Saturday, 6 February 2010. Same regimen and rituals as other days, today will be out with my friend to see his family. My visit day is actually on Saturdays, but rarely use it as I don´t have people visiting me. Think they should allow those who don´t use theirs to sell them as everything here is about making money. I guess i will be making loads of money. Now I know how things work here. If you want to go out, just give your visit number out to friend´s family members and they will add you on their list, then you can come out from the population and at least sit among normal people. Even then, the rats will be hanging on the wire fence looking and watching on what you get or will bring in, once you go out of that gate to meet someone, they all believe you are out to make money, bloody leeches.

Did loads of walking and jogging as I waited for my former mate to cut my hair, pretty cheap and you get a quality hair cut. I have told him about sterilising his clipper, hope he does that, but for the blade we get ours, so I´m a bit confident about that and my health. Will be bad to walk in here sound and leave sick. Did little weight, but will be more of cardio which is the walking and running.

Finally had my hair done, he didn´t do much, just trimming of my beard and alignment. looking good, remember when I first came, wasn´t serious about my looks, but then i realised that one of the Panamanian whose mind has been broken looks pretty much like me or I look like him as my body hairs were growing out of proportion. Looking that crazy won´t help. The panamanians here do take time to dress, but most on chinese articles.

Had my shower and out with my friend, met his mother and other member of his family, wondering what they were doing when he was taken away by gangs that he had to kill someone and end up here. His family look like a lovely one, Mum and Dad speaks English and look responsible. well that is life.

Got a new Sim card. When I got in, the search was tough as we had to take off everything, but made my way to one of the cops who always chat with me, he saw the sim, but turned a blind eye, that was a close one or a sign of something else that will happen later.

On my way up to get the laptop as I have spoken with my pal, I will be using it for the night, gotta pay 10 bucks to use it all night from lock down till dawn. On my way up, the boys were having cock fight, earlier today one of the guys has approached me to bet 10 bucks on his cock, that it´s strong and will win and loads of people are betting on it. This is the same guy who told me then in my former cell that he has 4 pounds of meat for sale, told him to bring it, when he brough it, it was 4 portions of his cooked meals which he does and sells. Damned, he held the food before us and insist I must buy the damn thing, told him ain´t buying, I heard he likes trouble, didn´t buy no shit, that happened after couple of days in the centre. Now with the cock fight betting, told him, sorry I ain’t got money and walked out, most of these guys find it hard to take NO as an answer, instead of walking off, they will stand there just starring…. could be scary as you can´t tell what is running through their mind. Lately I have began seizing them up and always watch them for signs of weapons. But from what I heard, the one that will do the job always comes clean and set the motion for the brawl, then his gang members will hand him the weapon once the fight start. That´s how it goes……

Well, the cock fight started and I decided to watch, so I will have a first hand information on what to write down. It´s digusting seing what they do to this animals. A kind of Metal is fashioned and attached to this cocks to serve as a weapon used against the other. Well the fight lasted for just 1Min 33Secs and my friend´s white cock was beaten and almost died. Loads of money exchanged hands as many people get paid from their bets.

While upstairs and waiting for the laptop, went up to my italian friend, it’s crazy how the guys here don´t how to play, the best way for them to say hello or tap you is, coming to you with sign of stabbing and they physically make that stab contact, some even do it with whatever they have with them. such play could be expensive as one can become paranoid and may be force to react.

At my Italian friend´s cell, Hugo my Dope up friend bust in, he was looking paranoid, knew he has had his snorts…..lines of coke, he was looking around and under the bed. When he left my buddy told me how he came one day looking for his Girlfriend and accussing them of hiding his girlfriend in their cell, was terrible as he made problem. But his buddies knew how he acts when he´s done his thing, so they keep any thing that could be use as weapon away from him. The looks in his eyes was scary. Just say hi to him as he walked out.
Got the laptop, not knowing the dude had set up a password, so it was useless as I had it all night and couldn´t use it. Tried calling my Italian whose cell is next to him so he can get him to get me the Password, the dude won´t pick up, and one of the cops sneaked on me and saw me on phone, asked for it and gave it away, but took my chip out. Well, the phone wasn´t the best but it did serve it purpose  but with strain to the eyes as I have to use light to see, since the phone has no light. I was pissed the whole night, I guess my schat felt it as she woke up and couldn´t sleep also, she called me and told her of my frustration, she consoled me, couldn´t read but did a bit, and try to sleep, but the pain of what had happened was too strong. Managed to sleep and off till early sunday morning woke same time as the guys for BF came in.

Friday, 05 February 2010. Up at same time the BF guys got up guess my body clock is well fine tuned to the time the custodio always come in to open the cells for the BF guys. Once mention that is very hard for one to sleep deep in a place like this, you are sleeping but also subconsciously alert to the environs as anything can happen. Guess that can be bad to ones health, but what can one do, while here, one has to watch and be prepare for anything coming and for the unknown.

Didn`t get back to sleep, said my prayers after picking up the BF and dressed up for my daily exercise routine, I have longed for this for a long time, but bad health sort of hinder me. Went out and started with walk and jogging till the sun came up, I see what I have been missing. Like they say, “No pain, No gain”, felt pains but I know at the end I will gain. Did some weight at gym and finally went in, met up with my Country man, one I had the brawl who has now become good friend as he is the only one who will lend me money when I`m in need and also the one that cuts my hair. Went to him to find out if he can cut my hair, he said later in the day.

The state I met him, wasn`t his best moment, he was away yesterday to get his sentence and I met him at the gate when he got back, he told me he got 130 Months which is 10 years and 10 Months. I guess through out the night it dawn on him what life is all about, knowingg that you have just been handed such a long sentence. His eyes were all red, guess from sobbing through the night. He looked disoriented, at that moment I felt for him and I knew what will be going through his mind. The mere fact that you are told you will spend this time in a place like this, though my country has a treaty with Panama on repatriation back home for Nationals of my country to do time for crimes committed here, but who knows what will happen along the line and when a new government comes in and one is still here.

In Panama, one mercy is at the discretion of the judge who issues sentences as santas gives gift to kids. Hope on my day, mine will wake up on the right side and comes to court smiling, as getting a sentence like this can be shattering both psychologically and physically. The day is counting and coming fast, who knows when.
Went out for my mint leaves to make my herbal tea, then heard that my consul is around, waooooh, she surprised us, and she came at the right moment and the right time. Most of us are down in debts and starving, was the last to join them as I had to shower and get dressed up. It was nice going out as we always stand behind the fence watching Panamanians going out to their loved ones. She brought us loads of Books and old News papers, some of the papers were like 3 to 4 years old. Guess being in jail, makes people think that one should not have idea of what is happening in the real world. That could be true as most guys here has little or no idea of what is happening outside the walls of this prison. It was nice to have something to read and also we talked about loads of things. Made some special request on getting things sent through the consul, hope they approve it, as they had approved having my books sent via their address. Don`t really want to bother them, even calling them takes me loads as I don`t want to but sometimes I need them as when I was down with sickness. Sometimes I feel I shouldn`t be here, but certain things happen out of one foolishness and at sometime I believe at one blank state of mind.

Back in with my haul of books and my toiletries, the boys knew our consul has been here and they are out on us as they believe we get money, wonder how much they think we get. Got the newspapers to the Library and books to my bedside, enough to keep me and my English mate busy for a while. Some of the boys came to me, told them “Yo soy Limpio” guess they will figure out the meaning as that ain`t fecking English or my language, but their bloody Panamanian street slang. Got few texts from my Schat, she had a busy day and on her way home from work, will be picking up the kids. She is one of a kind and she is my super woman.

The library`s computers has become mini porn cinema as most inmates use the system to watch porn movies, guess they are getting bored of shot the ball game … Zuma. They need something more exciting and that is watching Porn, not bad as that is the most they can do. Many are influenced by the Jamaican music, dancehall and bashment and most of the lyrics are anti gay, so gay intentions here are not visible. Except our peado friend and teacher who is in for lewd acts with minors. Well nobody knows what goes on behind the cells.

Busy in the library, my Swedish friend from the Green Area came in, came down to cut his hair in the salon, we talked briefly about life here and how we want to go home soon. He has made new friends up there in the Green Area, would have love to go up there as that will take me away from the Panamanians and their unpredictable attitudes. We talked loads and want to go our love ones, hope that comes soon, surprised how the system works here, he has to write for permission from the director before coming down. hummmmmm. My gamer friend is short of patience as he is waiting to use the system for his daily dose of his zuma game… got to walk…

The rest of the day came and gone as fast as the other days, how I wish the days will go fast as they do, and everything will happen fast here, so that in no time one will be out of here. Sometimes I get so scare of the future as one doesn´t have any clue of what will happen. Mostly in time of sickness, like in my case, at a time I thought I was dying, but thank God I came through it and came out revitalize and strong.

We had our Diner and picked out the vegetable from my Prison diet food, like I said sometime they come good looking but the taste is always awful, the night came soon and read some pages from my book before hitting the bed and into my dreamland and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Thursday, 04 February 2010.                 JAIL RAIDERS!!!

Up as usual, got our BF, but the dude came back for some bread, asked him why, said not enough today, whatever, we have our own bread in the cell. Couldn`t get back to sleep, yesterday we heard there will be activities in the centre, music and exhibitions. Guess loads of guys are getting ready for it as they will be inviting their loved ones and friends in.

Out for my exercise, I`m loving it as I can now walk, run and do loads that I have never done in years. Wasn`t out for long when I saw two white buses arrived at the centre, they weren`t the type used for prisoners transportation and not now as the centre is full. But this time cops and loads of them, everybody ran it and the cops jumped out of the buses to meet up with the inmates running to alerts their mates. Ran back to my cell inform my mates and we had our phones stashed after taking out the sim cards.

We have heard of the new Director as one that loves doing random search in his previous centre (The Feminino: The Female Prison). Just as the Boy Scout Motto states “Be Prepare”, we are always on alert as we know it could happen any time. I have experienced one search and heard of many, seen loads on Television but never seen one of this magnitude, there were more than 300 of them and they went through each cell more than five times, they took one of our old charger. But the main stuffs were safe, thanks to our ex-mate grand dad who build his grandson a special device to stash his phones. It has never failed us, saw the cops went through everything but that one thing was like a piece of puzzle as they lift and checked it several times but can`t figure it out.

While the search was on, took the time to jog and walk out, really enjoyed my time outside as I was the only one on the pitch and the gym.
The search lasted for 6 hours, well the timing was wrong as things hasn`t been coming in lately due to the infamous escape that brought the new director here.
They found couple of Knives (machete) long ones and few phones, Blackberry and even a camera. They took all the metal spoons, and any metal objects as they believe they could be fashion into knives or weapon. Even razor blades were taken, wonder how we will shave, few packs of cigarettes. Sometimes one wonders how these knives kept coming in as they were loads that were taken during the last search. Well that`s the only thing that scare the shit out of me, if one get into fight here which is inevitable, the Panamanians don`t just fight with hands like real men do. They fight with weapons, got the cold when I saw the sizes of knives found in the centre, I guess if most of us knew bit about Panama, no one would have love to come here at the first instance.

Well, we thought with the sheer number of cops that stormed the centre today, they will find rocket launchers, grenades, machine guns and solid armoury or even tunnel dug from the centre to the Colombian border. Usually things found will be displayed and film for later broadcast on the television, but they won`t dare do that as it be a big shame and it will also defeat the purpose of the centre, which was meant to be a rehabilitation centre. The stuffs were displayed outside at the reception area, and photos were taken of their treasures, it really didn`t make any sense as the same guys that brought them in will always bring more in and that is my greatest fear.

They took away all laptops and computers, hope they return them as that is the only way we (those of us that get to use them) get to see the outside world. And my world of online, guess there`s been snitches by same Panamanians on their fellow brothers that they are operating internet cafe here in the centre. Hope when we get ours, we will be able to hide it from the Panamanians as we heard that many are turncoats and like snitching for whatever reason one can`t tell. Since the search it has been very tensed down here in the centre, gotta be careful how one talk with the Panamanians as they are hot and most lost loads. My phone is absolutely useless without the charger, so gotta look for one ASAP!!!

There wasn`t any fecking special event today as we heard yesterday, guess the search was the special thing to happen today and it was absolutely special with the numbers of cops that came and how they went about the search.

The rest of the day came very slow and few text from my Schat and we later spoke briefly, told her about the search. From her voice, know she was a bit scared when she heard about the knives. Will try to keep such news from her and always get her the positive ones. She talked about the lil one kicking and needing more space. Soon her journey will come to an end and a new being born into a world of unknowns. Hope my time here come fast and all will be bygone, a chance to make things better. Things I said I will do, hope I stick to them, do away with some friends and company. Bid her good night rest and sweet dreams as she went to bed very tired from the hassle of the day.

We had our diner, nice chicken wings sauce and lentils with rice. Our Mossad agent entertained us with stories of his training and we talked about his time in the states. Jokes about escaping, well it won`t be that easy for us foreigners as it’s damn too far to get home. One will need loads of money, new documents and loads of guts to make it out of Latin America.

Day is almost done, did some reading and gave myself to sleep as it comes, felt so good as the training is really helping my body. I can feel the result, I hope I will stick to this regiment when I get back home. Sent a last text to my schat, telling her how sweet and supportive she has been. If not for her, I guess I would have gone berserk here.


Woke up as the BF guys came calling, today was a bit late, they came around 6am and there was a text waiting from my Schat, last night after we talked she sent me a steaming text, couldn`t help reading it over and over for number of times I can`t remember. I also reply with a nice one to keep her waiting but wanting. How I miss what we love most about us. I could be like a stray dog, but will always find my way home. She is the love of my life…..
Back to bed and slept till 10am, when I got up, the sun was up, thought of skipping my training, but my mind is made up, dressed up and out I went for couple of hours exercise and training. It was worth the time and hassle and the sun was lovely as I know I should be getting extra dose of Vitamina D (it should be call Vitamina Sun).
Back to the cell and had my shower and made me a nice Omelette for Brunch, used the salami that came this morning with our bread and we are still getting more than enough bread and whatever comes with it.

Hugo my Panam Buddy came asking for six eggs, guess to make BF and sell, well can`t give him from what we got in the cell, bought five from Manuelito for him, he promised to get me some of whatever he will cook. Hope I see him later, if not, I`m not so hungry so won`t be waiting for him. Well, he didn`t turn up, guess he used up the eggs. We are buddies but the state I have seen him the few times that I have been up around his cell, kinda scary. Guess should keep an arm`s length from him.
Calls came and was really upsetting, exchange several text with Schat, she wasn`t happy, she did send me some Queen heads, hope I get it on Saturday, she is lovely, miss her loads. We exchanged more text before end of the day, we talked about life in the centre and our mate who`s been here for sometime told us how things has changed. Well we hope things remained changed and we hope more changes take place as the new director promised to turn the place around.
Started with my Spanish lesson and I`m doing pretty well as I speak and understand loads of words now.

My other mate made us Pasta, he really praised himself as he believed he is a good cook, well down here any food is a good food except what we get from the Prison, that no matter how hungry you are, and eating the food is like a big hurdle.
Picked up a book of short stories and did some reading, started with the Saddest Buddha, nice story, had some reflection on the moral of the story on my life. Being sad and making good use of it by not dwelling on one sadness and not been consume by it. But learning to live with it, those monk guys, they sure try.

Read my Bible, great book, hope I keep up with it as it will build my faith and help me through my time here. Got a sweet text from my love and sent her one before I slept, when she woke to use the loo, she saw my sweet text and replied me ASAP.
Drifted into sleep and the day is gone, another new day on the horizon. Mucho gracias Dios.

Tuesday, 02 February 2010 (02022010). I like the date when written in the format I did, sort of fun with numbers. Woken by a text, when I checked it was from my schat and it was pass 4am here, she was at her work, was up as early 4am and couldn`t sleep, so she left for work early. Up and used the loo as I drank loads (water I guess and not wine or some rum) last night, decided to wait for the BF guys, as they will be coming any moment, they came and this time it`s like my talking to the guy did some magic, we are 6 in my cell and we always get 3 balls of small white bread each and one of whatever comes with the bread each day, today was boiled eggs, but I was given about 12 eggs and enough bread to last us for couple of days. Guess the guy got up on his good side this morning (on the prison bed, you can only get up from one side as the other side is the wall, so one has to make sure that each day one wake up on his good side), hope he does that everyday, we will become good buddies. The guy happened to be a Colombian who has been locked up for more than 7 years without trial and he is still waiting, he was arrested and thrown into a big case that he has no knowledge of. Well, that is Panama for you. Nobody bloody care or give a damn unless your uncle is one big shot or knows someone is who is a big shot.

Went back to bed until the door was open, dress up for another day of training, did some bit of walking, jogging and weights. I`m so happy with myself as I can do this things which I have not done for a very long while. Can`t wait to tap some ball with my boy, run around with him, he will like it, want to get fit, stay fit and keep up with a new lifestyle that will prolong my life span and my age, that if no stray bullet meet me, for that can hope, as I won`t be living in Panama or Latin America after my time here.

At the library, music is blasting in full power from the studio, in Panama, I guess copyright law does not work here, as many English songs are done here in Spanish and I guess nobody give a shit. One of the custodio came in, met up with him and asked why the search last night, he said his colleague wanted to count, but my mates didn`t open the curtain on time, so he was pissed and decided to do the search. Well, I guess most of the Panamanians ain`t happy as we are in the big cell, and we are foreigners apart from our Mossad agent and our 61 years old bank robber Pepe. I guess they will do all they can to move us from the cell, but with Jer in the cell they can`t really do much. He`s been here for 4 years and has paid his dues, wondered what it will be like when he is gone as he will be leaving soon. Well till then….

Back to the cell, had my shower and my brunch, since we had more than enough eggs and bread for BF, it was nice to have two eggs and some bread with Peanut Butter. Wasn`t bad with a cup of Cinnamon tea with pinch of milk, felt so dehydrated, guess from the exercise this morning. My mate had a R&B collection playing, listen to nice music for a while and also my Julio Iglesias collections, it brought back memories of home as I like listening to his music at home and while doing long distance driving. Rang my consulate, the guys are all waiting when she will show up with their stuffs and the Benjamins, we are all broke. Good news as she told me that I can have my blood Pressure machine send via the Diplomatic Courier service, thus saving my Schat cost of postage from London to Panama, as she will only pay postage cost within EU. Nice one….

Had three miss calls and a text from my Schat, she will be home and get some rest as she woke up very early today. Misses her loads and the kids also, can`t wait to have them all in my hands. MI AMOR Y MI VIDA!!!

So happy as time is moving pretty fast, just realize today that many of the Panamanians who has been closed to me has been released, the welder, my Hard core gymnast (he`s always jogging and exercising, his body is all muscles, always want to share from anything I drink and I like him because he`s respectful. Happy for him, remembered him telling me sometime in December that he will be out soon. It`s always nice feeling when you see people walk out of the gate of the Centre free people. It gives me hope that one day, I will get the news that I`m leaving. I`m hoping and living in hope that one day it will come, then El Renacer will become an History.
We had a pack from London, and it was what one will like to watch in jail, bashment gigs video and other musical videos, films and some books to read. Watch bit of it and some of the video brought memories of home. On my bed, thought of my life just before 18th Sept 09 when I left for the fateful trip… well, one thing I know for sure, my being here is two sided, curse and blessing. Not good to be lock up when you`ve got young kids who wants you around as they feel secure and protect by your mere presence. And a wife at home pregnant, if she is the not the faithful type then start thinking of another life when time is done. But the good side of the sword, if I was outside, think it would have taken an ambulance trip to the Hospice before I realize how bad my health was, and losing the amount of weight I have lost since I got here, would have taken me more time and loads of work out. But here, act of thinking and being depressed and the initial sight of food here, caused my weight to plummet drastically, the backache and numbness of my legs are all gone, my blood pressure is dropping. I feel really good as I can do so much of what I have never done in years. Jog, run, play football and Basketball. I guess being here as made brought me to sense of inward searching of myself and my person. What I want and what my purpose in life are. I bet I can beat the system by making good use of it while it last. I had thought one had all the time when lock up. But now as time goes so fast, I realize that may not be an actual truth.

We had our normal rich food as that is the only time of the day we eat good, 2 pieces of chicken drum sticks with rice, used the lentils from my diet food and made us cool aid with fresh oranges. We have run out of fruits; hope we get some this weekend. Things happens in the centre, and mostly with the church enthusiasts, the Pastor (an Inmate) with the Panamanian Pentecostal church which happens to be my church but only on Thursdays when the Americans are here. He also sells the Soda and Ice in the centre, met up with him and ask him for a bag of ice and a bottle of Malt drink to pay him on Saturday, he bluntly told me no, but I can see him give to his fellow Panamanians and writing down their names, which most end up not paying and he won`t do nothing about it. The same pastor is the one who always bring his offering basket to my cell as he knows I and most foreigners are cheerful givers. Guess next time he comes around with his basket will remind him of that Tuesday. Spoke to his second who speaks good English about what happened, he wasn`t happy as my credibility with him is high and good. He called me later on if I still need the ice and drink, told him no.

Well, being a foreigner here pisses them off as they think we have money more than they do which is most cases are lies, the thing here, we don`t dress in expensive new clothes all time and designers trainers as they do. And most of know how far we are from home so we only use our money for necessities. Most foreigners don`t do drugs with the exception of the Italians and some Spaniard.
Well, the day is gone and night time is nigh…. did some Spanish lesson and duck under my covers praying for sleep to take me quickly. 

Monday, 01 February 2010 (01022010). A new month and still here in Renacer, wish one day I will wake up to my bed in my bedroom. But, today woke up to a text by a loved one wishng me a happy new month and praying God to see me through. I have never felt better as I feel this morning, got up and pick up our BF, for two days now the BF guys been shortening our rations we don`t always get the complete BF. They just hand in Bread without the Cheese or something to go by and no crema (the Custard like thing) or Oats. Gotta meet up with them and let them know that there are people in my cell that will like their BF complete.

Over the weekend, it was hectic and it went really fast, did loads of reading, my novel and other materials. I think my incarceration has made me discovered that I`m a fast and good reader. Went into the old kitchen and found more books of interest that I will love to read. Think I will devout more time to reading, now that we have permission for laptop in my cell, can also do loads of writing and online publishing. Will try to get mine send down to me ASAP.

I`m damn broke, no money and these brats are still on me for one dollar to either buy shag or joint, some come with really pity in their eyes, I did like to give, but the fecking thing is I don`t bloody have. My English mate ordered food stuffs as he was expecting money from Jesus`s Mum (please don`t get confused, as she ain`t Mary the Bible talks about, once wondered why the Spanish should be naming people Jesus, guess the name is too sacred for us the Anglophones to use) I also ordered green plantain. Jesus went up after his visit and there was no money for my mate. I was hoping to get my twenty bucks from him and also sort out some of my debts. But since there was no money, what can I do.  On Sunday went up to my former mate, the guy I had the brawl with asked him to lend me a Tenner and he did. Now I have begun to realize many things, after the fight with him that early hour due to me reading late. We have both became closer as he cuts my hair and he is the only one I can ask for certain amount of credit. Others will never want to lend me or if they will, then I`ll be paying back with interest. Watch the UK`s premier league as my team Manchester United trashed the stingy Arsenal who wouldn`t spend money to upgrade their team. Was so happy, how I could murder a bottle of red for the victory, my English mate and I are both Man U fans, so we celebrated the victory together. Hung my Man U jersey on the door to our cell…… guess that will piss off the Panamanians who are mostly Barca, Real Mad, Chelsea and Arsenal fans!!!

There`s security in knowing that you have some money with you in place like this. On Sunday woke up early but just lie on bed till late in the afternoon. Then it occurred to me that I promised myself that I will get in shape as soon as I get better. And that was it, got up and dressed up. Went out, did some stretches and started by walking the Football pitch and then jogging. After some rounds, played some basketball and played real active football with the guys, many were astounded seeing me, as most had seen me from the day I came into the centre, that I limp-walked. Well, if there are miracles, then mine is one, I knew I had serious disc problem on my lower back and it`s been years I did any of those things I did today. In the past, I trained in the gym, but then it was mostly workout, but not running or playing ball games. But today I did all those. Couldn`t be happier with myself for what has happened. During the football game, I could feel how bad my health was, my heart was burning and I was panting for air, then I know I have to do loads of Cardio exercises to get in shape and get my breathing rhythm back in the right tempo.
After the football game, went to the gym and did some work out, some torso and bicep. And bit of sit ups. Was glad with myself as the whistle went up for lock down, on that Sunday I learned things that I have never knew or thought: ALARM SYSTEM


There are couple of geese in the prison compound and I always see one of the inmates walked them out every morning and evening before lockdown. But it never occurred to me why they are here, always thought that they belong to the Director, as one will see in movies about latin American prison, the Jefe owning farms, animal farms and having the prisoners work for him, while he smoke his Cohiba and zip his Mojito or Anejo. Well it wasn`t like that here in Renacer. I guess in Peru where one of my Country man spend some years in jail it was like we see in latin American movies. The Commandante runs the prison and every Friday he get booze in from his restaurant outside and sell them to the inmate, my mate even had a refrigerator stocked with booze and was even operating a call centre in jail. Had his girl visit him twice weekly for some good romping, think he will miss being in Peru. As we don`t have all those in Panama.
But on this Sunday I found out that the Geese are actually the PRISON ALARM SYSTEM. They are let loose around the Anexo area at night and once anyone try to escape, one movement and presence will stir them and you hear them gaggling thus alerting the cops and wardens. What an alarm system, each time I see them I always think of foie de gras (hope I got that rightly spelt, the French pate made from geese livers that had been forced fed), well so many people are against that tradition, but then I think so many traditions and cultures made go same line, like Bull fights, Dog Fights, Cockerel Fights and locking me up far from my family… the last is a big joke.

In Europe and the West, money are spent on the most high tech security systems, when they can just get some geese to do the watching and guarding, thus saving the tax payers thousands of dollars. Well one disadvantage of having geese here, one day, some hungry fellow will have them in his pot of soup as the Panamanians eat anything edible. I have seen some of the guys did a fast one on one the Prison`s Pigeon, the unlucky bird wasn`t looking when one of the guy wrapped his hands around it and straight to his big bag, and upstairs he went with his catch. When I asked him the next day what happen to our feathery friend, he pointed to his big one pack belly…. he made soup with it. I have seen them eat all sort of animals, who knows, one day, they don`t start eating each other.

This morning, I got up and dress up for my training, did some walking and then jogging before I hit the gym and did some work out, after that shower and had my BF. Got some text from my Schat, “She want to talk”, I hate it when she says that, I want to talk… it could be anything, right now, I know it ain`t about no girlfriend as there`s none. Well I think I have a bit of idea of what we will talk, I guess about things she has to sell and things she need send to me.

We finally talked, first a bit of argument, but as it is with Husband and wife, they will always settle and come to point of kissing and lovemaking and making up. We got to that point but no lovemaking as we are miles away from each other. But I can feel her and I know she feel me too.  I love her to bits, now I realized how much I love her, then I just couldn`t show it. I guess I was being too manly and refused to let my feminine side show as that is the side that show how weak a man is, mostly in expressing your true desire and feeling on someone you love and care. I feel jealous, but always try to hide it and pretend not to. I know she loves me too and my kids are so wonderful as they can`t stop expressing their love towards me. But my boy, I wonder if he will refund my dowry for his mum and take her as he is always on her and always telling her how much he loves her. I guess he is having the feeling that someone new is coming to take over his place as the baby of the house. So he`s doing all he can to keep mum`s love….. soon he will realise that it`s too late, but he is always love as he is my only son and the house will soon become a ladies den. For my daughter, she wouldn`t mind having the whole house painted in Pink. She loves Pink….

Mistakenly had my phone out while texting and one the custodio came in, saw me, but gave him the plea and he walked on. He understands that I understand the system now, grease their hands at interval and they overlook you. I`m beginning to get acquainted with how things work here, but no matter how one think is ok, always watch your back, mostly when you see the Panamanians walk towards you in group, they fight and do things in group, if there is knife fight, as a group one will do his job and pass on the knife and it will vanish into thin air, untraceable……
Monday has just begun…… Thank God for today, First day of February 2010, My daughter will be 5 years old on the 17th, I just ordered a 50 Pound Mark and Spencer voucher for her when I got online on Saturday, Schat will get her something beautiful. My mates were surprise how I did it, well I build up points with my Eurostar frequent travellers membership and they will expire soon, so had the option of ordering 12 Bottles of Red wine, well would have gone for the wine, but Schat wanted the voucher and I also thought of what she can get my lil Angel for her Birthday. I know she will have a lovely day, though without me, will do my best to talk to her especially on that day as she knows loads now and ask loads, and will be prepared for her questions.

In the other room in the library, my English mate is auditioning prospective casts for his film; I have told him to put more interest in learning Spanish as it will bridge the cap between him and the Panamanians. He assists in the English class, I told him to use that as his basics in learning Spanish, I`m doing self-study and I know how good I am now as many people comment on my fast learning.
Today is so hot, it`s like the Sun has move closer to Renacer, was outside reading, but just couldn`t stand the heat, had to move into the Library and do some blogging.
One of the gamer from my block is waiting, gotta let him use the pc. The day went so fast, pray it goes on like this everyday, I guess once one is busy with things to do, the day seems to go fast. Met one of the BF guys, told him that we want our BF complete, well when I say complete Breakfast, I don`t mean Hash brown, fried eggs, boiled Tomatoes and sausages as one will get in Complete British BF. But here, we do have our own sort of complete BF. He promised to be giving us our complete BF. Used the opportunity to buy three Snickers Chocolate bars from him on Credit, here when you lend money or buy things on credit, they always want to know when you will pay. Told him end of the week as I`m sure will get some money before then.
Lock down time, some of the boys from pabellion been on my arse for money, told them bluntly I don`t have money, guess it is hard for them to comprehend how an extranjero doesn`t have money. The bathroom was filled with men, most taking their second shower of the day. Lately the water has been going off in the evening, so no one really want to take chances, had my shower and back to the cell.

While my mate prepare our diner, got up my book and did some reading, was still tired from the training today as it has been a long time I allowed my body to go through such stress. I felt sleepy, decided to take a power nap, and was awoken by noise in the cell. One of the Custodio came in for a quick search, so funny as my phone was beside me on the bed, heard my mate told him I`m sick since I was sleeping and he knew my phone was not hidden. Was lucky as the Dude didn`t find my phone, but took our charger, that we will get back with five bucks. Guess they need some money as their shift will be ending on Wednesday. And we are all bloody broke now, no money so they have to deal with that.

We had our diner, devoured mine as I was starving, and had cool aid, no orange or ginger to make my local brew of authentic juice.

My English, been taking on our Mossad agent, asked him about profiling people, if he was thought that, the guy so believe in loads of bullshit, I wondered what sort of drugs the yanks had him on. Hope he comes out of it some day.

My mate was at the Dentist that day as he had tooth infection, the Dentist checked him and told him it was pretty bad, he was given an anti-biotic injection and placed on medication, he asked me to check the expiry date on the drug, did check and it was Feb 10, which means it got some few weeks before it expires. Was scare, had to check all mine, well with mine, most of my drugs are bought by my Consul with my money or sent down by my Schat, was rest assured that mine is well. Learnt that night of how people were killed by using expired drugs that was issued by Doctors in the prison, well, one has to be watchful and alert.

In my whole existence, I have never had so much injection as I have here in Panama, since my incarceration had taken more than fifteen injections. Many have been for the pain on my back and legs, but none helped. I pray I don`t fall sick again, as I know how it is to be sick here. No one give a damn shit of what happens to anyone, one dead body is one mouth less for the Govt to feed.

The night came slowly, got a text from my Schat, replied her and I know she was tired from her text. Did some reading before I slumped in my bed and into dreamland and hope for a pleasant dream.


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