LIFE IN THE SYSTEM

The weather has been very good and nice, no rain lately, loads of sun and we need it. The library was closed on Friday 11th of December as we had a program showcasing what goes on in the centre. Each inmate were allowed to invite 2 people in, songs were performed by some of the boys who has been spending time in the music studio and those working in the workshop outside displayed whatever they have been busy with. To other inmates it was time to caress and fondle their lovers, the most they can do, as security was tight, all doors to the cells were locked and the wardens were on full alert. Didn`t find any parent during the activity, guess it wouldn`t do know good having ones mother or father here, when they can get their girlfriend and do some touching. It ended well, and we, had a visit from our consul, which is always good and makes us feel special.

There was a big surprise waiting for me, what my other part sent, came in and the consul had some gift from an anonymous donor for us; Blue Shirts and Polo, which is the authorize colour used in the centre when going out for visit or any appointment.

It was so lovely seeing photos of my lovely family, had to suppress and hide the tears from coming out. The photos brought memories of good times I had with my family and how I long for it once more. Got enough medication for another 6 months, I´m like a mini pharmacy here in the centre.

The door to my cell has been broken and hasn`t been fixed for couple of days now, don`t know why? The door itself weighs more 200kg (Steel). Hope they will get it done as we are exhausted of pulling and dragging.

Days ago, met with a volunteer from an organisation working with detainees outside the homeland, she was nice and we talked about almost everything, she touched some sensitive issues about my life. Mistakes done and about family, she was helpful. She promised coming back after dropping a gift from the organisation for xmas.

Sunday, came and gone, spent most of the day indoor, reading and thinking about life on the outside and how I long for it, Guess that will be some light years from now. Do my best to keep the cell as clean as possible, but the other inmates don´t really bother about it, so long we keep up with our once in a week washing of the cell. Nobody really bother about the daily upkeep; try to keep it as clean as possible.

The hygiene of my cell mates bothers me, found out, most uses the toilet with washing their hands, makes me sick and want to change cell, hope I get that as soon as I can. Sunday evening wasn´t that good, as I notice most were sneezing and coughing, complaint of headache and fever. Hope nobody fall sick with Swine flu, being keeping myself protected with some dose of Vitamin C and Multivitamins. Gave one of the guy ibrupufen, hope it helps him. The other, we don´t talk much since we had our brawl some weeks ago. Been keeping an arm´s length from him and I guess he also. We try to avoid each other as much as we can. Someone woke up in the middle of the night and used the toilet, the sound he made brought my peaceful sleep to an end. Stayed awake with my pillow over my ears till he finished. Finally went back to my sleep. Dreams; can be very nice if they were real, lately, always finding myself on the outside. Hope it comes through.

Monday morning, woke and got to see the Doc for my injection, had to buy myself as they won´t provide. His Assistant had it done, back to the library for the Spanish lesson, wished the teacher will get guidelines on how to teach, as we keep repeating same lessons now for some time. While in class, text from my love with phone numbers from the universities in Panama, Thank God for her, she´s been great source of hope and strength all the way. Heard loads of stories how hearts got broken once one get in here, many had been dumped while banged up. But mine has decided to stand and stay by me, I believe she living to our vows the day we tied the knot. Thank God!!!

Hanging around to use one of the three computers, the boys here are fond of playing games and doing nothing else. Luckily a friend using one left for me to continue while he goes out for something. Time to update my blog, hope I get the laptop within the week so I can publish it. I´m hungry gotta eat something…. Finally, got the Mosquito net up on the window and that means ventilation. And the stench, strong odour in the cell will be reducing as we have a two way flow of air. Fried chicken and sausage for diner and loads of liquids, lemonade and water. Finally hit my bunker bed with Dan Brown`s Digital Fortress, couldn`t drop it as I have to finish it. Into the night and enjoyed every page of the novel, he is such a writer who knows how to keep his readers stuck to his book. Several texts to my love and no response, kinda worry why I have read from her, hope all is well.

Tuesday, 15th December; A new day, same routine, since the room is freshen up now, my mates are getting better, the sneezing has reduced and feverish conditions has gone down on some, hope they all get better soon. Rang my lawyer and he promised to get back to me on Wednesday on my statement with the state`s prosecutor. Hope he gets a date for me. In the library most of the day, Spanish lessons and rang some universities in panama for distance learning programs. Will be hear and reading from some, I hope I get one here and also a cheap one, I can afford. Call from a distance relation who care and want the best for me spiritually, being praying for me, thank God for people like her. Finally heard from my love, she wasn`t having credit on her phone to text back. Spoke with my Angels, missing me loads and can`t wait to hold them in my hands and hug them. Won`t let them slip from my hands again and never. Talked to my Brit friend on his project for the centre, nice idea and hope to work with him when things materialize, Waiting for the permission from the director of the centre. Will be leaving the library soon…. hope to continue tomorrow as the struggle continues!!!

Wednesday, 16 December 2009. Another come and gone, with the net up it has been a bit cooler, but still had to have my evening shower. Woke up several times before day break, and said a simple prayer, didn`t go for my second injection as it is not helping. Maybe will go for it tomorrow. Nothing special today, just that it is a different day. Got the things I ordered through Jose, he ripped me; well, that`s what ones should expect when you are locked up and have someone else to shopping for you and they all want to rip you. Guess that`s the last of me with him. He isn’t seeing my back anymore, on and off from the library, Hope I get the laptop tonight. Time off!!

Thursday, 17th December 2009, Didn`t get the lap top last night, The 3 guys left early for court and I hope 2 will get good news that they will be going home as they weren`t caught with anything. Had to stay indoor as the door was fixed today, finally we can now close our door while we are inside and stop these guys from just walking in and out. Some can be nuisance; they will walk into our cell, look around and walk out without saying a word. Most come in and view the things in the cell and what they can nick. Got hold of some magazines the US Embassy brought for some Americans at the centre. Don`t know what most Embassy expect or think of people locked up, bringing them The Economist, Newsweek, Times Magazine and Financial Times; guess they expect them to start trading in stocks while in jail. These guys didn`t even bother to flip a page, left all with me, was able to get some English news of what has been happening around the world and outside of the  centre. Back to the library, one the new boys don`t know how things are ran here, was making call in the library and the warden asked for his phone which he bluntly refused to hand over. He was cuffed and taken away, guess to be lock up in solitary, guess the warden meant business today, my Italian friend came to lend my phone to complete his call, and his phone was also taken while he was outside making call. Gotta be careful, things turned a bit nasty, heard that 3 other youths were picked up for violations, 2 ran after the warden with knife; don`t know what intentions they had, they were all locked up in solitary, guess they will be there for a long time. Sometimes the warden request for such youths to be transfer to the Maximum secured jail. Sort of edgy today, no laughs from the wardens, we stayed a bit more than normal, as the food came a bit late, was nice seeing the stars up in the sky. A very beautiful view, been quite a long time, I saw the night sky with stars; one wonder what lies beyond out there: sort of X-files feeling.

Finally, my three mates that went to court came back, there were no smiles on their faces, and two blamed the one that was caught at the airport, who took the cops to the hotel. In most countries in the world, it will be hard to convict anyone without substantial evidence linking one to the said offence. But not in Panama, like I said, one is guilty till proven innocent!!! Hope those two are exonerated from the case. But I doubt the Panamanian judiciary system, they are likely to spend couple of weeks or months before they even get the decision from the judge. Did loads of texting and read a bit before succumbing to sleep. It`s been snowing over there, she prays that it snows so that she won`t go to work next day. Pray for her….

Friday, 18th December 09, it`s suppose to be another day in Paradise, having the jungle with all the varieties of Birds and Animals, wild fruits and the view of the Canal beside us, it would have been the place to be. Relaxing with Nature all around you, but then you realize that you are locked up and deprived of the basic and most important thing desired by all mankind; Freedom. Woke up to read sms from Schat, didn`t snow over night, she was on her way to work. Over here, Nice and sunny day always, went to see the four youths in solitary, two are my friends, one is a nuisance and an idiot, hope he learns to be a bit respectful. Got my two friends Malt drink and hope to see them again, they  want me to buy them joint, pretend as if I don`t understand that Spanish, ain`t buying them no joint. Had a quick meeting with two of my cellmates on state of the cell, things ain`t going right, thought of moving out came back to mind. I hate moving, but in prison, one is happy to move to a new cell, mostly to avoid trouble, which is what I`m trying to avoid. Call from Hombre, was worried that he`s in trouble, but he`s fine, in and out of troubles. Make more of Noni Juice, lucky to have Noni tree in the centre, keep them to ripen for couple of days, then mashed them up and add Lemon, Orange and sugar for a nice juice. To the library, some reading and update my blog; and damn wardens, guess upset from yesterday`s incident came in for a search, took my phone. Hope to pay and get it back, Hope so. Paid a Tenner before lock up, he refused fiver when I offered him that.

Saturday, 19 December 2009, Woke and found out my phone has been dropped in by one of the Guards, hope it will be a nice day, didn´t sleep much, woke up between my sleep. Had to do some washing and didn´t know was my turn to wash the cell, was reminded when I woke up. Did that and it was all clean up. Couldn´t go to the library today, spent most of the day indoors, spoke with my Schat and misses her loads. Some friends called, been long never heard from them. All went fine today, had my hair cut, owing the guy 3 bucks, Panamanians are desperate with money, gotta pay him before he comes after me.

Had new Inmates from other centres brought in today and surprise, had to change my cell to one I have been longing to go, with English guys and more lively than my cell. It was a surprise move, as none of my mates were expecting it. Even the guy that had a brawl with me was surprise, guess he will be happy to have the space to himself, I pray they get some hardcore guy in with him, that will give him some hard time. I´m so happy that I moved from cell 17….. Will miss one or two guy there, but we are all here, so there will still be contact before lock down.

My Schat just rang, talked and assured each other that all is well and pray that we both survive my time in incarceration. Guess it´s by God´s grace, still got some little faith in me.

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