MY BATTLE WITH ILLNESS AND HOW I CAME THROUGH IT……

Friday, 29 January 2010. I`m so strong and healthy now, as my weight has dropped, so also my backache. Ssometimes I think the body adjust to the condition around. It must have come to know that over here, medical attention won`t be coming that easy, so it has to adjust and stay healthy. I will be resuming my training soon as I get my training Gloves and Belt, hope to stay fit till the day I will leave here. Woke up as usual to pick up BF and back to sleep, text from my Schat, it`s always sweet reading from her in the morning, went back to sleep and up around 9am, hurried up as I have a 10am appt with the dentist for my teeth.

Had my breakfast and the herbal drink I made from the leaves given to me by the Spaniard who said it will help reduce my Blood Pressure. I was about leaving when I mistakenly ran the table that has been waiting for someone to knock it down. It all went down. My mate got up and we tried tying it up, can`t send it out for repairs as it is our hiding place for our phones. We called on one of the Spaniard who is handy and he took it to get it done. It was fixed and he charged us 4 bucks, my mate paid 2 while I will pay the balance.

Up to the gate and for my appointment, my doc was in his office as I got in, gotta wait a while as he was busy. When he finally called me in, I can see the expression on his face that he was happy with my recovery; guess he will attribute that to his effectiveness. Took the last injection and sat out with my novel as I watch the ships sail by the Canal, wondered how many ship sail through that Canal everyday, guess many. Some beautiful ones and massive ones, and more cruise ships sailed by with their passengers waving at us, my kids will love the view of the ships just as my son had developed interest and love for Planes, Choppers and Rockets.

Got me a cola and on with my novel until the Dentist sent for me, went in and there was this dude who had an appointment also, because I pay, mine was more important and he was told to come back on Saturday morning.  I doubt the Dentist would be in on Saturday. The guy protested that he needs a written note so that the Custodio will let him in. But the Dentist was smarter than this jail rat. He convinced him to hang around the gate as early as 8am, when he comes he will see him and he will talk to the Custodio to let him in. The guy agreed and left.

Took my place on the Dentist chair, kinda panic as I know anything to do with Dentist is with pain. He looked through the broken teeth and others. The rest were perfect, most will need cleaning, started working on the broken two and when we were done, checked on the mirror it wasn`t bad at all. Told me they could last for a decade, which will be fine for 50 Bucks. Paid him and with my last dough. All this while there was this young lady sitting and chatting with him and Marco, thought she was his assistant or one of the girls from admin, she asked Marco loads of questions about Germany and other Country in Europe, The Dentist has a big poster of a Swiss Village on the wall, could hear her say she likes to live in a place like that. Then she asked where I came from, Marco told her. She asked me about my place. Said it`s cold and nice, she talked about what she has heard about certain things that are legalize. Well I said, they make life worth the living.

Went out and sat with my book reading and sipping from my cola, one of the custodio came and sat by me and we had some chat, men talk, he asked about women in my country. Said they are beautiful and tall, he will like to travel to Europe someday. Hope he saves loads of money and mostly from the ones he gets from us the foreigners.
When Marco came out, was able to ask who the lady was, he told me she was the Dentist Daughter, hope Marco wasn`t having a go, I assume she is married as she had her rings on. The guy who called Mateo for me the other day brought some peas and gave it to Ariel, heard him say a dollar, when Ariel finally got down asked him what he got and how much he said 2 Bucks, told him to sell them to me, he said he was sending it to his mum. Did he say, he was sending it to his mum outside, now I know why most Panamanians act up the way they do. I remember one the smallie called BamBam, once asked me for money when he was going out, asked then why he need money, he said he has to give it to his mum, guess his mum doesn`t think that he has a paid job in Renacer. How he got his name, as I heard he like to Bambam…. sound of gunshot. He should be 21 years of age and very small with knife scars all over his body, wonder what he will be like when he is 44 years of age like my Gold teeth prospective business partner. Got tired of sitting up there and went in, at the gate, nobody was there to open up; maybe I should go back to my sit. The door was eventually open and went in. Someone saw the cola and called me, I knew it was for the Cola, told him will see him later. Wanted to drop it first in my cell, and then come out to play or talk…

As soon as dropped in the cell, it was like someone was waiting for me to come in. I  went out to make a call, got back, the cola was gone to the bottom. Well, that`s what one sees in a place like this. You have to share everything.

Most evening our Mossad agent guy has been entertaining us with his tales of what he used to be, I hope it wasn`t the yanks that did this to him, as that is very bad. He does not even wash his clothes, every Sunday during his visit; he wraps them and give them to his family to do the washing. One can tell just from that he is mashed up in his brains, if he can`t perform basic functions and enjoys kids TV…  but he is okay.
And Pepe, our 61 year old bank Robber – he loves a particular advert, not for the message but for the pretty girls and their sexy clothing’s. What a old perv, he is one nice old man, been picking up my diet meal which I rarely eat and I`m the only one he always ask for things in the cell, even money which I don`t lend him, but give. Asked him once if his son that was released on New Year`s day does call him, he said no. Well, I think no son in their right sense would want to have a dad who is spending time at the same time with you in Jail. I hope when I`m done here, I will be able to use my knowledge for something positive and lay good example for my son. Will smack his arse if I see him tread this part, I know he won`t.

Well, Friday is almost done, text between my Schat and we talk briefly, had the kids on phone also. They were happy to have me on phone as my daughter asked after me and that she will like to talk to me. Guess the talking is helping me loads and drawing us very close. How I miss them like the desert miss the rain…….

We had a nice diner with Fish, the beans were bit salty, had my vegetable from my diet meal with the rice. It was ok but not one of our perfect meal. Hope we get loads of vegetable here; I should buy that during my next shopping.

The water stopped, thank God we are well prepared like Boys Scout are… Earlier on Thursday morning, made my mate change the water as they had been there for days. He did it, sometimes he acts a bit lazy, told him he has to be tough while here.
Earlier today while I was upstairs, they had auditioning for a film, hope the director will put more zeal to get the film shot as soon as possible. Read through the English script, told my mate that certain slangs he used are only used in The UK and not here not even in the states. Hope he correct them.
To my bed with my book…..

Thursday, 28 January 2010. Woke up from a dream, was in an office and got my Passport stamped and I told them, I will travel to my home Country and not London. I hope one day soon I get to go. It was 5.11am and my Schat had text me, she knew I will be awake by then, how surprising and how my body clock works these days always on time. I used the Loo and later picked up the BF, made myself my leaves brewed, it reminded me of the Moonshine made in the centre by the Panamanians, they could be very strong, wonder how their liver handles such strong and potent stuffs. I tried it once and made up my mind never to try drinking things like that again.

Back to sleep and up exactly 8am and went to the library, the guys in charge were not there, met our Paedo friend waiting, who is seeking redemption like everyone here by carrying and walking around with his Bible and bag full of books. I didn`t know the content of his bag until this morning. When we got into the library, while he was fumbling with the computer, his bag drops and spilled its content on the floor, all that came out didn`t make sense, pieces of papers and a plastic spoon and dirt’s, wonder why he walk around with his spoon. Someone walked in that almost made me laugh, thought of him some seconds ago and here he comes in with his Chair, not in the Library, we have loads of chairs here, but he came in with his chair, his Bible and his notebook. He had our Paedo friend help write some things in Spanish. He left and didn`t take his chair with him, guess he will be back, as he can`t be parted from his chair.
Wondered, who planned these building allocating the music studio next door to the library and on the library walls one can see notice demanding silence inside the Library. What an irony, the guys in the studio don`t give a damn as they blast their music so high, well, I have gotten use to reading under this condition as in my cell, it`s the same except late at night or early in the morning.

Thursday has just begun, got my injection to take and the real appointment with the Dentist. Back to my cell, had my shower and breakfast, while eating my mate woke up to the music of Chilli Pepper which the other English mate left playing on the dvd, all I heard was who`s got this white boy music running here. Guess he knows who did, I think by now my mate should realise that for now such music ain`t welcome here in the cell. I love diverse genres of music as I listen to each on different mood. But one has to adapt to a new environment for one`s security and not running into people. Both mates are English, but one grew up in the states and among blacks of Jamaican Origin and the other grew up in England and in a white setting. He even walks as a white boy, acts like one, that one of my country man noticed his ways and told me in front of him and a kiwi, that he`s a white man in a black skin. He`s a nice guy and we have forged a great bond of friendship between each other, I hope he is genuine and a true friend.
Went up for my appointments, and got up, the dentist checked my teeth and offered to fix my broken incisors which he said will cost me $25 each instead of $200 outside on the normal practice. Well that`s the good thing with prison, cheap service, his little helper Marco the German guy who is been here for 4 years plus and doesn`t know his fate, said he is a good dentist and he will fix it very good. Will take him for his words, we later found out that the Doc`s door was locked, but we were able to get in and I had my injection. The suggestion on how to open the door was given to us by one Ariel, a Panamanian who is in for dangerously driving a bus and killing his passengers when the bus caught fire. I asked Marco what his job up there was, he told me he cleans the area, but he seems to do more than that. I tried to ignore him sometimes. He always wants to create the impression of knowing and one which will portray him as he works directly with the doctor. This time he told us that we can get into the doctor`s surgery without keys and we did.

Got my injection and we left, the dentist had the slip signed, left one more to take and that will be it.
The teeth will be done on Friday after my last injection, then my Que so pa Doc will be back from wherever he went to.

Saw some guys from the green area, sent for my Swedish friend Mateo, he finally came and we talk a great deal about loads of things, life up there and down where I am presently. From all he said, the green area is much better than the main area where we are house. He`s got a cell to himself and he even had a refrigerator, rub shoulders with ex ministers and top bankers. Have decent discussions and has access to his cell whenever he want to as he has copy of the keys. The wardens doesn`t disturb them as they do down here. I guess that will be a place I will love to move into. I`m always thinking when my mate, the Brit that grew up in the states leaves, how it will be like down here, as he`s been here for a long time that even the hardest of Panamanians respects him and the Wardens also respect him. Well till then, God will take care of things, and I hope by then, I will fit in properly into the Panamanians and life here. Mateo and I spent part of the day up there talking and sitting beside us was jack from Anexo, he spoke German with Marco and Spanish fluently, I was curious and asked him where he came from, he said Panama. How he learned all the languages, he said he is an old geezer in the game. The he said something in French, we talk about the system, told him I do speak French also, and we spoke few sentences in French until he finally said in French that he is Canadian from the French part. He is in for you know what, and he is been at the centre for one and half year without trial yet. He said he loves the system. Well, I think he knows more Prison walls than I do as he has done time in England and who know where else, so I tried to let him leave.

While up there, out in the population area, the sun was blazing hot, the field was empty except for our crack head gringo Shepherd, he was walking round the football pitch under the heat of the sun playing his Harmonica and stopping at intervals to twist his locks. I remembered his previous episode then with a back pack on, I guess it`s that time of the Month for him, don`t mean to say he is having his periods. Guess something to do with his Crack. It`s either high on it or something close to that, as no normal person will be walking under the hit of the sun at that time of the day. My Swedish couldn`t help laughing his head off, what a show in Renacer.

When Mateo and I finally parted, went back to my area and at the same time were group of church visitors to the Evangelical church, mostly ladies, and they were all middle aged normal church zealot types. But they made the mistake by dressing on skirts, which is not what a woman should wear when coming into a place like this. One could tell how the men in the centre will react and what was on their perverted minds. All eyes were set on the women, as if they can undress them with just their looks. What a pervert they all are, they won`t see anything in the message of hope brought to them by these beautiful ladies, but all they want to see was any opening in their clothing’s. God have mercy on them.

The few days I have been opportune to go up there, I have seen the ladies at the admin working hard on the educational program, I hope many of the Panamanian will truly follow up with the training program come March this year as that was the purpose they were sent in here from wherever they were.

Back in my cell, my mate was making soup, soup in Panama is quite different from soups we have in Europe, so many things are dumped into the soup pan, my joy is that some are recognizable and edible. Saw text from my Schat, she wants the kids say hi to me, call her and briefly and she rang back, spoke with my two Little Angels, my son was busy with water in his mouth and he is learning to use two words when answering question like Yes daddy, heard he wants anything his sister wants, he wants to be on television. Made the biggest mistake to ask mummy that he wants to go to television and mummy told him there`s one big TV in the Living room, he should walk into it. If my daughter was there and heard that, she will laugh her head off. That was naughty of mummy playing with my boy`s feeling. Asked my baby girl why she wants to be on Television and what she will do there. Well, I think she has idea of what she wants. She said she will play her Piano, told her that she has to practice everyday and be very good. When she plays as good as her teacher, she will be on television, she was so happy. I gave her a good hope and I pray I will be out there soon. I will help her live up that dream, she is such a sweet girl, all grown up now and knows how to talk and ask questions loads, that`s one part I sort of don`t want when we talked. Miss them loads xxxx.

When back to my cell and had some soup, it was bad at all, told my mate, he would have made that for me when I was sick. The only thing lacking was chilli, which I dropped few into mine, had a second bowl. We had loads of Panamanians in our cell all for the soup. That`s the thing with my mate, he likes to cook and share with them, we did that on Xmas and New year, but the Panamanian will never do that.
The day will soon be over, nothing much to do, gotta continue with my novel and see what comes up later today.

So much to talk about Panama, sometime ago I made mention of how the media will ruin business for the tourism industry with its airing of death and violence on Television everyday. I guess the President noticed that also, in one of the submit with other Latin American country during a press conference, he did mention it, that the Television Networks are in Competition of who shows the most dead bodies every night, once read of a Brazilian crime TV host who was accused of hired killing, always the first to be at the crime scene and having the incidents aired on his program, that really helped boost his rating as he had many viewers. But along the line he was caught, I guess that was cold, well these are things that could happen in Latin America. Well in panama, there is no day without report of someone being stabbed or killed and more tourists are coming, guess not just for nature, but also for cheap sex. I guess there are more women on the streets as their men are all locked up in jail. I guess most tourists here are sex tourists and some are peados as well.

I have seen more than eight people who are locked up for more than seven years now without trails and they are still waiting. People spend years waiting for court appearance and some are in for doing nothing. I hope I don`t get to wait that long, should hold my lawyer for his words that he will get me to court within six Months. Mateo also hold that believe, but with Panama judiciary system, anything is possible. It`s all about who you know and who he or knows and who that person knows and so it continues, you just gotta know someone or know someone that knows someone who knows someone that knows people or belong to that group of power brokers. That`s why we need private lawyers but now so many doubts hangs in the air, no one to trust. Then we turn to heaven and that`s the one that knows everyone. In Him I take solace and plea my cause.

One the custodio walked in and look around, I know he`s looking for phones, they are in from Wednesday and they are the money making set, that always come on us foreigners for our phones and expect money from us. Well, one day, we won`t be here anymore, but then there will still be foreigners coming and finding their way into El Renacer and they will meet this fate here.

I feel more better and relieve now, the fever has gone and aches also, but gotta be more careful as something more threatening and vicious is out there “Chicken Pox”, first saw it on one of the guys at the Pabellion and as his was waning another picked it from him and happened to be one of the boys that used to come to me for a dollar. Thank God he stayed away from me when he picked that, I`m doing my best to stay away from them and from that area until the pox has been contained. A big joke!!! Hope it doesn`t spread down to the Galeria area where I am. Who knows what else must be going around? The Panamanians here barely have any sense of personal hygiene, one will be drinking and they will begged for same drink and seeing that there`s no cup, want to share from the bottle or same cup with you. I always drink what I want and give the rest to them. Or take them in and get a cup for them, damn can`t afford to play with my health after what I just went through. I have seen cases of people eating from one sandwich and once one asked me to give my chicken, gave him all. But when they get theirs they won`t share, good as they don`t.

Weekend is at the corner…. guess out in the real world; students are starting theirs today and workers from tomorrow evening. Over there is no sense of that, one only tell that from visits on Saturdays and Sundays, and when the Library is close. Then you know it`s weekend and Sunday is always a dull day.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010. Was awoken by the call to stashed our phones as there was search upstairs, they didn`t turn up, we know someday it will be our turn. In prison, one has to stay at alert all time. Had an orange and later my tea and my mate made Pancake which was really filling. Went up to the gate for my appointment to see the doc for another bout of the injection, well since the doors were opened late today, the Dentist who is suppose to attend to me had a busy time as he was behind his schedule. He couldn`t see me, couldn`t get what the guy that works up there was saying. Pick up my slip and went to the Library to do some reading.

Was on the computer when the guy that sold me razor blade came calling me that I`m needed upstairs, guess by the dentist. This guy that sell blades and all sort of shaving stuffs, walks around with his Chair and couple of books and his Bible, when you say a word in English he writes it down hope he checks up the meaning also, but the Chair thing, I can`t understand, whenever you see him, you see him with his chair. I think he`s got something with chairs.

Sitting in the Library on the computer until I was sent for by the Dentist, left and went up for my third injection. Up there, both the dentist were looking for the Doctor Assistant to open the practice door he eventually came up and let us in. He took my blood pressure which seems to be going down now and then the Dentist came in and had my injection. We went to his office, then I realise that I have 5 injections to take, just had three and he signed behind the slip and the usual word, take it easy.
Left his office and sat outside to enjoy the fresh air and the view of the Canal, two cruise ship came cruising and can see the passengers waving. The Spaniard who promised to give me some leaves he said he used and it helped lower his Blood pressure came up and we went to the Police who opened the External  gate, he went out got me few of the leaves. When we got to my cell, he washed some and boiled them as one will do with herbal tea. I filter it and drank, hope it works, my mate got me ice cream, finished that and went out for fresh air, met Hugo my Panamanian buddy, who offered to buy me the local brew juice, decided to ask the dude selling it what is the content. Like every dealer or salesman who wants to sell his products, he told me how good it is and all natural, well took him for his words and drank my juice. I prefer it to the soda sold in the centre and he is one the guys I always get orange from. But despise him as one will when you step on someone else`s shit. He loves money more than anything, I have heard how orange how cheap in Panama but he sells me eight for a dollar. I need it for my juice so I`m forced to buy them.

Carlos, the Dude who cried that he will be kill if he doesn`t pay his debt, met me outside, he was with one of the youth who always come out early to steal things from my previous cell. Carlos told me, if I want him death, hell no I said, why must he die. Guess him dead will do take one leech off me, but I see him as someone who will watch my back, but you can never trust Panamanians.

Later that evening he came to my cell, I was lying on the bed reading, heard him asked my mates if I was in and they told him I`m lying down and he asked if I`m sleeping, they made the mistake to tell him no. I went out to meet him at the door. He was shouting and trying to say the words right in English, You are my father, Mother, brother and sister. I asked him what he wants, this time he wanted Sugar, told him to get a container, well my buddy look around the next bin and picked out a biscuit wrapper and I gave him all that was in the container as we have more in the storage box. He left saying I`m his brother. I hope he enjoys it and better stay off me for a while.

My schat and it talk a bit and text each other, she is a bit relieve as I`m getting better now. My Daughter still holds on to her dream on being on television, hope to speak with her soon. And my Schat, she doesn`t eat much lately as she is full quickly, hummm, she has the biggest food that doesn`t digest, kinda laugh, told her to eat bit by bits as many times as she can and also power foods. As she will be eating for two people, they are all waiting, most especially my daughter, she wants the baby to be her pet. Told my Schat, careful, now that someone wants your baby as pet, with my son, I think he will know what he is into once his mum is always carrying someone else and not him, then he will realise that he had been displaced and someone has taken over his Baby position in the house.

My mate that cooks didn`t cook anything, guess we don`t have meat, he made something for himself and the other Panamanian mate, I made sort of Soup and Porridge with Plantain and other things. It was nice, my English mate, he is a bad cook, remembered telling him once to boil my plantain couple of days ago. Today he had to make something for himself, he cut up the plantain in 3 pcs and halved each, asked him if he was boiling or frying, he said frying. Asked him again if all the fried ones he has been eating comes up the way he cut his, he said no….. well, he knows how to cook Pasta just like everybody knows how to cook that. And he does make tea, since he is Brit. He offered me his food, told him no and nobody wanted it.
Back to bed and read a bit, then sleep took me…….

Tuesday, 26 January 2010. Up to the library and thank God that I made it through the fever ordeal and all the pains and moreover for my Consul, wondered what would have happened if she didn`t call the Director. Well, guess God knows better, I don`t pray for the worst. Will be going up for the second injection and 2 more pills for the pains and fever, I have lost so much weight, guess that is good as my disc problem is sort of relieving now. Guess weight also contributed to that, I`m happy for the weight lose but should it take body and mind breaking condition to loose weight? Guess not, My original jeans drops from my waist and my slimmer mate`s jeans does fit me very well now. Had my shower and drank a cup of my local brewed Ginger/Green Tea before going up to the Clinic.

Got to the gate and was opened for to see the Doctor, when I got to the clinic, found out that the Doc wasn`t in today (it was the same Doc who when he saw me 2 days after I first met him with my Lower back problem; used the street slang “¿Que so pa Loco?” meaning “What is it Crazy?”) well, we hear that from almost everyone in the centre and on Television, not yet from the President. But I wasn`t expecting to hear that from a Doctor, later found out that one should not take the words for its literally meaning.
Up at the Clinic, The Doc was not on duty that day, met his new assistant who had since taken over from the Cigarette smuggling sacked assistant, who I also heard that he was gay. Wrong place to be gay, working with vulnerable youths (Boys), who knows what must have happened here which many of us don`t know. Anyway the new assistant who happen to share same name with me, Roberto received me with smiles, but I was damn sure he won`t bring any needle close to my butt. From the way he handles things one can tell he does not even know how to take blood pressure. Was glad when he told me that the Doctor will come in to attend to me, then wondering which doctor, finally, the Dentist came in. I was scare as I know pain has been associated with dentist. He spoke to me in Spanish, but with the state of mind I was, the only words that came out of my mouth were in English and he responded back in English and was happy to speak it with me. And he said the one phrase all Panamanians like saying “Take it easy”. I should be the one telling him that, as he was going to something delicate on my body. The Assistant couldn`t even find all the stuffs needed to mix the drugs, had to show him, it was nice I took note of what the doctor did on Monday, I guess in a place like this, one had to be very curious and alert to everything around you. He finally got the mixture and injected me, well it was painful but for a moment, was scare, but her the spot massage and went back to bed. Before leaving used the opportunity to ask him for an appointment for a dental check up which he gave me for Thursday 28th January at 10am in the morning. I hope it won`t be a painful experience.

Back to my cell and slept through till late evening, phone call from my Schat and we talk about loads of things and how I`m doing now. She told me of my Daughter and her latest desire: She wants to be on television, well told my schat, he has a big dream, she never knows, one day she will live out that dream.

Watched a nice movies with my mates; Taken, how a man kept his promise to his daughter when she was kidnapped in Paris that he will come and get her. He did go for her and along the way heads rolled. And she eventually remembered his promise “You came for me”.
Read some pages from my new book and dozed off, only to be awoken early Wednesday by someone who came to inform us of search going up in the Papillion. We stashed our phones, the trick about hiding phone, take out your sim card even if the phone is found and taken, and you still have your number. BF came and gone and we waited all morning for the doors to be open. They eventually opened the door around 11am, guess nobody to ask why and we have no right to ask.

Monday, 25 January 2010, Today makes me 4 Months in incarceration in El Renacer Panama. I have talked so much about the good side of El Renacer, almost forgetting the bad side. Apart from the Panamanians leeching, bad food and other things that makes it a prison. One more thing is don`t ever fall sick, one can easily kick the bucket here as the medicare is absolute rubbish, nobody care or give a damn, mostly when you are a foreigner. They expect one`s Embassy to take care of their sickos. But I believe once you have someone locked up, you are taking up responsibilities to keep that person in good health. Well not in Panama, all the time that I have been to the Doctor and get prescriptions, I have to buy them myself. That the Embassy does and not for free, but with my money, my blood pressure had to be sent from home by my Schat. Now back to my current situation, firstly, I have read a bit about the human body in a biology text I found in the library, it`s amazing how fragile and at the same time how sturdy and defensive it can be. From what I experienced since the fever, high temperature and pains all over my entire body started. At one moment I thought I won`t make it through the night and the next moment the body is combating the illness.

The fever and pains had been on and off since Thursday last week, during the day, it drops and at Night I`m brought face to face with my maker. Sunday`s night to Monday`s was one I thought it would be over, my mates knew for now how sick I was, they offer to alert the wardens by making noise, told them I will hang on till the crack of dawn and up to the doctor. If I had known what will happen, I would have allow them to alert the wardens and I would have been taken to the Hospital.

The truth, I hate the Hospital, for the period one has to stay there, one is locked up without seeing daylight and the food comes in very cold. I dread the idea of going to hospital and being on admission there.

Went as early as I can to the Doctor, but at the gate, they won`t allow me up, they allowed all the Panamanians upstairs, the funny thing with the wardens, when they need things they always come to us foreigners as their fellow Panamanians are too selfish to share or give anything without getting something in return. Waited at the gate till the sun came up, then I knew I can`t stand it anymore, the pain in my head made me feel dizzy and fainting. Had to go in and lie down. Rang my Consul and explained my condition, she knew about it from the Volunteer that came to see me last week, bless her. She promised to call the director and inform him about my condition. I went back to the gate and nothing happen, back to my cell, my mate made me warm oat with raisons, tried eating a bit, but just couldn`t as the only thing I could take now is liquid.
Back to bed and felt some tingling on my left foot, when I drop it on the floor it quivered, was scared and had to call my consul again. She told me that she made the call 10mins before my call. The bed and room was uncomfortable, went out with the help of my mate and lie out under the shed, had a cup of the local brew juice, was refreshing. Fell asleep on the bench until one of the wardens came for me that I should go to the medics with him. Dragged myself up there and went to the Doctor, wondered where he got his certificate, his diagnosis was infection and he gave me antibiotic injection and 2 tablets for the fever and headache. My blood pressure was still high, kinda scary, hope it goes down. Well, since I`m down with fever, it could be the reason its gone high, hope I get better and then take measure of it again. Managed to get to the library and met my gamers on the computers, one left as he was confused about the system. He couldn`t even hold the mouse and point to the balls he want to shot, tried to help, but there was no strength left in me to explain to this dick head that he is to shoot balls of same colour and not just shooting at random. He was frustrated and left as he kept opening other programs by mistake. Took over his system and do a bit of update. Gotta hit my bed and wait for the medication to work its way through my body, hope it does as I’m beginning to doubt the efficacy of medicine prescribed or given by the doctor. I have to get some Vitamins and other food supplement to help boost my immune system.

My Schat has been so worried and drained psychologically and materially, she vented that in one of her text. Don`t blame her, I brought this on her, told her to minimize her calls, we should do more text, but she wouldn`t, I think we both need each other to remain strong. The calls sort of bridged the distance between us.

It`s so weird how the Panamanians reason, one of my buddy been up on my ass since yesterday to help him pay off some debt, was so mad at him as he was the one I gave $5 to get me credit and his man on the street sent me a $2 dollar worth, and that was it. No news about that, he`s been on me the whole day, had to raise his palm to feel my forehead how hot I was, and that I`m sick also without money. He shed some crocodile tears that the guy he owes will stab him, well I know the guy won`t do that, cause he is due to leave the system any moment from now. Close the door on him and went back to sleep….. Told him I don`t have and I`m not giving him a cent.

Back in the cell, slept for a while, when I woke up, found out that my temperature has dropped and was a bit relieve from the aches. I also noticed that I was having bad breath, guess that should be from my sinus as I have always have sinus problems. Well, thinking of the Doctor whatever he gave me, did worked as I felt a bit better in the course of the evening. But still haven`t found my appetite for anything solid, got rice in the evening, had a little and left the rest. Drank loads of water and juice, tried reading something positive and something to give me hope; The Bible and that was a big relieve.

My Schat and I were on text chat all evening and eventually she rang and we talked about loads. I know she is stressed, I told her to stay strong until she deliver our Baby as any breakdown in her state of mind will affect the unborn Baby`s health. She promised to be. Picked up a new novel by Robert Ludlum which I hope I will be able to finish ASAP as I`m getting better now. Watched Crank 2 and eventually hit my pillow. Woke up from a dream about what I just read from the Novel, what a weird incident, couldn`t sleep anymore as it was almost time for BF, they came up. Picked it up and it was Tuesday morning 26th January. Stayed awake until the Library opens….

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