This was meant to go on my twitter time-line, but gotten enough words to get on my blog. Why not wash our dirty laundries so others will know how our bitter-sweet lives are lived in misery and in harmony. It’s a psychological dynamics how there could be togetherness in diversity. Hope the outsiders will see the world of foreigners locked up in a foreign country and how cultures clashes on the crossroads of our lives.
The young lads (when I say young, they ain’t teenagers, but grown-ass men, but with smallish body and stunt-cognitive development); Imagine men in their late 20’s who giggles and smile when watching cartoons, not the likes of “The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad or South Park” but the likes of Dora, pokemon and those Japanese dragon kiddies cartoons. These lads could sit all morning and watch, enjoy these stuffs.
Once you’ve seen that, then you know how developed their thinking factor are, lack cognitive skills of any sort. These are the ones laughing at my sick mate; they are from the part of the world where no one cares about the next man; not even their Government cares about their welfare. The lad is sick and the best that can be given to him is silence as noises also affects him.
He comes to me, because he wants someone who understands him and I’m beginning to get into his world; a world of illusions. Many so-called normal ones among us are like him, they are on the threshold of theirs. Sooner or later the authorities will be dealing with everyday incident of mental and nervous breakdowns among inmates. His, is so pronounced and has passed his threshold, though I can’t tell what level of mental deterioration he has now. When he was talking; he pride himself as having done time back home. He, like many others from these part of the world sees incarceration as something one could be proud of; having done time is like adding a medal to one’s life of crime, an achievement!
He felt that way, but the toll of all those years of isolation and not doing anything positive to keep his brain working and productive is now telling on him and others like him here.
Walk along the passage, one is likely going to bump into someone standing in the passage lost in his thought or gone in his walkabout Greek; same in my cell, the little passage has to be open all time, but my mates will be standing and lost in their LaLa world; losing all consciousness of their surrounding. I have never had any reasonable conversation with many here; except the few whom I relate with, my fellow bloggers and others who are ready to learn and improve on the lives.
These ones who see us differently feels threatened by our lifestyles; why so many books, why do you have to workout everyday, why this, why that! And damn difficult to explain things to them as they all grew up in a backyard culture and tradition which sees modern life differently and can’t flippin understand; someone who can’t figure out sizes of their eating bowls and stack them probably, can reasonably do anything. And that’s why, the whole bunch are always heading on one direction and it all leads to the Slammer.
The situation with my compatriot is not good at all; he has hit the crossroad or the intersection! Doubt if he will be redeemed, but I have faith, that it can be controlled.
The vegetables he got this morning; I’m taking it on my bill, he was seen eating the vegetables with Cockroaches at the corner where my cats sleeps. An inmates from our former colony who speaks same language with us and who has been of help; met him in his bed eating tiny roaches. Well, we’ve heard of the Chinese eating anything that crawls, walk and run. Bet ya, even the Mings will be flippin scare of roaches. If they were good; I should be feasting on the millions arnd my bunk. Seen so many scary blonde (albino) roaches, looks beautiful but also scary!
I made pancakes and asked him to get his dish/plate, first came with what he had his roaches with the vegetables, told him to get another. He came back with a bigger bowl but one that made me have a million thoughts about his condition; he probably picked the bowl from the bin and for several days now, he hasn’t had his bathe; stinks and repulsive. People are telling me to tell him to go have his bathe; how can I do that?
Despite being from the same country, he’s from the islands and got many of his people here; who used to smoke and wined with him. So pathetic, now that he needs them most, they ain’t to be seen. Such is life; when the going is good and rosy, mucho amigos to help squander, but when tough times comes, where be them jolly good friends who were part of one’s gay days?
If he recovers, doubt if he will remember any of these! Such an experience is not worth remembering. But now, I’m made to wonder, if the authorities back home knew of this lad condition: why was he released? He could have been locked up indefinitely or even when released, refused to be issued travelling documents so he wouldn’t be able to leave the country. Well, some of the bureaucracy in The West; they won’t want to spend and keep him. But then, he becomes a danger to the general public and his family, as he needs constant care and attention.
He came to the wrong country; Panama. They don’t have anything to help him. I met one in renacer who swims on bare concrete floor and walks around with blocks of stones tied to his head; he snapped after he newly married wife back home in Guatemala called and gave him the dreadful news: No More! That sent the lad off and he never came back from his walkabout!
My compatriot is having it, talking to himself and talking on the phone to no one in particular; checked his phone, no calls were placed, but the phone is constantly on his ear and sparing in the gym alone (shadow boxing); just found out from his cell mate that none slept in his cell as he was busy working out and running on the top of the cell. He’s uncle is apparently having his nap as he has to keep vigil on him all night.
Guess, because of him, not too many want to sit outside at night; fear of being jumped on. There is a Mexican who thought he was crazy, especially when having his cold-turkey; he will banged his head on the wall and is sometimes seen wailing and crying. He will do anything to get his dopes. There are more like him on their thresholds, sooner or later when the unheard music plays; we will see them dance.
His uncle just got in, told me how he stayed up night to keep watch over him, he’s weary and worn out; hope our government back won’t take kudos in the demise of a uncle and his nephew in panama jail. He said, the lad threatened his with a metal which he has in his pants. Many wants him taken away. His uncle is scared that he may hurt himself or someone; heard he tried hanging himself. He’s probably getting to the end of his journey.
Since, there is no much to laugh at, the lads want him to be their clown; over heard someone calling him “Payaso”; A Clown! Everything he does has become an something to entertain their miserable lives; forgetting that, someone’s dad is on the road to Oblivion! His kids, his generous and numerous women will dearly missed him. Hope he gets help and as soon as possible.
Life goes on in the centre as the other man’s business is not your business. One of the hardknock drunkard; he brews and consumes his products more than what he sells. Got bashed on his faced by his drinking mate; his left eye is closed for repairs. That doesn’t stop him from drinking, he offered my some when I saw him, hell NO! He walks around with a bottle of Moonshine all day; sipping like we do with water in the gym. One can see the toll the potent stuff is doing to his body; look worn-out with sagging eyes. Hope he survives the demons of the bottle.
It’s 18:06:34 on Sun, Mar 25, 2012; life goes on and no one gives a sh*t about the others, as long as the music plays, moonshine are poured, the smoke of joints fills the air and the hardcore draw their lines of Angel dust; what else can a man locked up do to be happy. And finally, those with soft spot for the other, will wind down with shoving and blowing and helping each other attain their desired state of ecstacy; their ain’t bad as they won’t hurt no one when high unlike the binged drunkards and addicts. Until recently, when a jealous lover killed another in pavilion 2; where all the panamanian gays, transexuals and whatever some calls themselves are house. Apparently, any visitor or new inmates will be smiling thinking he will be spending time close to some lonely ladies slammed up from men on seeing their strings, tangas, tongs, bikinis and lingerie hanging outside the pavilion. Not until you see them out on the patio, then will they realised that they’re dealing with some freak show casts; as some of them look so horrid! Most of the old lads ain’t edgy about seeing their tits as we pride ourselves as the proud owners of the biggest set of tits in the centre; courtesy of our Shemale pal;-) she keeps the lads in order! Even the haters occasionally steal a look at her tits with hidden grinning;-)
Water crisis! Back again and this time back for good! Water is been rationed, glad I have enough containers for storage but ain’t enough; my consul helped us with bigger tanks. But my mates ain’t ready to buy what we need to get it fixed. Hope to set it up soon, but rather hope to leave here. Till then, it is “Aluta Continua”
One of my little cat is pregnant, been searching online to see what I need do; but I believe she was raped and abused by the stray white cat who kept sneaking in and raped them; they fight him off, but he succeeded in getting one pregnant, he is a beautiful white cat and two different colours of eyes; an albino!
My fears for the animals remains as many inmates are using rat poisons in their cells, and the cats end up eating poisoned rat and many dies from that. Lost my precious cats to the poisons. Can’t tell if people deliberately poisoned them as many loathes the cats.
I rather watch over my back and protect myself first, but my hearts are with those little felines.
All said and done, our short weekend came and gone with not so much an incident, except my compatriot who is keeping many on the edge as attitude is unpredictable; after threatening his uncle. Hope help comes to him before time runs out on him and before the inmates get wary of his antics.
Finally; we have a new member to our growing number of pavilion6 family; A Canadian (Apparently, I have a Canadian mate; an old architect whose lawyers and wife drove him to the path that lead him here; he’s a nice fella) who has been on the run from Canada since 1999, where is wanted for 23 Murders. So far, he’s holding the record for being the meanest inmate here with such number as a prefix to his name. When the news came up on the news; I sat up to see his face and it is the same dude; Hell’s Angel, with Vikings Tattoos all over his body and shaven head with a true Viking Beard; flippin lunatic thinks he’s a Viking. He should be happy he wasn’t from George Bush country; he would’ve been gassed or electrocuted, given a Hot Chair! Since he came in, there’s been mood changes among inmates, many doesn’t want him around. I wouldn’t mind an interview with a mass murderer; ain’t talking abt GB or Bashir and Assad of Syria but the one right under my nose. Would love to walk his line and mind. Will give a try!
Will be Posting Sights of our lives Behindbars!!!