Monday, 19th April through Sunday, 25th of April 2010.

Pepe got BF and spilled the custard like thing on my books, fan and on my head, was so crossed with him, but what can I do to an old man like him. Living with us has made him look and think younger than his age. He cleaned up the floor and I had to clean my books and other things. I knew this day will be coming and it eventually came. I was only scare that it wouldn`t be very hot so I don`t get scald.

Lately, Pepe has been working incessantly, he is so muscle up, that he can`t take off his T shirt without someone helping him, and due to the build up so much testosterones and adrenaline in him, he has become very hyper and always getting on our nerves. I guess the gym is doing that to him. Always forgetting things, I hope the Director grants him permit soon to go out soon so he can relieve himself and come back humbled. Lately he has been doing Diablo like the others, so many people thought were clean of that sh*t , but I was wrong, so many are involved with getting high or higher with dope even the wardens are involved. Moreno of the wardens and my buddy also does it, and when he is high, you see him closing doors and locking up without listening to anyone. He becomes very hyperactive and walks like a soldier in the front line. Good sh*t!!!

With the anger, left for work out, worked out all day till I was relieved of my anger, got back in my cell, it was full of people. One may wonder what so special about cell number 2. In Panama, if you are caught with a stick of joint, you may face a lengthy jail term unlike most places in the world, read recently that in Mexico with 2 sticks of joints you will walk free, whereas back home you can buy enough to host a joint party with friends; Good Sh*t!!!  Many of these guys really want to visit my country, not as tourist, but just to come and smoke good joint, too bad I don´t smoke.

There`s no Coffee shop in Panama or anywhere one can get mushrooms, LSD or any of those hallucination drugs, but in jails here, you can get anything you want. Since one of Jer’s buddies sells leave (papers to roll joints), most guys end up buying their grass elsewhere and then get the leaves in my cell, and end up smoking it there.

Sometimes, the air is so thick of smoke, but gotta live with it as the cell is bigger and much better than the others. Wonder when Jer leaves as he will be leaving soon, what will become of the smokers who always see our cell as coffee shop and with good bashment – reggae music. Guess they will look for other place, or I will be collecting money from them to enter and smoke.

Got to the Library, Pedro won`t give me his laptop, back to my cell and did some reading. Got some mangoes, Papaya and avocados from my fruit supplier, paid him whooping $4, which is damn too much for what he got freely, but since I can´t get fruit from elsewhere or anywhere, I believe they are worth the amount, later made lots of juice from the Mangoes and Papaya.

When Pepe came back from school, he also brought Mangoes to calm and pleased me, well if he knew and understands me, he would have known that I have forgotten about the incident as I took his lunch while he was away. I`m the only one whom he asked for help or assistance to do anything for him or when he needs something in the cell.

Luis; my little friend from Pabellon who lied to me that he was leaving soon, that was months ago, but he is still here now. He wanted me to give him money as he promised leaving his phone for me when he leaves. Well, told him then, I will buy the phone when he is about to leave, for some time now he stopped coming to my cell after I stopped giving him attention.

Spoke with Schat and the Kids, they have all grown up and both talk a lot, asking me questions upon questions, wanting to know when I will be back home, my daughter in particular is getting weary as she always ask if it may take a long time for me to get back home. Well, I pray that it wouldn`t be the type of my son long time; when he wants to say long time… he has to stress it…. Long long long long long long time!!! Hope, my return home won´t be that type of long time which my son always mean when he says long time.

Had dinner which Jer made and my juice, I tend to buy and make juice, but I don`t really care as we all drink and live in peace.

Did bit of reading before slouched in deep slumber as I was so tired from the workout earlier in the day. What a day, glad that Pepe and I are ok, but told him when taking BF through my corner, no more Liquid stuffs and he agreed.

Tuesday, 20th….

Pepe has been picking BF without cream after the spill, guess for now my books and things are safe. He and Jer leaves very early for school, at his age he’s smarter than most of the younger ones here. Showed me some of his class work, did pretty good compared to most of the boys. From what I see here, it´s like the older generation in this country had better education than the younger ones, well maybe I´m wrong as those here are just small percentage of the youths in the country. But it’s so appalling as they can´t read or write and they always appear very smart when dressed up to meet their girls or out on appointment.

As of Jer, he is been making money up there in school, guess as he is preparing to go back home, he want to raise some cash. When the Brit Consul came, he didn´t order much, and he has been cooking BF from the kitchen in the school for his boys to sell down here, and they do sell loads. Hope he is not using from our groceries as loads are missing from the fridge.

Did some workout walking, jogging and then weights with some of the boys here. Many want to know if I´m using Steroids since many of them use. But I´m alright as I´m not working out for a fight or any competition, but to keep and stay fit and most importantly healthy since the doctor here sucks and won´t attend to you unless you are dying.

The Brit Consul came today, since all Consul services has been moved to the Embassy in Mexico, the assistant Consul is a Panamanian and will be responsible for all their needs. Manni didn´t like the idea of having a non Brit running their affairs as she won´t be able to pull enough weight.

When Manni finally came in, he came in with my Package which Schat sent on his name through his Consul as mine won´t accept any other things except books and my educational stuffs. After checking through, the Colonge, Parfums and body spray I promised Jesus mum wasn´t in the pack. When I asked Manni, he said the police won´t allow them in, I told him to tell Ana that he will send someone to pick it up, he never did it and till today as I´m writing he is been beating around the bush. Guess I should forget about it, I guess Ana is using them and also must have given mine to her hubby or boyfriend.

Jer didn´t get to meet the Consul, the warden won´t go up to get him, he came back angry and annoyed, kinda tensed up in the cell, everyone kept to themselves, well I don´t really know what would have happened if he had seen her, he can always speak with her on phone. Guess too much smoke and being here for too long can play bad on people’s mind and temper like it has done to Billy the Kiwi whose country hasn´t got repat treaty with Panama, so he has been forced to do all his time here. He easily gets upset and curses at every instance, always do my best to avoid him.

Luis my lil friend from Pabellion who made me lost my sim card as it was blocked after he used wrong pin and eventually entered the wrong pin the 3rd time, losing about $50 of credits, since then I avoided him and he knew what he did, seeing that things are calm or maybe he saw the huge pack with Manni and Manni who is always pushing them off, must have told him, the packs are mine. Well looking at this kid, one will think he is less than 18 years, but I guess he is less than 22 and he has two or three kids. One thing about him that distastes me is his love for tattoos, he has so many things written all over his body, and some he does it himself. Hands, toes, fingers, neck, just about everywhere he finds enough space, got his nick name (Ton Tin) written all over his body, wonder why he does that. Well he is back, but I will avoid him, he works in the kitchen and used to supply me with cookies when ever it comes with Lunch or dinner. But since the sim card incident, he has been out of the scene, the way they work here baffles me. When one is on you, he tries to keep others off you until he has finished begging.

Made curry with the Octopus, with coconut powder sent by Schat with other things through Manni´s name and Soya sauce, Jer never liked anyone else cooking unless when we don´t have beef or chicken, then he will want us to improvised with what ever we can, well, did my best to make it look like something from Thai Restaurant, damn missed my Thai food. Don´t worry, when I leave here, will have a proper dinner, but then, I can´t eat much again, as every little thing fills me up. Guess the body is getting adjusted to the situation and condition here.

Manni made himself egg sauce as he is not a big fan of strange seafood, we had Moonshine, well Manni being proper English Bloke knows how to arrange shag. Nice evening as we ate as one big bloody family. 

Spent the night reading few chapters from my new book, good habit, hope to keep it up even after Renacer, as it keeps one head sharp.

Another day in paradise or in the Belly of the Beast has gone, still waiting and hoping……

Wednesday, 21…….

Got my BF from Billy who always screams my name, sometimes from the gate outside the passage and some when he comes in. Most times it is always locked until 8am if we are on early shift or locked till noon if we are on late shift.

Still wondering why they keep bringing them differently, as they are same shyte, all they do is rotate it, what comes on the diet meal comes on the normal one the next day; vice versa!!! One thing I know, Billy and the Colombian Midget do some dirty jobs with the diet bread, as what comes most times are white slice bread, but what we get is the while balls like the normal ones, I believe they always keep the slice one for themselves as there always enough bread in the small room that housed the fridge which Jer shares with them.

Food is one of the biggest politics in this place, just as it is outside here, I remembered in my first year at uni writing a pretty nice essay on an article that was feature in the Guardian about The Banana war between America and Europe, little did I know I will be coming to that zone. Guess that was one of my best works in the uni as I got 75%. Since I took my time to do my research and put in my best, little did I know I will be spending some damn time in one of the countries I wrote about.

Since we were on the early shift, dressed out for my daily workout and exercise, did some walking, jogging and then some weights. Felt so good with myself, one has got loads of time to do something positive while here, but I doubt if everyone thinks like I do. In and had a hair cut from Robbie my country bloke, my scare is the clipper, it has gotten so old, and just that one for everyone of us here. Wonder if he sterilizes it, I had expected Schat to send me one, but she forgot as she was in a rush when packing my stuffs. Hope next time she will do it.

Had coffee and my BF, reminded Manni to call Ana, doubt if he does, I knew what I went through with him, when he gave me money to get his phone and mine, ended up paying him while his money was still outside. Eventually the money was picked up and his phone gotten and he had a good phone while mine was rubbished. Over here, I have found out that everyone is just interested in his own wellbeing and making sure his belly is filled. People always hide and eat any good treats which they don´t get often. Like KFC, that´s a big treat here and Buggers, since I´m diet and weight watch, I´m not too keen on them and moreover they get cold when they get here from the city. But KFC chicken is still wicked and cool though….

Apart from Dope and Grass being the Major biz here, no one can´t go wrong with food, once you cook anything, get one of the young lads to do the selling. You are bound to sell, since they just hung around doing nothing, they will want to eat anything. When I say anything I mean anything that crawls, walks and runs around in the Jungle; Iguana, anteater, crocodile, snake, pigeons, just about anything that has flesh and looks edible.

Got soup today from one of the new boys, guess he decided to make use of his groceries and make more money, his soup was watery, but since you have taken, can´t complain, sometimes one need the hot and peppery from their soup as the food here is cooked without chilli. The soup here is something one has to explore; everything is dump in water and cooked together. All you have to find out what sort of flesh is in the soup before buying.

Got my groceries today, the lads were waiting anxiously as if they sent me on errand to buy things for them. Luis (Ton Tin) and Carlos (Milonario)(heard he earned that name after he robbed and made away with more than $1M, but was later arrested and ended up here, guess he was caught in the laps of his girlfriend. Dump ass crook, could have sneaked into Costa Rica or Colombia and buy his way through to down south, and live happily ever after. Now he is just the opposite of his nice name. He is the worst beggar here, everybody denigrates him as he doesn´t know when to stop begging, and even if you tell him you ain´t got nothing. He followed me into my cell, well, don´t know why he tried smuggling in Cigarettes as he was working with agent on the Meduca (Ministry of Education Project) outside, that would have kept him outside till pass 5pm when they come back, then he would be off people´s faces.  Lately instead of giving him a dollar, and since he sees me buy ice, he always for a bag of ice, which I always tell Papalo (A cop who turned bad and shot a fellow cop dead during robbery) to give him a bag, which I believe he ends up selling so he can smoke or do some dope.  I hope he won´t come again, doubt as he sometimes goes off but will still come back.

Got water spilled while talking with Schat, left some veg in the sink as I will be cooking tonight, the Carrot blocked the drain, and water filled up the sink and ran over the whole floors, nice I saw it on time as all our bags would have been soaked in water. Mopped up the floor, guess we won´t be washing our cell this weekend as I have done it now.

Was grateful to Schat for all she sent, for the boxing gloves, guess we have to write for a permit to get a punch bag, which will be good for my Cardio training. Hope Mr. Bossman signs the permit.

Cooked Coconut Curry Chicken and Pork chops (wondered where Jer got the Chops), lately Manni hinted me what has been happening in the small room where the fridge is, there has been food missing, we had also lost our meat, well since no one  was ever caught, one can´t blame anyone.

People nicked things and it´s like just taking and using, the worst is stealing your clothes to mop their damn floor, which is unbelievably heartless. 

We watch The Office; Uk version and Little Britain which Schat sent, felt as if I was home, everything sound familiar.

Spent the night in my bed reading and thinking, glad for my new habit of reading as it helps my mind wonder off this awful place into a different world. …..

Thursday, 22……..

Early and got my BF, guess Pepe got theirs, Jer was out, he called me to hand him some stuffs, quickly got him the wet towels and foot mat, which he hung outside to dry.

We are on the late shift today, so stayed in doing little bit of this and that, Diaz and his group are back, this group are the hunters or beggars in uniform. They kept sneaking into people´s cell and checking on one´s phone. Well, I have an old banger which they all know, so I won´t be bother if they take it off me, but all they want is just money, some asked directly, but since they haven´t seen any new phone with me, they won´t have much to do as in seizing it and asking me to pay. Juez; the king of one pack, seized Robbie´s then, and never gave it back to him, even after much pleas and Robbie offering to pay. Guess it was all over an old grudge and that was the way he wanted to settle it.

Out for workout, but it was very hot outside, loads of water and did some weights, my black sleeveless top or tank which I hung out last night to dry after my exercise was nicked, after looking around, saw the very guy who told me he like my Just Cavalli tank, which I gave to him wearing this one. Talked with Jer, who said I should leave it, as he may say someone sold it to him and then I can´t do nothing. Well I think we need a wash machine and a laundry dryer in our cell. One can´t make use to the heat of the sun that is free and abundant to dry clothes, without fear of your things being nicked. Once you have your laundry outside on the lines, you have to stay out and watch your things till they get dried.

When I told Mike; the Gringo, he asked what sort of top, well learnt from him and Terence that the nick name for such tank back in the south south is Wife Beater; reason according to Terence our crack head yank, that when police are called to domestic violence, most men are always found wearing such. Thus the name Wife beater!!!

Anyway, the dude has it, whenever he comes to our cell, he´s always looking around, I guess what he will like to nick or tell his cronies to nick for him. Manni and I planned to stop the free access to our cell, but having Ernesto in will be hard as he is a Panamanian and also got many smoking partners.

Manni met Andorra to write a permit for my Portable DVD player after much persuading, but came back to tell me how Leo; the Mexican who came from La Joya and whose company´s is providing the Camera for the film project. All of them except Manni have used the film as an excuse to get things for themselves. Leo wrote a permit for a portable dvd player saying that they need extra monitor, when it was brought in, the police checked it, but it never left. But I believe if Manni should send a permit, the director will sign as Manni is his pay maker. On the other hand Manni is always reluctant to do anything, well I think I have to opt for the Plan M my lawyer talked about and get my things in as I need them badly.

Spoke with Schat after she returned from a test on her, all is well and ok, can´t wait for the D-day, Oh dear how I miss her and my lil Angels, sometimes I tried not to think about them, but their pictures are all facing me on my bed stand. I believe they are my strength and what keeps me going, knowing one day I will leave here and be reunited with them.

Made Mango and Ginger ice, but later found out there was no ice and we had to drink it that way, wasn´t nice, I voiced out my heart about the way things are ran in the cell, I and Jer sort of take the cell as ours while the others just wait for things to be done, Manni used the film as an excuse, stays out till 6pm and expect to come in and eat. Others who are in the film thing with him, once it is 4pm, they start hustling for their dinner, either the prison food or make theirs, but Manni, even when all is done he purposely stays outside with Billy, knowing fully well, that Billy has sorted himself out for the evening. So that evening, I told them, that I can´t be wasting my time making juice with anyone in mind if they don´t contribute in one way or the other.

Well, hope things will change, this is the second time we are having discussion about the way things are going in the cell.

Jer was pissed; guess he should calm his nerves as he will be leaving us soon, hope then we will sort out how things are run in the cell.

Once you are given a cell, it becomes your home, you have to make it the way you want it to be, the government don´t really bothers about what goes on, the pain job, electrical wirings, even when there´s blockage in the toilet, you have to get that fix. The only thing that worries them is when the door is broken, and then they will fix that within the blink of an eye.

Most guys here made their cells like a proper home, even some has bottle with Gold fish and Iguana, some nursed baby Parrots till they grow wings and feathers and later sent them to their loved ones. I intend writing for a permit to get a dog, maybe a Rottweiler or Doberman or maybe a pitbull , will be nice to own my own prison dog, in La Joya one of the guys owns one called Marina. 

There will be plenty of food for the dog as most times the prison food is always thrown away, the only time you see people hustle for prison food is when we have Pork Chops, beef and dried fried chicken, other than that they only come when they feel like. So my dog will have more than enough, just as the cats here does.

We had an early night as nobody was in the mood for any movie during or after dinner. Hope things changes.

Friday, 23……….

Early shift today, up and got my BF, Jer and Pepe left for school and Agent to work on the street on the Meduca project. Back to bed, lay a bit but can´t sleep until heard my name, guess from Luis (Ton Tin) my lil friend, the tattoo addict. Got up but ignored his call.

Ramses; was once in our cell, until he had brawl with Manni, fought Manni and broke his ribs, but Jer asked him to leave. From what I heard, most of the kids who now frequent our cell came there because of Ramses; he was friendly with them and always smokes pot with them. But since he´s gone, they haven´t stop coming, he came in and made pancake; the American style, had some with coffee. And left for the library, Mike brought some Moonshine from Terence and we got it for our cell.

The Library was closed, back in with Mike and Terence, learnt from Jer that Terence is a good Moonshine brewer, asked him what he made it from, just the basic ingredients; yeast, oats, sugar and water. Hope it will be okay to help calm our nerves.

Too bad as the library is closed, I´m severely behind on my blogs, the zuma players won´t give me any chance to use the system and do my writing. Hope I get my Laptop soon and stay off the lib.

The activities in the centre were on, music and friends and family were invited. Mike and I finally got into the library. Opportunity to do some work since all the gamers were out, either looking at other´s girlfriends or just hanging displaying their new Nike trainers or pair of Jeans.

Mike and I talked loads, said he was diagnosed with ADHD; that is why he is sometimes slow, well told him, he is slow because of the pot he smokes everyday.  I told him to use the slow pc as that will be on the same tempo as he brain…. lol.

Jer´s boy Enrique who was Fabio’s mate but asked Fabio to leave when Fabio stopped cooking for him and his buddies, now sells anything that Jer cooks from the school. Wonder what kitchen is doing up in a prison school, no wonder food is one the main concern of everyone here. Guess their going to school is to make money from what they can get from there, either fruits or cook to sell.

Jer came back from school with Pepper; guess they have a vegetable garden up there, back in and Felix one of the rude guy here and fiercest among them, being on me to give him a new Bike party with girls on it, since it was on my USB, wouldn´t want to hear stories, I refused giving him, but asked Andorra to copy into a cd for him, well, guess he has been thinking of me. Came on me and told me he is not my friend, well how I wish he meant that and stay off my cell, he was angry, but thank God as Andorra finally did it and I gave it to him, well even Andorra knows how they act, told me to be careful with him. Hope he stays off and doesn´t come back for anything.

Stayed off the guys in Anexo, most of them are locked up there, I guess as punishment for being mouthy with the wardens. Schat and I spoke and text about loads today, the kids are doing fine, but missing me as much as I miss them too.

So hot today, thank God Manni got ice, made some juice later that evening as we had fish for Dinner.

Watch some movies and had a long night reading and offloading my mind in thoughts. Hope this episode of my life here will end soon. Thank God for another day well spent without issues.

Saturday, 24……………..

Up to find my BF on the Table, Billy had done this before, but decided to snub him this time as I now know what his problems are.  Back to bed till late, Pabellion were out all day, so we were locked up in our area.

Finally up, got eggs from Javier; whom I first met at La Joya, who was brought here along with others in the Rayo Montaño case; the first Black Colombian Drug lord. Made pancake, European way, not like Jer does, made enough for everyone, except Pepe who was out in the Gym working weights. Lately he has become addicted to gym, spends all day in the gym, at his age he is so muscular that sometimes he finds it hard to pull of his T shirts, I have to help him do that. Well, as a friend and concerned cell mate, I have advice him to slow down and do bit of walking and jogging as most of the old guys here do. But he won´t listen, I hope he doesn´t drop down one day here.

Swept the cell today and stayed in most of the day, while sweeping Jer found an underwear under his bed, it was agents, that dude is so dirty, guess the Yanks really messed up his head. Well, I hope his lawyer wins the $10M case against the American Govt for unlawful arrest and detaining him for 4 years without reasons and moreover for mashing up his head.

 Hugo my Crack head body who has been lockup in Anexo, guess for stealing or violence after his dope session which he can´t handle. He has been calling me and sending people to get me, ignored him. Finally met him, and Lucho was also there, rarely talks, but as I heard, he is a bad boy to the core. Nothing for them as I told them, yo soy limpio… bloody and fcuking cleaned. Their faces didn´t look too cool as they need dough for their dope for the evening. Wondered why they locked Hugo up when he can still get his dope and continue with what he does better.

Spoke with Schat and the kids, Jessie been playing loads and learning new songs with her keyboard. She wants to be on Television, asked her if she wants to sing on TV, she said she wants to play her piano, that´s nice as she knows what she will like to do.  Ekan is now playing football with his uncle, but he is not too keen on that, he prefers Racing Cars and Monster trucks, actually wants he a big one which he can sit in and drive on the road, had been wondering where he saw Monster trucks on the road that he now wants one. Well, told him, he will get one when I´m back home. Maybe will take him to one of those Monster trucks shows. He won´t contain his joy, love them loads and missing them like the desert miss the rain.

Ernesto got Iguana from one the lads, hell no reptile in the cell, was cooking when it drop on me from where he hung it, almost freak out. Many had been caught when they came out to drink from the tap and water around the centre.

Fox, the tallest guy here was haggling people to buy a television, wondered where he got that from. He was cursing as nobody wants to buy. Buying things from these guys is like buying stolen items from the streets, most of the stuffs are hot as they are stolen from other people. So buying them could easily get one into trouble, so I tried to refrained myself from buying things from them.

Diaz, one of the meanest warden asked me for my phone, said he wants to make a call, well guess he just want to see if I´m still using the old one or have gotten a new one. Gave him and seeing it was still the old one, handed it back to me.

Made the another Curry/coconut sauce with our Octopus, guess that is the last, the warden who ate the first time Jer made Octopus came for some, he loved it. The last time Jer cooked it, the next day they brought him ingredients to cook for them, wondered what they had in mind. Guess they should come for cooking lesson session with us and learn how to cook healthy and yummy food.

Watched some films and did some reading all night, glad that nobody complains about light as Manni and I always stay up reading with our lights on all night. That just one good thing about our cell.

Sunday, 25………………

I´m officially Seven Months old in detention in Panama Penitentiary system, surprise how time flies, so fast and one can remember vividly every bit of what happened and took place on the first day.

Swept the cell, and Manni mopped the floor, guess much better than putting all things out to wash the whole floor. Out for walk and did some weights, Pepe still doing weights wonder when he will stop, hope not until he drops.

Rained all day and very heavy, that´s how it rains here, heavy for a while and an abrupt stop, hope it cools down the heat of the sun. But it remained very hot; guess the rain only brought more heat.

Got some groceries, so also Manni and the guy who nicked my tank came in when he saw the bags brought in, he was eyeing one my new tops that Schat sent, this time, I washed and hangs them in the cell to dry, don´t care how long it takes to dry up, I will wait till they dry up.

Schat and I spoke, great that she makes out the time to call me, she gets some free minutes with her network to call international. And loads of sms too, this really helps me as I think less of the situation here.

We had Pasta and chicken for Dinner, not bad as we still eat together, not too many people in their cell do that, the most cook and eat apart, that can be very bad as things will be stolen. Well guess, ours is just because Manni and I do most of the buying, with Jer doing bits as he is about leaving. Ernesto; wonder what his mum thinks of him, she rarely visit him, and when she sent him groceries, he gets something like 2 Onions, 2 Beets, 150gm of Powder Milk, a loaf of bread, 500gm of Sugar, 2 carrots, 2 green sweet pepper. Well I wonder how she expect him to live on that till the next time she will see him or send him same things. Lately I make sure I buy what I want to eat and not what I want everyone to eat.

Had our Dinner and watched Ross Kemp on Gangs, guess whole of Central America is all about Gangs, Guns and Gangs, even the governments in these areas are more concerned and interested in incarceration than in rehabilitation of these youths that are caught in the web of these lifestyle and gang life. In one recent article, the Panamanian Government talked about building a Penal City; one that will have jails, court and the whole penitentiary system in one big area. What a splendid idea, not thinking of how to solve the surging number of crime and homicide which is largely committed by teenagers. They are thinking of building more Prison. Good for them!!!!

Roll off to my dreamland and which I will wake up in my bed back home…………….

Another week has come and gone and all ended well, the lid is still tight, hope the pressure will be kept at minimum as to avoid eruptions.


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