“We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once” – Calvin Coolidge.
So much has been said and so much has been done. Slammed and banged up in The Slammer, to many and to the weak in mind, the world has ended. Definitely, it seems so, but it’s also a moment to think deeply and make drastic decisions about the true essence of one’s life and find true meaning to what brings that peace of mind. And rewrite one’s life and think of plan B – Z!
The journey seems very long, it’s been two years on and it looked like yesterday; vividly, I can still see it all. But should history repeat itself after all these ordeals. You had an heated argument with someone, you are forced to sleep with one eye open, never entered into that deep phase of sleep as you don’t want to sleep into your demise.
My experience with the Latinos has been like sitting in a classroom and learning something new. Once there’s hostilities, the weaker force will move out to avoid trouble, but the stubborn and daredevil types will get ready and be prepared.
A new fellow who was brought into my cell, didn’t last a month, as one of the old inmate (Chief-of-Gossip) developed instant hatred towards him. Came in from the gym one day and found out that he was gone, when I asked him why? His response “to avoid trouble as that man doesn’t like me”. Bodily harm or killing another inmate means more time to one’s time. But lately, as rumours has it; there is silent killers in our midst; Poison! With that, you don’t bloody know who spiked your food or drink. Not even CSI or Forensic detectives can figure out what happened. The Fella was wise enough to leave. All because of water, he used water and the old inmate told him not touch his water (apparently since I came here, hasn’t seen him bought a tank)!
When my released Cellmate was told to be careful as such thing (Poison) is in our midst, he also warned me. Since then, leaving my bunk or being out of the cell for a long period of time is very rare. I tried to stay in and spend more time in the cell. We have heard how an inmate drank poison that wasn’t made for him and died. The target survived! That’s how bad it could be.
Like they said, “Silence is the best answer for a fool” I have learned to response with absolute silence on some certain remarks. And it has helped greatly. The cell is packed and silent hostilities is slipping in and things are getting tensed; my released mate was more or less feeding us as he shared whatever he had from his visits. Since he’s gone, few still wants the joint cooking and eating. But I can’t have it as I will feel the blunt of it all.
My strides should be flawless like those of my feline friends; enjoyed watching them hunt, walks around and in between hundreds of legs and without making contact of any sort. Like my mate always said, live with them, but don’t let them see you.
After two years behindbars, still can’t tell what the future holds. But I’m determined to change the trajectory and the course of my life. A lad that was released came back, didn’t make a year on the streets; probably couldn’t fit in to the outside world. Should be looking to another three to Fives years if convicted, before he would be due for repatriation to Colombia.
My mate wanted to bring him in, but knowing that he’s a troublesome guy, I vetoed for someone else to come; glad I’m a permanent member of the security council in my cell! ;-). Thus he won’t be coming in here.
So much wrangling inside here, it is a world of its own, but one you live with extreme care; not the fear of being hit by a car or getting stuck on a rail-crossing. But one that you could have falling rocks and meteorites split your head open; as it happened in the 1st week of September. My Argentine pal who runs groceries and anything saleable store from his cell (once sold some Rambo kinda knives) and also a Loan Shark; was on a Colombian Lad for his money. As it is, one has to be aggressive to proof his point, the lad and his mate had something else up on their sleeves.
While my pal was having his walk around the pavilion, on a perfect co-ordinated and well choreographed action, an enormous block of stone was dropped on his head from the top of the cell; saw nobody! But all fingers pointed to the Lad as he had earlier roughed him for his money.
He bled, while we raised our alarm system to alert the cops of an injured inmate (banging on the metal door)! The cops eventually came after an hour and after we had administered first aid to him. Was taken to the big hospital where he was x-ray and had 35 stitches. Now the new joke in the pavilion; be careful of falling stars!
The Lads committed a perfect crime, one if not for the hostility, nobody would have known who did it. We thought they won’t be kicked out, as they were Colombians. But they were finally taken out and given a new place of abode among the Panamanians; now they will know what living in hell is. Now they can sleep with their eyes wide open. And my pal who got smashed could have the Panamanians do them easily as he has lots of contacts among the panamanians as he does deals with them; very easy!
Since he got stitched, his words has been kinda slurred, hope the rock didn’t rocked his brain, and his nickname is actually Rocky! Damn, he better choose another nickname. “A rock fell on Rocky” not a good nursery rhyme! 😉
After his encounter of the rock kind, other fracas has been going on; and it’s over money. That reminds me, gotta pay up some debts before some lunatic plunged a zigzag knife on my back or send some falling rocks on me! ;-)! Glad I have a good credit rating! “my words are my bond”……
Business and dealing is the live wire that keeps the centre running. Doesn’t matter what is dealt on, got something? Somebody will want it. And the population is growing soon we will hit the 500 Mark and will fcuking celebrate it. The 3-Men leadership are working hard to keep Law and order. Not easy taming men who society and the Law couldn’t tamed!
The gym hall becomes bed of polyfoams and mattresses as inmates scrambled for sleep-spots at night. By 7am they are up as clangs of metals from the first group to use the gym pumped in. Got a new group of gym enthusiasts who are ready to work with me, but on a lean budget as we barely have supplements and nutrition; unlike my mate who left, he takes care of the food, I do the studying and looking for better workout forms.
Churning out advises on what we can salvage from in here to get some ounce of muscle; damn won’t be healthy as those MuscleMag guys! At least we can afford eggs, lentils and beans! Getting back in form as the stretching and yoga is helping with the sciatica pain. Gotta loose more weight. And more leaner Muscles.
More inmates are jumping on the bandwagon of getting kicked “Steroids” everyone wants the easy way to pumping up. Hope they check the side effects; the main dealer has an enlarged heart and none care to ask him if he was born with it or it grew alongside as other muscles in his body grew! 😉
Too bad when they are using these stuffs and not eating proper diet, one of my Cellmates who secretly does it; I can notice roid-rage as he reacts to any little issues, thus I keep my distance; “Out of Sight, out of mind”, hope it works, but not. Out of sight, that’s when the gossip about you begins. They don’t dare talk in your face, but behind at one’s back. “Cowards”
My cell is becoming tensed as I’m the only Non-spanish speaker, lots of sarcasms and provocation. But I have learned to live with them and give them my back. So also the centre is becoming tensed with pockets of incidents here and there. Hope we can bottled it up before it explodes.
In my two years behindbars, have learned enough to keep me for a lifetime; dealing with people of all sorts. Behindbars you meet them in diverse characters.
My new inmates who bought a Chinese-knock-off phone that uses four Sim cards was so up on his head that he’s got the best phone. When he brought it to me to help set up internet connection. Just couldn’t know where to start with as he’s got all four provider’s Sim in his phone. Told him, it won’t work as I have seen many before his.
Out of shame or show off, he eventually got hold of the old BB Storm; now I know I have real problem, as I know, he fcuking has no clue how phone works; the only thing most know about phones, is to receive calls and make calls, view nude pictures and watch pornographic clips. They bloody don’t like SMS which I believe is cheaper than making calls. Lol!
When I finally got hold of his phone and went deep into it, was disgusting seeing what he’s got in there; his missus ain’t the type one should be having her nude in his phone. Better have her with her clothes on; better for him and whoever he will give the phone to help send messages.
He even boasts about having video “chicas de 12años”; when I saw the clips, what a freaking paedophile he is! Fcuking look like a family men with a wife and kids, but deep down he is a man that shouldn’t be allowed to come close to kids, not even have one as a child; only heaven knows what he has done to his beautiful kids whose pictures I saw on his BB. Well, I’m in prison and bound to meet many more weird people. And those that can’t keep their itching fingers from my lil kittens “wee wee”, since there ain’t any hole to put their dirty fingers, caught one old pervert playing with my kitten and trying to arouse the poor beast. What a prick! Took my cat away before he rapes the poor thing.
Not just the Panamanians, guess it is a thing with Latinos, don’t tell them of your released date till you are out of the pavilion. One of my Mexican pal left without telling nobody, didn’t even know till he called me from the airport that he’s on his way home. He knows his people and what they can do.
My mate that was released after 2yrs behindbars, calls me from the city, at one point told me how he overheard one of my Cellmates saying as soon as he gets on the street, he will be gunned down. Asked why he didn’t react; said he was on his way out, didn’t want problems. Good idea!
Now that he is gone and not bringing and buying food; I have to life with someone nicking my things in my absence. But the foolish thief whom I know too well, is a very careless one, touch, open and take things but forget to cover up his tracks. Actually told him when next he open my containers, he should close them properly as we don’t live alone; those freaking annoying roaches wanna fcuking share every little space with us. He couldn’t say a word as he knows I know who invades my privacy in my absence.
The Lad who thinks he can trade while he should just sit down and talk all day, is pretty sick with scalp infection that won’t go away. After ordering a strong medicinal shampoo; I ran several search on google and what I found baffled me and got me on sitting on the edge.
The guy that died of HIV/AIDS related sickness was his mate and in same case and they were pals from back home. I’m left in Limbo as what he using and all his medications those given to people with very low immunity against some infections. Hope he’s not Positive, as my suspicions has always been bad immune system and have been giving him my vitamin C and also advice him to eat fruits. I have always been careful, but will be devastating if after all my care, I get infected from a stupid careless inmate.
On the several occasions he went to the clinic for check-ups, no Doctor had been able to tell him what is wrong with him, they kept giving him medication to strengthen his immune system! That’s giving me food for thought and something to ponder about for a very long time.
Gotta keep all my stuffs out of reach and away from their prying eyes and itchy fingers. The norm of sharing drink from one cup; gotta fcuking stop it. Wanna drink from me, freaking get your cup!
On my case, going pretty slow as it is in Panama, nothing moves the way one wants them to go. It all moves at snail-speed. Several Colombians had been repatriated back home in the past weeks and many more are going. My compatriots and some Spaniards were called for photographs; guess their files are before the minister who will endorsed their applications for repatriation back to their home-country. Hope mine will get somewhere soon.
On 11 October, called out to sign for a document, finally gotten my Sentence details (that should be the bloody sentence Certificate; got sentenced and awarded a certificate! Good one!) detailing the time-line of one’s time behindbars and when you’re expected to walk out of this hell-hole as a free man; that is, if one will make it out alive! seen some came in alive and sad and taken out in bodybags dead and still sad! And as they fought to live at the last moment, knowing they are dying. Freakin scary!
Gotta brace up and live like Socrates rightly put it, “The greatest way to live with honour in this world is to be what we pretend to be.” especially when u’re behindbars!
The Mobile signal Jammers are yet to be switched ON; after the last episode of inmates gone wild, with inmates in Pavilion 2 shooting at the cops and those in 4 setting fire to the transformer powering the antennae, the authorities are a bit calm. And from what we heard; the technicians working on the antennae are scared of coming back to work as many had received threatening phone-calls from inmates. They’re welcome to the another world! We hope the stand-off will continue forever.
No one except the authorities understand why they are cutting off the signal when there isn’t enough public/paid phone for inmates. In my Pavilion, we have 4 public phones, but as am writing; only one works and functions properly.
A Compatriot will be home soon, hope he doesn’t come back here like the Latinos. Can’t wait for that day!
My lower-back and the Sciatica is healing but at a very slow pace; thanks to all the exercises found online and all the articles. Hope I get a full use and strength on my right leg. Wondering when will the numbness wear off! Too bad when you can’t feel part of your own body. But fcuking feel it when damn freaking critters come crawling over my body at night; damn roaches.
Our shemale pal finally found a new cell, but as rumours put it, had to get laid by the dude who thinks he’s a catholic priest; he’s actually running the catholic church. Won’t be a surprise after reading and following all the news about pay-out by the mother-church for abuses done by their priest on little altar boys. Hope she is happy in her new cell.
She and the Jamaican girl-boy who had actually has an arse implant are helping the lazy lads keep their hands and feet clean and polished “Manicure” and some sensual massage! They won’t be short of clients as many are readily and in dire need of their services. Who knows what more is attached to the manicure treatment! Hope they also add tips of keeping germs off; by washing their hands after using the loo.
It is said, any cell with curtains and blind on are to be entered with care. Don’t even think of entering as one might see or witness the unexpected. Will be nice if they can keep it on the down-low without fighting over boyfriends and lovers.
Some nights ago, our Reggae-Reggae girl-boy was disrupted from a rendezvous that was to take place, but didn’t take place. Heard the commotion and ran out. He was sure ready as he had an easy-to-pull-down track pants. I’m left to wonder who was coming to pop-a-party with my pal. Do get along with him as I have been the only to fight (verbally) against his fellow Jamaicans who are always singing lyrics to Buju Bantan (now in jail in Florida for Coke) and other Dope-head musicians about killing gays. My point of view about life; “Live and let Live”, so long you don’t freaking intrude into my privacy. Not with this fellas, they want to live other’s life, not thinking of years they will be doing behindbars.
The cause of all these is pure idleness; as the authorities has no programs to get us busy, many are busy trying to help others live Their lives.
Finally, thinking and finally decided on a new career pathway; gotta get myself ready for the street whenever the/that moment comes. Don’t want to come back here like my Latino mates!
One of my favourite quote from Calvin Coolidge – “We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.” And that something, I am very much busy with. Hope it comes out good and satisfying.
But for now, living with my back against the wall and having eyes around my head.
Sunday, 6th of November;
Didn’t get my last write-up online as the internet connection has become tricky and uploading large data is becoming futuristic!
Hope I will successfully get it up on this new network.
Apparently, so much has happened within the short space of time. The Jammers are finally switched ON and it’s doing its work and purposes; Blocking and Jamming all mobile phones signal. Like I saw it coming, when a pal asked me if I want to switch phone and pay him a bit extra. After using his phone for a while, I opted for the deal and it wasn’t a bad deal as it is now; the only type of phone and network working despite the Jammers being switched ON!
When the antennae were switched ON, the centre got boiled up as inmates in different pavilions rallied against it; many broke out of their pavilions and one group successfully destroyed one of the Jammers. So bad all these happened during the weekend as Panama were celebrating their independence or separation from Colombia.
It was the beginning of a war that the inmates are willing and ready to fight for as long as it takes. Canisters of gases were shot at us and live-bullets along side rubber pellet were fired. Some silly inmates who were stupid enough or unfortunate to be hit are still walking around with lead-pellet in their bodies. Wondering when they will get them out and removed the pellets.
The other pavilion for foreigner was more of a Hollywood scene as inmates exchanged shots with the cops. At the end of the day, the cops won as they went for the arms; doubt if they found anything. Outside the pavilion belongs to them, while we own the inside, thus throughout the stand-off and fracas, the cops won’t dare come in at night. They know better what awaits them when the lights are out! We don’t trust them, neither do they trust us. But we coexist and live alongside each other on a parallel world; a world we all meet each other when things need exchanging hands.
Since the stand-off, no groceries has been allowed in. They always know how to get us; starve them and get them weaken. All the groceries shops are dried, the only thing one sees on the shelves are bags of salt and vegetable oil; wonder if we can make some magic and turn them into proper food.
The lads selling vegetables are left with Garlic and Onions; wonder, if we are going on Vampire killing spree!;-)
If Garlic cures any ailment, should sure work for me as I have eaten so much garlic, and onions; even made garlic tea, garlic and butter for my bread, garlic and fried eggs, garlic on toast! Looking for what more to do with garlic!
The weekend has seen more meetings and announcements than in the past months; New Laws and Rules are made but they always broken. It’s like we’re going back to get the cells under lock. But doubt if that will work.
The Usual weekend fiestas; drinking, smokes and music has died out as no strength is left for any celebration.
The weekend ended and the centre started coming back to life! Business and dealings on full speed. New inmates along with those who seems to enjoy being here were brought in. One of the lads who left couple of months ago came back. But no bed, guess he’s got to wait for a long while. The new ones are stunned at the first site of the centre. But sooner or later they get used to the life inside here.
The food is becoming worse and not even my cats want to eat of it. Had our Monthly visit from the Asst. Consul, no good news but things look positive. Hope it remains! Got my pack from home; Medications that I needed so badly as I don’t get them here.
One of the jammers was burnt and put out of operation; well since we were locked up, and the only animal that moves in and out of the building are my cats. Will be nice if the authorities question the cats! ;-)!
Despite others still working, we get signals at different points in the building, especially around “The Wailing Wall”; the wall apparently answers our plea to reach our loved ones through our phones. That’s the only point where signal is at its best in the building.
Tension is high among cops and inmates. Nobody knows what is coming next, but like the scouts rightly put it “Be Prepared”; we are ever ready and waiting.