, minute, hour all counts and once you make it through the day; grateful for that day.

We’re like timed-bomb waiting to explode, so any external stimuli can set one off and it’s a big Kaaaaaabooooooooosh with mushroom room clouds.;-)

So far, so good, the lads are jolly-good fellas, cheap fags (since fags became legal), moonshine to keep us going, weed and dope; the live-wire of every prison. And the king of all; our Smarter than most inmates “Smartphones”; communication is a very vital part of our lives as it helps many of us from distant lands. The phones are the only source of information, news and update of what is happening on the outside; that’s for those of us who are bothered to check daily news and know what to do with ’em too “Smartphones”. My cellmates whose got some, sometimes get so frustrated as they can’t figure out how to get ’em working; when I say working, I literally meant; download Porn, look for women online, those are the two major uses of our Smartphones. Isn’t it nice?

My cellmates only watches the panamanian national news to know how many have “fallen”, not to know what is happening in the parliament, not even in their home country. They check for faces of the fallen and how many keys or Tons were seized and the type of Lancha (speedboat) used; how powerful and the horsepower. All these will be the talk of the day and days to come, until another breaking news (thanks to panama who pride themselves in airing every caught traffickers, they so love it; breaking news for that).

They will also be waiting for the freshers to come. If they know any faces, calls are made to make sure they are brought to our pavilion. I’m left to wonder where they will fit in as we are full; soon we will be walking among each others.

I’m beginning to feel the encroachment in my cell as more and more troops in every morning to indulge in idle talks about whose missus is banging who and nothing of important or interest. There could be an hour long argument on the best whisky they had drunk and how many women they had laid. Ain’t bad if it helps with doing their time.

Sometimes it’s so tensed that the last resort is taken; in each cell, the oldest in the cell always claims the cell and everything in it as his. They set the rules and the freshers gotta abide with those rules; they seems to forget that we are all government properties and flippin don’t own nothing. An incident occurred that resulted in an old-timer pulling his machete from the sheath or stash. Glad others came in and stopped him before blood was drawn.

In a normal situation, the new inmate will never sleep with his eyes wide-shut and will never enter into the full phase of sleep; he will forever sleep with one eye open. His only solution is to change cells with someone. But where will he go as the cells are all filled up.

In my cell; most will want me thrown out, not because I fight, but to make it “their cell” just them. For now, ain’t gonna happened. But always watching my back, my food and my water; kinda difficult.

The chief-gossip, who lives each day in bitterness and always mimicking every words of mine does all these out of frustration; locked up for almost 5yrs, just went to trial and no decision. And what is his case? Flippin “Suspicion”; no evidence was found on him. Well, I think his wicked heart is keeping him here as many are gone. The fact that he sees inmates who came years after

Three were released after 3yrs for same “Suspicion”; that’s how lousy the judiciary system in Panama is; “Money talks, Bullshit walks or Prison door opens”; need I say more? Without money and the right connection, one could be buried here and forgotten. They don’t need evidence to lock one up, their guns does all. From the large numbers of inmates locked up as suspects; seems being a suspect in panama means your are charged as a criminal! Good law!

Well, all said and done, our lives goes on and we are glad for today. Seeing these ones walked out into their freedom, one day we may also walk that line; The line of freedom.

Tonight; Fri, Mar 16, 2012 and it’s 00:22:26; seated at the wailing wall, which now my office; but at night and to the wee hours. Some nights, had to do vigil till 2am; could get scary when I thought of what a mate once said “Many are gone from here and never completed their journey, since they took their last breathe here, their spirits are. Still trapped here and will be wondering around”; fcuk, that brings out goose bumps on my skin. And my cats walking around without any sound until their fur rubs against my skin; flippin scary.

I’m use to the night as it’s quiet and I can concentrate, no one coming around for some lousy arguments over which is the most populous continent or who is the richest man; what the heck has that got to do with my time behind bars! Flippin got no idea.

Waiting to see anyone of them come to discuss he nice book he has just read; guess they are scared of sitting at a place for a moment. The few who bothers to read apart from my fellow bloggers are the Elderly inmates who knows how to keep their brain active.

Earlier today, my cellmate and the chief-gossip was called upstairs; apparently for his freedom. He has been locked up for 5yrs for ONLY “Suspicion”; No charge, nothing on him. Pathetic how they took 5yrs off his life, not only 5yrs taken; his wife and kids are gone to another. He never had visit from them despite living in Panama.

Like we always say “it’s better to be caught red-handed committing the crime and with evidence, than to be denounced at the police”

Panama judiciary process need an overhauling; but that’s million light years away from now.

My mate didn’t make it out; as I earlier said, office bureaucracy could get muddled up with once freedom and one will end up spending days, weeks and months after his date of release.

Now, everything that goes wrong is blamed on the Indians; the Native Indians have been demonstrating for whatever reasons they deemed suitable to them; sealing off all major roads. Our food don’t come in on time, inmates can’t be taken to hospital, no medication at the clinic, no police vehicle to transport freed inmates. All these and many more shortcomings are blamed on the Indians. Hope the Indians know, there are panamanians inmates who will kill for food. So they better open up the roads and allow our food in. What a joke!

My mate may eventually have to pay before he’s taken out of the centre; he’s been here 5yrs, he should know better. One can’t walk upstairs empty-handed. Apparently, he made some quick bucks after selling stuffs that was given to him by freed inmates who left months and years ago. Usually, one doesn’t sell what was given to you, you passed it on, but being a greedy and stingy fella, he sold them things.

Wish him well in his new life, hope he won’t make the mistake his friend did by coming back here. Will be a laughing stock; as he’s so full of pride. Rarely hear him talk or wish well on others. No hard feelings against him; but if have to punch him for all the idle words I have heard from his mouth, wouldn’t hesitate!;-)

His bed is gone as one of the lads on the floor has moved up to his bed. Guess he will pass the night in the hammock on the top of the cell.

Now, I’m the second oldest in the cell, waoooooooh, how time flies. As inmates, Our days are numbered for good or bad; we pray that it’s for good.

I’m alone at the corner or junction by the wailing wall; where my mate told me to avoid, wondering how many episodes of “The haunted or paranormal activities” he’s been watching.;-)

Hope I get this online and hit my cell. Feeling very drained and weak, despite my workout, guess poor nutrition. No dough, No food! And the prison food is now coming in a ration that is not enough for a half-man; due to the increase in the number of inmates. Some days, it’s barely enough for us, the unfortunate ones have to do with empty stomach or hustle for something to feed the worms.

Won’t be complete without our other-side; many are actually coming out of the closet, wonder why it took them so long to do that. Just found out one of the fancy-lad is having a three-way-love-affair! Sir. Elton John was right, but when punches are thrown.
Hummmmm!, someone will be in hot waters. Hope caution and protection are all in place when the blow and shove. My pal, whose compatriots are bent on killing him if they have their way for being gay is looking robust and have been changing partners like he changes his strings. Hope he takes precaution and keep tab of the number of all his sex-buddies. Jokingly, did asked him, if he’s expecting as he belly is getting bigger with each day; guess he doesn’t throw, he probably swallows; yuuks!!

I feel, there is prostitution ring going on here; loads of movement at unholy hours; whispering and tale tales talk among those in the know. Whatever is going on, hope it stays and kept air-tight.

Weekend around the corner; waiting for our monthly consul-visit, many of us are dried up. Hope she come soon.

Life behind bars is a waiting game; each day is lived with hopes and expectations, of which some with be dashed and shattered into a million pieces and that’s one man’s dream gone forever.


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